Typically the word no is overused and children are desensitized to it. In urgent situations such as a hot oven, use the word, “no,” but in other situations is it better to offer a statement of fact that also gives the child a reason why the behavior is not correct. For example, instead of “no hitting people” parents should say “people are not for hitting. " Or instead of “no throwing of toys” parents should say “toys are not for throwing. "
If he/she is trying to access something that is dangerous, take the item from him/her. For example, if he/she is holding a breakable glass, you can take the object from him/her.
For example, if he/she is being aggressive with another child on the playground because he/she wants to play with a ball, you could distract him/her by taking him/her to the swings. Be creative; toddlers are easily entertained. [6] X Expert Source Wits End ParentingParenting Specialists Expert Interview. 5 March 2020. You should continue to monitor the child to make sure that the behavior does not recur.
You should be empathetic with the child but still establish limits. Do not yell at the child or disrespect him/her in anyway. The point is to help him/her regain emotional control, so that means that you have to remain emotional control yourself.
Toddlers are very vulnerable to feelings of abandonment, so be sure to never leave a toddler unsupervised in a timeout situation. Always remain with him/her.
The timeout area should be selected in advance so that you aren’t distracted trying to find an appropriate space when misbehavior occurs.
Briefly tell your child why he/she is being required to take a timeout. Do not spend a lot of time talking and avoid arguing altogether. A simple statement such as, “You are going to timeout because you kicked the wall” is sufficient. Physically guide the child to a timeout area if he/she refuses to go on him/her own. Escort him/her gently but firmly by the arm or pick him/her up and take him/her to the timeout spot. Remain calm when your child misbehaves. Remember, misbehavior on some level is developmentally appropriate for children. It is your responsibility to model appropriate behavior.
Your child may try to refuse to stay in timeout. If he/she tries to leave the timeout seat, gently and consistently guide him/her back to the chair.
Before resuming normal activities, you may want to have a discussion about what happened. [15] X Research source Don’t berate or lecture the child but use the experience as a learning opportunity instead. For example, you could say, “Kicking the wall can leave holes in the wall. Let’s try to use your words when you’re frustrated. "
Try to include your children in making some of the rules. However, it’s okay to have some nonnegotiable rules on important issues like curfew, grade expectations, church attendance, or anything else that is important to your family. Identify “off limits” behavior. [16] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Examples of off-limits behavior might include things like saying “I hate you,” engaging in aggressive behavior, calling people names, cheating, using profanity, or playing derogatory music. You choose the off-limits behavior that is the most appropriate for your lifestyle and establish rules around them. Make sure that the rules are concrete and specific so that there is no room for misinterpretation. For example, it is better to establish the rule “You must be home by 7pm” then to say “You must be home before it gets dark. ”
Consequences should be things that can be easily implemented and you should always follow through with them. Empty threats will weaken your influence and your kids will learn to not take you or the rules as seriously. Try making a list of activities or privileges that your child enjoys. Withdrawal of these privileges can be effective consequences. Sometimes natural consequences are more appropriate. These consequences are the direct result of the child’s actions and are not inflicted upon him/her by the parent. For example, the natural consequence that occurs when your daughter does not put him/her jeans into the hamper is that the jeans are not clean for school the next day. Natural consequences should ONLY be used if the child is not in danger of being harmed.
If you child does show up late, particularly an older one, listen to what they have to say. They may have been caught up leaving a friends house, got stuck in traffic, had to wait a long queue at the shop, etc If there is no rule in place about a particular behavior when it occurs, then take time to establish the rule at that point. Do not alter natural consequences. For example, if your daughter’s jeans were not washed because they were not in the hamper, do not do a special load of laundry just to accommodate him/her.
It is important to empathize and recognize feeling prior to reaffirming the rule. For example, if your 13 year old is screaming, “It’s not fair, Stacey was allowed to stay out until midnight,” you could respond by saying, “I can tell you are upset and feeling let down, but this is not Stacey’s family and my decision is final. " This approach should only be used if he/she continues to argue with you after you’ve already reminded him/her of the rule and the consequence of violating it. It minimizes the power struggle and makes it clear that the rule still stands.
