Some states still consider marital misconduct when dividing marital property or awarding alimony, but many states no longer do. For these reasons, you should think about why you want to prove adultery. If your state doesn’t take adultery into consideration when dividing assets or awarding child custody, then there may be little reason to expend energy finding proof of adultery.
You also should see how your state defines “adultery. ” States can define it differently, and many states refuse to provide a clear definition. [2] X Research source Sexual intercourse may not be required. In South Carolina, for example, there is no requirement of intercourse. Instead, sexual intimacy is sufficient. Such intimacy has been found when a married woman shares a cruise ship cabin with another man even though they did not engage in intercourse. [3] X Research source Mississippi, by contrast, defines adultery as “voluntary sexual intercourse. ”[4] X Research source Check to see how your state defines “adultery,” if it provides a definition at all.
your spouse expresses less interest in sex he or she is away from home an increasing amount suspicious voice mail messages show up on your machine or suspicious receipts pop up in your spouse’s wallet or purse your spouse often wants to go to events or functions alone and is hard to reach when at work there is increased mileage on the car although your spouse does not work far from home
A lawyer can also advise you on the legality of collecting certain kinds of evidence. For example, you can access your spouse’s cell phone records and emails with a subpoena. However, it is illegal to snoop or try to hack into someone’s phone or account. If you hire a lawyer, he or she can properly subpoena the necessary records that can help you prove adultery. To find a qualified divorce lawyer, you should ask friends and colleagues who have gone through a divorce if they would recommend their lawyer. For additional tips, see Hire a Divorce Lawyer.
However, your circumstantial evidence must be sufficiently definite that you can pinpoint the time and place of the adultery. [7] X Research source Although you don’t need videotaped evidence of the adultery, you need more than vague suspicions. Testimony that you’ve seen your spouse flirting with someone else at dinner parties is not sufficiently definite to show that your spouse had the opportunity and inclination to commit adultery.
sending or receiving love letters or romantic cards physical contact such as hugging or holding hands kissing an expressed desire to get married spending the night together
If you believe that your spouse is having an affair with a woman, then look for purchases made at lingerie stores, women’s clothing stores, or jewelers. [9] X Research source Be aware that you can’t open mail unless it is addressed to you. For that reason, you can’t rip open your spouse’s credit card statement and go through it. Nevertheless, if you share an account then you can certainly look.
If your spouse hides the cell phone bill, then you should be suspicious. You cannot open the mail and look at the bill, but you at least have some proof that your spouse wants to hide something. If your spouse throws the bill in the trash, then you can retrieve it. Anything thrown in the trash is fair game for you to pull out and read. Otherwise, you will need to have your lawyer subpoena the phone records. If you think your spouse is calling someone all the time, then let your lawyer know. [10] X Research source
Again, legal issues arise here because you could be intercepting someone’s communications illegally. [11] X Research source If the court finds that you have violated the law when gathering evidence, then the judge will exclude it at trial. Speak to a lawyer if you have questions about the legality of installing keylogging software.
Have the witness write down the day and time that they saw your spouse, as well as the location. Also ask the witness to describe the person that your spouse was with.
To find a private investigator, you can ask your lawyer for a recommendation or you can search the web. You may also look in the phone book.
Many states have printed forms for divorce proceedings which make a Do-It-Yourself divorce possible. To find the forms, check with the court clerk for the courthouse in the county where you live. However, if you have large assets at stake, then you should probably hire a lawyer, who can draft the petition for you.
Subpoenas must also be served on the witness, either by mail or personal service (hand delivery). You must make sure that subpoenas are served early enough so that the witness has sufficient time to prepare to come to the trial. Ask the court clerk for how much notice you should give.
Likewise, you should print out photographs or transcribe voicemail messages rather than have the judge look at the pictures on the camera or listen to a tape of the message.
It therefore falls to your lawyer to show that your spouse’s innocent explanation is actually a fiction. You can help your lawyer prepare for the cross-examination of your spouse by letting your lawyer know your spouse’s weaknesses. [15] X Research source For example, he or she might have a short temper if interrupted. Your lawyer can therefore subtly interrupt your spouse constantly on the stand, in the hopes of drawing out an angry response.
