For example, you may have snapped at your partner or talked over them when they needed you to listen. You can say, “I made assumptions without hearing you out first. I didn’t listen to you, and I admit that was wrong of me. ”
Journal your feelings to help you explore them and understand them better. For example, if you’re upset that your partner didn’t call you, write about your experience and how it made you feel. You might discover that your anger is really about feeling neglected or wanting more attention.
For example, instead of saying, “I know I’m right and you’re wrong,” say, “I understand my viewpoint, but I don’t understand yours. Can you elaborate?” Remember that you are both on the same team. Neither partner in the relationship necessarily needs to accept full blame, and you should both work together to find a resolution. [5] X Research source
For example, say, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s unkind of me to yell, and I know it makes you feel disrespected. I feel bad about yelling at you, so I apologize. ”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget what happened or that it didn’t matter. It’s a way to release your negative emotions and choose a new beginning. Forgiveness doesn’t happen all at once, it’s a process.
For example, if you live together, consider going away for a day or a weekend on your own or spending some more time outside of the house. If you do not live together or are long distance, agree not to communicate for a short period of time, like a day or two.
For example, agree to not yell at each other or call each other names. If your discussion gets heated, it might be time to take a break or talk about it later.
For example, summarize their statements when they finish by saying, “What I hear you saying is that you’d like me to communicate my feelings better to you. ” Avoid absolute language like “always” and “never. " Resist the urge to be “right. " Instead, be humble and listen to your partner’s side of the issue. Acknowledge that they may be right about some things too.
Let your partner speak and try to understand how they feel. Make your goal to understand, not judge or dismiss their feelings.
For example, say, “I felt hurt that you made dinner for your friend but not for me. ” This feels less threatening than saying, “You left me out and only thought of your friend. ” You can follow your statements up with what you want. For example, say, “I felt left out. I’d like to feel included in the future. ” Find common ground. Start with what you both agree about and work from there. If you’re struggling to find common ground in this particular argument, remember that you both love each other. That can be your common ground. [12] X Research source
For example, if your partner asks you to help out with chores, do them without having to be asked. Take the garbage out, buy groceries, and anticipate the needs of your partner and the home. You shouldn’t have to bend over backward or give up your life to please them. Feedback should feel constructive and not overwhelming or controlling.
For example, tell them how attracted you are to them, take them on a date, or cook them dinner.
Affection can also lower stress levels, so both you and your partner benefit from touch.
A romantic gesture, however, does not take the place of an apology or a solution to your problems.
Be willing to seek counseling early instead of leaving it as a last resort. Getting help and support are signs of strength, not weakness. Find a couples’ counselor by contacting your insurance provider or a local mental health clinic. You can also seek a recommendation from a friend or do an internet search for a therapist close to you.
Some couples yearn to go back to “the way it was. ” However, it’s important to realize that relationships evolve and shift, so it’s best to accept the relationship and create positive experiences to move forward. Use the experience as a learning experience to help you strengthen your relationship in the future.
