Dress up. Plan events that will require you to change out of your ordinary clothes. This could mean going to an elegant dinner, a dance class, or a themed event. It could even mean going swimming.
Shower together, or fall in bed before dinner. Please yourself. Be honest about what makes you orgasm, and what hurts or bores you. Ask for what you want: being selfless kills sex. [1] X Research source Ask him what he wants in return, and take turns satisfying one another’s desires. Make a date with him, and plan some creative details together (candles, costumes, trying something new. ) Having a plan will get you excited ahead of time. Stick to it! Plans are useless if you don’t follow through.
Kiss goodbye when one of you leaves the house, and kiss hello upon return. Groom one another. Offer to brush his hair, or put his lotion or sunblock on. Ask for him to help you with your zipper, and offer to tie his tie. Make eye contact when you talk. It is a powerful form of sensory connection. [2] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
If one of you drives all the time for work, for instance, don’t let it involve driving. Take the train or fly, or walk down the street to the local hotel. Get nostalgic. Take a vacation to a place where you both had a lovely time together. Don’t try to do everything exactly the same, but do the things you both liked best. Reminisce, and create new memories.
Make a practice of thanking him specifically for kind things he does for you. Expand on the “thank you. " Explain the lovely qualities he has that cause him to act kindly. [4] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Instead of just saying “thanks for making me dinner. I loved it!” Say “Thank you for making me dinner. I see that instead of getting mad at me for being grouchy, you recognized that I was tired and hungry. You are a good cook, but you’re also a truly thoughtful person. " Compliment him as well. The flirt will return to your relationship.
Ban certain subjects during quality time. Whatever you normally talk about (work, the kids, health concerns, money concerns) should be banned for at least the first 20 minutes of your quality time. Talk about your less dire shared interests, the news, or anything other than your everyday concerns.
Play. Couples who have fun and laugh together have better marriages. Get in snowball fights, tease one another gently, throw a ball around, and tell jokes. [6] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
When your partner complains, listen. Rather than give advice, offer sympathy. You can give advice if it’s asked for, or suggest a new perspective if he is thinking himself into a rut, but you might do the most good just by attentively listening.
If he doesn’t reciprocate, then you can ask. For instance, if you are always taking all the pictures during family vacations and there are never any of you, hand him the camera. Initiate first, ask second. Explain your frustration third. If you feel yourself getting frustrated, explain this calmly. [8] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
Write it as a letter. Get your own feelings straight by writing them out.
If he betrayed your trust, ask for that sincere of an apology. If he isn’t ready to apologize, then he isn’t ready to love you again either.
If you find your goals differ, compromise to accommodate them all. For instance, if your husband wishes you had more together time, while you are longing for more time alone, try scheduling both quality together time and quality time apart.
