Base your opinions of others on several encounters with them, not just 1. People may act and speak differently depending on the situation. For example, you may have a friend who is commonly very fidgety. If so, their fidgeting may not be a sign of lying or nervousness. If you were to meet them on the street, common knowledge would deem them nervous or anxious. Nope. They just have an excited leg. Pay attention to the habits of others. Do they maintain eye contact all the time? Do their voices change when they’re nervous? When they’re preoccupied, how do they transmit it? This will key you in to what you should be looking for when attempting to read them.
Open-ended questions will allow them to talk more so that you can observe them longer. You’ll be best off asking to-the-point, pertinent questions. [1] X Research source If you say, “How’s your family?” you may get a rambling, all-over-the-place response that doesn’t help you gauge well the information you’re looking for. If you say, “What book are you reading currently?” you may be able to gather more personal information.
If something doesn’t seem to add up, you’ll have to ask why, at least initially. They could simply be exhausted, had a fight with their significant other, got yelled at by their boss, or just have some small personal issue that’s sticking in their craw. Do not assume it’s a reflection of your relationship with that person before you have all the details.
Try to a take a cue from their words, their tone, their body, and their face. Once you get one from each and they all line up, it may be safe to proceed. But of course, a good way to ascertain if you’re correct is just to be direct and ask.
Humans generally think of dangerous people as drunkards roaming the street unbathed and carrying a knife. In reality, most psychopaths are charming and have their act together. Though it’s virtually impossible to actually take control of, just be aware that your subconscious is telling you to judge a book by its cover when that’s not necessarily the best or most accurate thing to do.
Positive or comfortable body language cues:[2] X Research source Leaning in forward Relaxed limbs that are at their sides Eye contact Smiling that does not look forced or gritted Negative or uncomfortable body language cues: Leaning away from you Crossed arms or legs Limbs that are moving – a lot of nervous tapping of the fingers or leg, for example Looking away when talking
Anything clenched or tense, if even for a second, can be a sign. A furrowed brow, a tense jaw, it’s all signs of anxiety. If their eyes close for longer than a normal blink, they’re probably stalling and taking a moment to get a grasp on a situation. [1] X Research source It generally is an indicator of someone who is losing grip, be it on themselves or in a situation.
Touching is a tough one, though. Everyone has different ideas of a “personal bubble” and just because someone touches you a lot doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “in. " You could just be one in a line around the block. If you’re curious about their touching habits toward you, monitor them around other people to see where the norm lies.
Some people are not comfortable being within a certain physical proximity of others regardless of the situation. So just because someone keeps their distance, it may not be a reflection of you. The same goes for the opposite end of the spectrum – other people have no concept of personal space. If they’re violating yours, they may not even realize it.
Note the volume – are they talking louder or quieter than usual? Watch to see if they are hedging using their voice, saying “Um,” or “Uh,” often. If this is the case, they might be nervous or lying and trying to buy time. See if their tone conveys an emotion that they’re not expressing outright. For example, do they sound sarcastic or angry? They may feel the need to passively address the situation. If this is the case, it’s best to get everything out in the open.
The recent construction “yeah, no” has become quite popular. Even small two-letter words can be a dead giveaway for ambivalence (or for definiteness or face-saving or assent or dissent or really anything for that matter. [6] X Research source [7] X Research source ) Even if your buddy says, “Dude, c’mon,” that can be a small sign. The “dude” there is to indicate solidarity, an acceptable way of saying “friend. “[8] X Research source So start parsing away those words to get a true indicator of how your target feels.
Watch for body language – are they leaning forward? Do they have relaxed body language (i. e. no crossed arms or tense shoulders)? These are good signs that the person feels comfortable and interested in you. On a date, try to see how much the other person is talking and how engaged they are in the conversation. If they are interested, they will lean forward, nod when you talk, and ask questions. Look for how much they’re smiling. If they seem tense and are not smiling during the entire date, it may mean that they feel uncomfortable. At the end of the date, see how they approach you. This is when you should be especially aware of touch interactions. Do they kiss or hug you? Or do they remain far away? This will give you some insight into how warmly they feel towards you.
Again, you will want to make sure that the interviewer is giving out positive body language like leaning in and asking questions. You want them to be revealing that they are interested in you and what you’re saying. If your interviewer is shuffling papers or checking his or her computer screen or phone, they may be losing interest. Try to recapture their attention if it seems that they are getting impatient or bored. When you are leaving, see how the interviewer says goodbye to you. Do they give you a firm handshake and genuine smile? These are good signs that mean that the interview went well.
