Once your child no longer needs their diapers changed, no other person should ever come into contact with their genitals, aside from a doctor or other healthcare provider. For example, you might say something like, “Your vulva is a private part of your body. It’s not okay for anyone else to touch it except for a doctor or nurse if they have to give you a checkup, and I’ll be in the room with you when that happens. ” Explain that it is sometimes okay for private parts to be seen by other people as long as the visibility is merely incidental and the action is not sexual in nature. Examples could include sharing a bedroom with siblings, walking to and from the shower, peeing in a urinal (boys), or changing in a locker room.
For example, teach your child the words “penis” and “vulva” or “vagina. ” Make sure your child understands the difference between their genitals and their “bottom. ” You can also teach them anatomical terms, such as “buttocks” and “anus,” and explain the functions of each body part in an age-appropriate way to help them make the distinction.
If you have a boy, talk about proper etiquette for using public restrooms and encourage him to speak up if he feels uncomfortable. On the other hand, crowded restrooms are often safer since the vast majority of users are not pedophiles. When teaching your child about their right to privacy, make sure they understand that they should always tell you if they think their privacy has been violated. Make sure your child understands that even authority figures, such as police officers and teachers, must respect their privacy in the same way as everyone else.
Let your child have the right to decline hugs and kisses at any time. If they aren’t in the mood to hug Grandma, they don’t have to. If a child is disregarding another’s boundaries, e. g. , a brother pulling his sister’s hair after she asked him to stop, step in. Say, “She said she doesn’t like that, so you need to stop. " This reinforces the importance of respecting a no.
These kinds of secrets may be threatening, or they may sound more innocent. For example, the abuser might threaten to hurt the child, take something from them, or get them in trouble if they tell. They might also say something like “If you tell anyone what happened, they won’t let me play with you anymore!” Explain to your child the difference between harmful secrets and safe secrets (such as not telling their sibling about a birthday present).
Tell your child to never open the door to someone they don’t know. You can make specific exceptions to this rule as you see fit (such as emergency situations when police or paramedics are needed). Tell your child to never reveal to anyone that they are home alone (should this ever be the case), and that this rule applies to in-person situations as well as over the phone and online. Inform your child that you can’t tell whether someone is dangerous by their appearance, and that some bad people may appear normal or act nice.
Say something like, “Your daddy or I or your doctor might need to touch your private parts sometimes if we need to help you clean them or put medicine on them, but nobody else should ever touch them—not your teachers, your friends, or even your aunts and uncles. Not even if you like them or they say it’s okay. ”
Ask your child questions such as, “What would you do in that situation?” or “Have you ever heard of this sort of thing before?” This will give your child the opportunity to talk to you and think about their potential actions in a dangerous situation.
Say things like, “You can talk to me about anything in the world,” or “I will always listen if there’s something bothering you. " Frequent reassurance is key to establishing open communication between you and your child. Let your child know that you would never be angry with them for telling you the truth about something, especially something as significant as being molested.
For older children, discuss using a special code word if they feel unsafe or want you to come pick them up. For example, if they’re at a friend’s house, they can call you and use a word or phrase that won’t sound suspicious to the abuser (like “Did you walk Baxter today?”).
For example, before hiring a babysitter or other individual caregiver for your child, ask for personal and professional references. You can also check for their name in local or national sex offender registries (such as https://www. nsopw. gov/ if you live in the U. S. ). Before putting your child in a school, camp, or daycare, find out if the facility is licensed. Interview the administration to find out how their staff members are vetted and trained. In cases where you aren’t necessarily able to choose or pre-screen individuals who will be around your child, do your best to get to know these people by meeting them in person and asking them questions. [15] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source Do not agree to sleep-overs for your child until you are familiar and completely comfortable with your child’s friend’s family and home.
You may also want to keep the computer in a common space, like the living room or the dining room, so your child cannot go on the computer unmonitored. This will make it more difficult for them to fall into inappropriate interactions online. You can install software on the computer or parental control apps on your child’s mobile devices that will block sites that are considered inappropriate for children. Some popular options include Net Nanny, Norton Family Premier, and Kaspersky Safe Kids.
Overnight trips, even those sponsored by your child’s school or church, should always have more than one adult chaperone. Do not allow your child to attend a trip on which only one adult will be present.
Avoid one-on-one outings between your child and an adult who is not your child’s caregiver or relative, especially when you yourself did not arrange it. Beware of individuals who at first seem interested in becoming friendly with you but then show more interest in getting to know your child instead. Keep in mind children can also be molested by other children or children who are a little older than they are. You should also be aware of this possibility and note any warning signs in other children. For example, watch for behaviors such as ignoring others’ physical boundaries, talking about sexual subjects in an age-inappropriate way, or preferring the company of younger children rather than peers. [20] X Research source
Your child will learn to recognize situations that are unacceptable if you commonly provide feedback about their daily activities and interactions. Ask open-ended questions about your child’s experiences and about the people with whom they commonly interact (such as teachers, coaches, or pastors). This keeps the door open for your child to tell you if they experience an inappropriate situation.
If you live in the U. S. , you can check the sex offenders listed in your state through the FBI website. [22] X Research source
Signs of depression Suicidal thoughts or actions Substance abuse at an early age Self-harming behavior Sudden and significant drop in grades or school attendance Dramatic changes in hygiene Extreme anxiety or nervousness about siblings’ wellbeing Age-inappropriate sexual behavior, interest, or knowledge
Preference for children’s company over that of other adults Treating children as if they were adults in order to form a closer bond and help the child feel like an equal Frequently taking photographs of children, either dressed or nude Apparent obsession with teenager and/or child sexual activity Viewing of child pornography Offering alcohol or drugs to children or teens Showing children sexual images or talking about sexual topics in their presence[25] X Research source Allowing children to get away with behaviors that their parents or other caretakers wouldn’t normally allow Volunteering to work with children in some capacity, in combination with other troubling signs
Try to say clearly to them, “I believe you. Thank you for telling me. "
