When letting your ex know about your need for space, you could say, “I care for you a lot, but I need a little time to think about everything,” or “I think some time apart might be good for us both. " No contact means you also shouldn’t engage with them on social media. You don’t have to block them completely (especially since you want them back), but don’t like any posts or send messages. Generally, people using the no-contact rule only wait longer than 30 days (up to 60) if they’re trying to move on. Reconnect after no more than 30 days if you want your partner back.
For instance, a list of factors that contributed to the separation might include: anger, lack of time together, ignoring problems, walking away from conversations instead of dealing with them, or intense criticism.
Remember that you are your own person with unique qualities and talents outside the relationship. Try writing down everything you like about yourself, from your hair to your intellect. Practice doing things alone, like shopping or just going for a jog. You don’t have to do everything alone, but it’s easier to be independent when you know that being alone isn’t so bad. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes too. Release those feelings by crying or writing in a journal, then do something to cheer yourself up—like watching a funny TV show. Take care of your physical and mental health! Ensure you’re eating healthy foods, sleeping for 8 hours every night, drinking lots of water, and taking time to be mindful of your emotions.
When you make yourself happy with other people besides your partner, you’ll also show your partner how valuable and in-demand your time is. This will make them more interested in coming back to you. Go on fun adventures with your friends and post photos on social media to get your partner thinking about you without directly contacting them.
Say, “I’d like to talk to you about the situation. Are you open to that?” Avoid begging or demanding that they talk to you, as that can drive your partner away. Set up a time to meet in person if your partner is open to discussing the breakup. Choose a neutral public space, like a cafe or a park. If your partner isn’t ready to talk, give them more time and space. This will show them that you’re sensitive to their needs and make them more likely to reach out to you!
Be supportive and empathic. Try to understand where your partner is coming from and focus solely on their experience of what happened. Say things like, “I understand that you feel angry, and I can see why you feel that way. " Ask questions for clarification, like, “I’m hearing that you’re angry at me for not spending enough quality time with you. Is that right?”
Use “I” statements that sound constructive and less accusatory. For example, you could say, “I feel angry when you leave while I’m trying to talk to you. Can we discuss the issue next time?” instead of “You never listen to me!” Be direct but tactful. If you want to mend the relationship, being candid about your wishes can help. You could say, “I really want to patch things up between us; I don’t want to lose you. " Avoid any kind of aggressive communication, like yelling, cursing, belittling, calling names, interrogating, threatening, giving dirty looks, bullying, and throwing objects.
Mistakes are a part of life. They don’t make you a bad partner unless you refuse to learn from them. Show your partner that you’re committed to progress by apologizing and explaining how you’ve learned from the mistake. For example, “I’m sorry I didn’t make enough time for our relationship in the past. I understand that it made you feel lonely and neglected. I intend to schedule proper quality time for us in the future and make it up to you. "
For example, your plan to improve the relationship could include spending quality time together to avoid feeling disconnected or responding to your partner’s texts more quickly and consistently. Ensure that your partner is equally willing to make changes for the sake of the relationship. Someone serious about a fresh start will give you their full attention and commit to working on any problems you list.
Once you forgive one another, it’ll be easy to begin again with a brand new relationship (with the same partner) and a clean slate. Releasing all that anger and forgiving someone also has health benefits. Anger and bitterness cause stress, which hurts you mentally and physically. Remember: forgiveness is a tool to help you, not just the person you’re forgiving.
For example, some fun and intimate dates could be: going out to a romantic dinner, having a picnic in the park, walking on the beach, going for a hike, or watching the sunset together. Express your admiration for your partner by telling them everything you appreciate about them.
There’s no set amount of time between dating milestones, but generally, try not to rush things or take any steps before you’re ready. For example: don’t go Instagram-official immediately. Go on a few dates first, and reconnect before labeling the new relationship. Accept that your new relationship isn’t the same and probably never will be. That’s not a bad thing! It means you care about one another enough to start over and try again, which is something to celebrate.
