However you feel is valid and real. The feelings of grief and rejection that can come with separating from a partner actually activate the same area in your brain as physical pain, but know that the pain is temporary. [3] X Trustworthy Source Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences Official peer-reviewed and multidisciplary journal for the National Academy of Sciences. Go to source
Comparing past relationships to present relationships makes it easier to be critical of potential new partners. By remembering the reasons why you and your ex broke up, you can open yourself up to new people and possibilities.
Rather than blaming yourself or your partner, think of the broader causes that might’ve led to your breakup (ex. wounds from old relationships, mental health, finances, life stage etc. ). Take control of your story. Try to see the events of the breakup as they are, and focus on a positive future full of love. Practice gratitude. Think about the incredible relationships and opportunities you have right now in your life.
Use forgiveness as a turning point to refocus on yourself and what you need in the future, rather than what you want to change in the past. You don’t have to reach out to your partner in order to forgive them. Forgiveness can be a personal process and mindset shift, too.
Similarly, steer clear of physical intimacy with an ex if you want to move on and form healthier, stable relationships. [9] X Research source
If reaching out to people doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s okay. You can find a built-in, supportive community by joining a local or online support group.
Treat yourself to a massage, a spa day, or even a night at home with tasty snacks and your favorite movie.
Try making a list of everything you want to do. Aim to cross 1 item off that list every day. [13] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
What role did you play in any past relationship conflicts? Do you see any trends in your past relationships or choice of partners? How do you react to stress and conflict in relationships? What traits do you want in a future partner? What traits do you want to avoid?
Rephrase a negative statement into a mantra like, “I deserve love, and I’m going to find someone incredible. ” Give yourself credit for trying, even if you aren’t perfect (none of us are). For instance, “The relationship didn’t work out, but I gave it my best shot. ” If you make a mistake, change a self-blaming thought with language like, “I messed up a little, but that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or a bad partner. ”
There’s no set amount of time to wait before starting a new relationship. Typically the longer you were together and the more involved you were in each others’ lives (ex. living together, raising kids together), the longer you’ll need before falling in love again. [19] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source You’ll know you’re ready to be a committed partner again when you know what you want from a relationship and know what you can give in a relationship. [20] X Research source
Your 3 traits can be about personality, appearance, or other characteristics. For instance, you might want a future partner who’s dedicated to community service, athletic, and who shares your religion. Research shows you can still have a healthy, fulfilling relationship even if you haven’t completely resolved feelings towards your former partner. In fact, getting into a new relationship after you’ve taken time to work on yourself can help you move on. [22] X Research source
A mental health professional can also help you work through PTSD, trauma, and trust issues, especially if you’re moving on from a toxic relationship. If you can’t afford therapy, check out free peer-lead support groups at https://www. nami. org/Support-Education/Support-Groups/NAMI-Connection.
