You can stop comparing when you start appreciating more. Rather than measuring up to an ideal in your head, simply respect and appreciate what others have to offer as individuals. [2] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Remind yourself that no one is perfect, including yourself. If you must compare, hold yourself up to the person you were yesterday.
Pay attention to how you currently react to setbacks. Do you beat yourself up? Drop all your big plans? Decide how you would like to react, and do it. Maybe you want to closely examine what happened and change your plans to account for the new information you now know. Give yourself a pep talk. Find some inspiring quotes and place them around your living or work environment. Repeat a powerful mantra to yourself after each setback.
Another way of looking at success is to think of it as a journey. There is one saying about success being the progressive realization towards a worthy ideal. In other words, as long as you are steadily moving (even in the case of making baby steps) towards your goals, you are successful–even if your boss or teachers don’t notice and you aren’t subsequently rewarded. In the meantime, try not to be so boastful about your successes. Quietly applaud yourself on a job well-done, but be sure to extend the same credit to others. A surefire way to not having a big ego is being able to share success and victory with your peers.
Look for unreasonable fantasies that guide your actions. Maybe you were told as a child that if you act like you own the room, everyone feels like you do. This may work, but it may also cause others to distance themselves in the process. Throw away “If, then” principles, and define success in your own way. Practice mindfulness. Strive to be fully present in every moment of your life. That way you are not limited by past or future-oriented thinking that limits the now. Start with a beginner’s mind. Believing that we know everything about a given situation can cause us to not see the full picture. To counteract this expectation trap, enter every situation as if you are doing it for the first time. That way you have the openness to receive new ideas and new points-of-view.
Reconsider your motives. Again, when you reach a stalemate with someone you should question whether you are disagreeing because you feel superior or inferior. Relent some if one of these factors is driving your friction. Try to find some middle ground that mutually benefits everyone included. Decide what’s important. Remember there is no “I” in team. What collective goal are you moving towards? Are you willing to bend a little to help reach a mutual objective? Recognize that compromise does not mean defeat. Working with another person to reach a goal while forfeiting something minor (like being right or dominant) is totally worth it. Just be sure that those variables that really matter, such as your personal beliefs or values, are never compromised.
This isn’t saying go out and pick a fight with your partner or coworker just because. What is being suggested is that you do not have to put your foot down and shut off communication whenever you feel slightly threatened. Sometimes, hearing a viewpoint different from your own can challenge you to look at the world in a brand new way.
Make eye contact. Orient in the speaker’s direction. Uncross your legs and arms. Practice active listening by listening to understand rather than to reply. Before sharing anything of your own, paraphrase what the other person said and ask questions to clarify like “Are you saying…?”. Use the person’s name. Ask about something you know is important to him or her, such as any children or a favorite hobby. Say something like “Hi, Donna! Have you taken the boat out lately?” Pay a compliment. This can be challenging, but give it a try. Instead of focusing on yourself, direct your energy outwards. Look for things you truly appreciate in others—their clean-cut appearance, their effort, or their personalities. Take the time to let these individuals know that you appreciate these traits. For example, you might say “Hey, man, your energy for this project is really contagious. Thanks!”
”Do I feel superior to others?” ”Do I feel inferior to others?” If you answered “yes” to either of these your ego is likely running the show. It may make sense to you that feeling superior is a sign of a big ego. You probably didn’t know, however, that feeling lesser than those around you can be an ego problem, too.
If you feel a rise after situations similar to those described above, your ego is at play. You may get angry when people try to give you suggestions about things you think you already know. You may refuse help. When people offer up viable ideas that outshine your own, you dismiss them so that your ideas are not diminished.
You may have trouble noticing the signs of being easily offended. Observe your interactions for a few days. Are people around you steadily apologizing for ticking you off? Do you always have to calm yourself down after someone angers you? You may be dealing with an ego problem.
