If your girlfriend tells you she’s pregnant, and doesn’t really say anything else, she might be looking for a sign that you care. Show her that you do and give her a chance to express herself by asking something neutral like “How do you feel about it?”
Recognize your own emotions. You might be confused, excited, angry, happy, or feel a combination of all of these. It’s ok to tell your girlfriend what you are feeling.
If your girlfriend is pregnant and she wants to have the baby (either to parent it or to offer it for adoption), it is important that she see a doctor, who can help her and the fetus (unborn baby) stay healthy and safe during pregnancy.
Your girlfriend may want to have the baby and parent it. This may or may not mean marriage or a long-term relationship. The two of you should discuss your long-term relationship plans in addition to the pregnancy. Your girlfriend may want to have the baby and offer it for adoption. Your girlfriend may also decide to terminate the pregnancy (have an abortion). Laws regulating when and how a woman may elect an abortion vary by state. [7] X Research source In some states, for example, a minor can make an abortion decision on her own, while parental consent must be provided in other states. Emergency contraception (“the morning after pill”) will not work if your girlfriend is already pregnant. [8] X Trustworthy Source US Office on Women’s Health U. S. government agency providing resources for women’s health Go to source These medications will decrease the likelihood of pregnancy only if taken within 5 days (depending on the specific medication) after unprotected sex. [9] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
Common options for handling a pregnancy including having the baby and parenting it (as a single parent or a couple), offering it for adoption, or terminating it (having an abortion). Each of these options brings unique concerns, so your girlfriend shouldn’t rush to make a decision without getting information and thinking things through. The decision is ultimately up to your girlfriend, so you should support her without being demanding. Don’t push your girlfriend one way or another. Avoid making statements like “You need to…” or “You have to…” If your girlfriend is considering multiple options, let her know you care by saying something like “I’ll support you whatever your decision is. ” If your girlfriend asks what you want to do, be honest. If the two of you don’t agree, tell her something like “I know this is a really hard decision to make. I wanted to be honest with you, but I’m willing to talk about it and change my mind if we think another option is better. ” You can also offer to support her decision even if it is different from what you would have chosen.
Make a plan to tell her parents and/or your own before you meet. [12] X Research source Tell the parents something direct like: “I (or we) have some big news to tell you. [Name] is pregnant. ”[13] X Research source Give parents time to speak and react, and be prepared for them to have a range of responses. Parents might be angry, happy, shocked, upset, hurt, disappointed, concerned, excited, or feel a combination of emotions. Remember that parents’ feelings can change over time, just like your own. Most parents want to be supportive, even if they are upset at first.
If your girlfriend wants to have and keep the baby, help her decide how to plan for it, considering finances, education, work, living situations, etc. [16] X Research source If your girlfriend wants to have the baby and offer it for adoption, help her through the adoption process and the decisions that must be made (for instance, whether or not the biological mother and father will be revealed to the child, whether or not there will be contact between the biological and adoptive parents, etc. ). If your girlfriend wants to have an abortion, make sure she understands the medical and emotional risks of the procedure, and that she will be cared for afterwards. Remember that any decision the two of you make will have lasting repercussions–just different ones.
If your girlfriend wants to have to the baby and the two of you do not marry, you may be required to pay child support. The two of you will also have to work out arrangements regarding custody, visitation, etc. If your girlfriend wants to have the baby and offer it for adoption, and you do not, you may or may not be able to get custody of the child (laws vary by state). If your girlfriend chooses to have an abortion, it is her decision (though she may need parental consent if she is a minor, in some states). If you oppose, however, you may be able to work with a counselor to reach an agreement.
Expect there to be some bleeding, cramps, and discomfort afterwards. If there are unusual or unexpected symptoms, such as heavy or continuous bleeding, fever, or extreme pain, help your girlfriend get medical assistance right away. [19] X Research source Help your girlfriend follow any advice from the doctor, such as getting and taking medications, resting, etc. It is normal to have a range of feelings afterwards, or even to have mixed feelings. However, if you think your girlfriend is suffering in some way (depression, stress, etc. ), help her consult a counselor.
Changing roles at home (taking on more chores, for instance). Alterations to sleep schedules. Less attention to each other as you work to meet the needs of pregnancy and a new baby. Different sexual habits, desires, and needs.
There are different options available to birth and adoptive parents. For instance, either side may decide that the child will not know its birth parents, or may seek to continue some kind of relationship. Listen to your girlfriend as she talks about and thinks through these different options. Expect that the process of giving a child up for adoption can cause many different feelings, ranging from happiness to grief or shame. [24] X Research source Help your girlfriend work through these feelings, and seek help from a counselor if necessary.
