The first step is recognizing when you’re having self-doubts, and examining the underlying beliefs that cause them. Once you can identify why you’re doubting yourself, you can start to overcome those feelings—but be patient with yourself, because everyone experiences self-doubt sometimes, and it may never go away completely. [2] X Expert Source Sydney AxelrodCertified Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 June 2020. Reframing works like this: Instead of thinking “I didn’t get the part in the play because I’m a terrible actor. I should just give up,” you take a more hopeful approach, like “I guess I wasn’t quite what the director had in mind. I’m going to ask him if he has any feedback about what I can work on. " Even just replacing the thought “I can’t,” with “This may not work, but I’m going to try,” can have a positive impact. [3] X Research source
A counselor or therapist can help you learn new, productive ways of thinking.
You can call a suicide-prevention hotline, like the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (can also be texted) or TheHopeLine at 1-800-394-4673. Seek help from a trusted friend or family member, a teacher, or a counselor.
Try to figure out what matters most to you. This could involve your upbringing and what your parents stressed, whether money, appearance, success, or education. It might also be reflected in what you do, for example, and whether you work in finance or for a non-profit organization. Ask yourself what you want in life. Is it to get a good job, to feel a sense of fulfillment, or maybe to help people?[8] X Research source Map out your goals in a hierarchy from most important to less important. Then, write down what values in life you think lie behind these goals. Namely, what is your motivation to achieve them?
Reassess your list of goals and compare it to your motivations. Do your motives work against your goals or do they go together? Say that you want to be a doctor but find that your motive is not helping people, but earning a lot of money. Are you OK with this? Or will you be unhappy with your job in the long run?
For example, a short-term goal might be something like handing in your assignments in on time or passing your weekly quizzes. These help you along toward longer-term goals, like getting a good grade in your trigonometry class, passing AP Math, or getting into a good college. If you have a long-term goal, try breaking it down into easy-to-achieve steps. That will help keep you motivated, and it will help you build confidence as you see yourself making progress. [9] X Expert Source Sydney AxelrodCertified Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 June 2020. Keep the list handy so that you can review your progress from time to time and check items off. Occasional review will remind you of your goals and also allow you to track your progress.
Set high but achievable goals. Having a high goal will challenge and motivate you without setting you up for a fall. Gun for a high score on the SAT without insisting on perfection, for example, but still be happy if you didn’t ace it. Set measurable goals, as well. “Being the best” is admirable but not very effective as a short- or long-term goal. Be more specific. [10] X Research source Say, rather, “This year I want to lower my golf handicap and shoot an 80 on 18 holes. ” By meeting realistic goals, you will end up gaining more confidence and fearing failure less. [11] X Research source
Take academic goals. Say that you want to be a high-school teacher. In the long-term you’ll have to go to college for a bachelor’s degree in education and maybe take a teaching certification course. In the short-term, though, you can focus on getting good grades and for a mid-term goal being accepted into a teaching program. Athletic goals are similar. In order to be a top swimmer, break things into smaller parts. First, train hard and improve your times and work on your free-style, butterfly, and different strokes. Try to qualify for local or regional swim competitions. Later, as you improve, aspire to state or even national meets. Draw up plans for each substep, plans for each smaller part toward your big plan. Try to keep the big picture in mind and how each part fits into the whole.
Things won’t always work out as you intend. Stay flexible. For example, just because you weren’t able to advance past the state meet as a swimmer does not mean you have failed. Perhaps it opens new doors as a swim instructor, or perhaps that chapter of your life will close. Or, maybe you can change up your training and your diet and try again. People peak at different times in their lives, so maybe the next time around will be your time. Staying open to new experiences and skills will help you stay flexible. Say that you have to take anatomy to get in to your pre-med program. You’ve never taken anatomy before! Rather than be discouraged and give up, embrace the opportunity to take on a challenge and to learn something new. You might need to make small changes to the long-term plan. While working toward your bachelor’s, for example, you might realize that your passion is in pedagogical research rather than teaching. You could aim for graduate school instead of becoming a high school teacher.
Treat yourself when you’ve reached a milestone. For example, celebrate with a day off, an outing to the movies, or by popping open some champagne with your loved ones. Even small gestures of celebration work, boosting your sense of accomplishment, your self-esteem, and your focus.
Evaluate what happened. Say that you flunked a class in your degree program. Was it because of bad planning, bad preparation, bad execution, or something beyond your control? Figure out what went wrong and why and then try to make the necessary adjustments. You can also help keep yourself on track by having a plan ahead of time for what will happen if you experience a setback. [15] X Expert Source Sydney AxelrodCertified Life Coach Expert Interview. 30 June 2020.
A few very close friends can be better than a stable of casual acquaintances. Spend time with friends and family, call them, talk to them, and keep them in your life. Just knowing that they are there for you will be a help. Be willing to reach out. Whether through talking or asking for advice, seek out support from your loved ones when you need it. You can also seek peer support groups to find people with common experiences and shared histories. They’ve “been there” before.
Focus on what you can control. We are often faced with surprises or unforeseen events, so remind yourself that you are only human and cannot control everything. Encourage yourself from time to time. Anxiety is like any other feeling. You might try telling yourself this, i. e. “I feel worried, but I do things to deal with it. ”[17] X Research source Keep things in perspective. Avoid “catastrophic thinking” by reminding yourself of the scale of your worry. For instance, failing a class is bad but not the end of your education. Finishing last at a swim meet is disappointing but not the end of the world. You still have your health, your life, and people who love you.
You know your mind and body best and when you might be slowing down. Make sure that your mind and body are well-rested. Otherwise, your efforts will be less effective. It is OK to take some time off, whether that means you’re on vacation, at yoga, out of the pool, or mentally checked out for the weekend. Try not to have an all-or-nothing mindset. Don’t
Physical exercise releases endorphins, boosts blood flow to your brain, increases your energy, and just generally improves mood. Try to get about thirty minutes of moderate exercise five times per week. Make sure to eat right, too. Eat regularly throughout the day to maintain your blood sugar levels and energy, including at breakfast, and include a wide variety of vegetables, fruit, and whole grains in your meals.
Depression can be mild or severe and can depend on your environment, events around you, or even on your physical makeup. Its symptoms include sadness, anxiety, feelings of emptiness or hopelessness, fatigue, and loss of interest in normal activities. It can even take the form of physical aches and pains. Consider talking to a counselor, a therapist, or a psychiatrist. They can help you to manage your depression with a proper treatment plan.
