Think of two people you really admire. What do you admire about them? What do you find inspiring? Why? How do you think these things could manifest in your own life? Think about a moment in your life when you felt very satisfied or fulfilled. What was it? Why did you feel that way? If you could change just one thing in your community, what would you change? Why? If your house was on fire (and your family and pets were all safe), what three things would you try to rescue? Why?
Your values are yours, and no values are “superior” or “inferior” to any others. Some people may value Competitiveness while others value Collaboration more highly. There is nothing “wrong” with either of these values. [2] X Research source
For example, perhaps you really value family, but your job demands so much of your time that you aren’t getting the quality time with your loved ones that you really need. Realizing your full potential in this case could mean finding a less-demanding job so that you can become the spouse/parent/friend that you really want to be. Or, perhaps you feel stuck in a mid-level job with no hope of advancement, even though ambition is a core value for you. If this is the case, realizing your true potential could mean changing careers to something that allows you to challenge yourself and grow in new ways.
Begin by imagining that you have been given the power to make your deepest hopes and dreams for your future come true. What does the life of future-you look like? What do you do? Who are you with? How do you feel? Imagine this in as much detail as possible. For example, if you see someone who has just opened her own bakery, think about where it is, how many employees you have, what people think of your business, and how you feel to be your own boss. Examine the character strengths and skills that future-you has used to get to this place. For example, if you own your own bakery, you have some business savvy, you’re good with people, you’re self-motivated, you have a strong work ethic, you have baking skills, etc. Think about which of these strengths and skills you already have, and which you need to further develop. For example, perhaps you are an excellent baker and willing to work hard, but don’t have a clue what it takes to start a small business. Decide how you can develop the areas you identified. In this example, you could read some books on business, talk to other small business owners, and visit the U. S. Small Business Administration’s website for guidance. It is OK to change your mind as you learn more about yourself. Take a step back and ask yourself why you are entertaining a particular version of your full potential and whether it is achievable in theory. If you do not at least consider this, you may be missing out on the chance to re-define your potential and all the joy and meaning that may come along with doing so.
For example, perhaps you are trying to invent the next great technology and it hasn’t worked yet. You’ve tried 7 experiments and all of them have failed. You could generalize from this instance and say, “I’ll never get this work because I’m such a loser. ” A better way to handle this would be to think, “This experiment didn’t work. That’s okay, now I have even more information on what doesn’t work, so I can try something else that might. ” You are not a failure. You are a person who is learning from her mistakes so she can keep developing.
For example, you might get comments back on a school essay that are 70% positive, but you can only focus on the three things that your teacher said needed work and ignore the rest. Challenge yourself to look at the situation as an outsider might. Try to list the facts of the situation as objectively as you can. In this case, you could remind yourself: “Out of the ten comments my teacher gave me, seven of them were complimentary. The three things that need work are things that I can work on. These negative comments don’t discount the positive ones. ”
For example, if you want to master the violin, all-or-nothing thinking would accept nothing less than perfection. It doesn’t allow you room to celebrate your growth as you get better and better at playing a piece; it just judges you for all the mistakes you make along the way. Instead, remind yourself that perfection is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. A single negative experience or mistake doesn’t negate your progress. Extend this generosity to yourself and to others.
For example, realizing your true potential might mean leaving an unhappy relationship. But, you think, what if I never find anyone else to love? I’ll wind up living alone. I’ll be unhappy the rest of my life. I’ll wind up getting eaten by my cats when I die alone in my apartment that nobody visits me in. One way to challenge catastrophizing is to require yourself to find evidence for each “leap” you make. Is it really likely that you will never find anyone to love? No. There are billions of people in the world, so chances are there is more than one you could be happy with. Is it true that if you live alone you must end up lonely and eaten by cats? No. Plenty of people live by themselves and still have full, rewarding social lives.
For example, perhaps you have been told that you “should” have children by a certain age. You might feel like you’re a failure if you have passed that age and have not had children. But consider: do you actually want to have children, or have them right now? Or were you allowing that “should” to make you feel bad about yourself? As long as you are living according to your values, others’ “shoulds” don’t matter. When you find yourself thinking things that involve should/must/ought, think about where that thought is coming from. If you find it coming from a fear or pressure from someone else, challenge that thought. [7] X Research source For example, if you think, “I shouldn’t have that cookie today because I should lose weight,” think: do you feel like you should lose weight because your doctor has told you it would be healthy? Or do you feel pressured by society’s standards? If it’s the former, reframe it as a positive goal: “I won’t have that cookie today because I’m working toward getting healthier. ” If it’s the latter, show yourself kindness: “I will have that cookie because I love myself just as I am, and I don’t need to conform to anyone else’s expectations. ”
For example, if realizing your full potential means mastering the violin, that’s an overall goal. You will need to further break this down into objectives (actions you can take) and tasks (specific, small things to do) to accomplish it. So, if your goal is to master the violin, objectives could be learning vibrato, studying the works of various composers and taking lessons. Breaking those down, you could set tasks for yourself. Breaking down “taking lessons” into tasks could include tasks such as locating a violin teacher in your area, determining how to afford lessons, buying a violin, etc.
For example, if for you mastering the violin meant accomplishing the goals of learning vibrato, learning all the Vivaldi songs, and learning how to tune the violin, you might place tuning the violin as the most important goal, followed by learning vibrato, then learning all the Vivaldi songs. In some cases, some goals are necessary to learn before you can tackle the others. Since Vivaldi songs make use of the vibrato skill, you need to know vibrato before you can fully play Vivaldi. As you get started, be sure to rank highly a goal that is somewhat easily attainable so you can have an early success that will help you to stay motivated. For example, you could set learning how to tune the violin as the first goal you tackled, since this would be easier to tackle than learning a Vivaldi song, and it would help you to further learn and play the violin (since it would be properly tuned for when you practice).
Make sure not to pursue too many objectives at once, or your goals will come into conflict as they compete for your time, and you may end up being less productive. [11] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Break these objectives down into smaller tasks. A task is a small, specific thing that you can do to achieve your objective. [12] X Research source For example, a task could be to practice a vibrato exercise for 15 minutes a day, or to practice 10 bars of a Vivaldi piece for 30 minutes a day until you feel that you have it down and can move on to the next 10 bars.
For example, each time you practice your song, cross the song off your list of daily tasks. When you’ve mastered that song, it’s time to add a new one to the list.
Reframe “failure” as a learning experience. You will undoubtedly make mistakes and experience setbacks on your quest to realize your full potential. However, thinking about these in terms of what you can learn from them to take into the future will keep them from holding you back from progress. For example, if “become a writer” is how you want to achieve your full potential, you will need to realize that there are many challenges you’ll have to overcome to accomplish it. Don’t beat yourself up for these challenges. If, for example, a novel you submit is rejected, don’t take it as proof that you’re a failure and should stop pursuing your goal. Some of the 20th century’s biggest writers were rejected many times at first. Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind was rejected 38 times. Frank Herbert’s Dune was rejected 23 times. J. K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times. These authors finally succeeded because they had a growth mindset, and continually improved their work until it found a home.
Focusing on your smaller objectives and tasks as you work toward your overall goals will help you keep yourself motivated and energized. You’ll be able to cross smaller things off your list as you work toward the biggest goal. Think of it this way: if you decided that climbing Mt. Everest was what you needed to do in order to fulfill your potential, you wouldn’t just go there and try it the next day. (That would be a very quick recipe for disaster. ) You’d get in shape, collect your gear, practice and train rigorously, and find a guide well before you ever set foot on the mountain.
Monitor the way you think. When you talk to yourself about your goal progress, take note of whether you are being optimistic or pessimistic. If you catch yourself saying things about your goals like “this will never work,” try thinking more positive and rational thoughts, such as (if this is true of your goal) “other people have accomplished this so maybe I can, too” or, “I will have fun giving this a try!"[17] X Research source Studies have even showed that thinking positively affects your physical brain. Thinking positively stimulates parts of the brain associated with the imagination, motivation, empathy, and “big-picture” thinking. [18] X Research source
If you can, talk with your role models about how they’ve gotten where they are. For example, if your dream is to be a small business owner, talk with other people who own their own businesses. Ask them how they did it and what skills and strengths they used to accomplish their goals. Try not to idealize role models. It’s especially easy to do this with people you’ve never met, such as celebrities and athletes. While their success may inspire you, remember that you usually don’t see the mistakes and setbacks that these people encounter. Don’t let them become so perfect in your imagination that you judge yourself for not being perfect yourself.
How you interpret what happens in your life is called your locus of control. An external locus of control places responsibilities for things that happen on other people. [21] X Research source For example, if you fail a test, you would be relying on an external locus of control if you blamed the teacher for making the questions too hard. This way of thinking can hold you back from realizing your full potential because you’re always shifting responsibility onto someone or something else. An internal locus of control is where you accept that things that happen are partially in your own control. While you cannot control the outcomes of your actions, you can control your actions. For example, if you fail a test and acknowledge that you could have studied more instead of going out with your friends, you would be using an internal locus of control. This way of thinking helps you move forward because you’re owning your decisions, both wise and less so.
If you are losing your passion, remind yourself why reaching your full potential is important to you and why you were initially passionate about accomplishing your goals. Ask yourself what positive effects realizing your potential will have on yourself and others.
To avoid becoming discouraged, think about others, such as Henry Ford or Dr. Seuss, both of whom faced initial failures and hardship yet persisted and achieved their goals. [26] X Research source
To have patience, remind yourself that realizing your full potential is a long process and that the end goal is not the only thing that matters. If you find yourself becoming too impatient or discouraged, try taking time off and resting up. In taking time off you may ultimately be more productive than if you had continued working at a lesser capacity while facing burnout. [28] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Consider the example of inventor Myshkin Ingawale, who wanted to develop technology to help reduce the maternal death rate in rural India. It took him 32 tries, and 32 failures, to accomplish his goal, but now his technology has cut the death rate of his target population in half. [30] X Research source Ask yourself what is the worst thing that is likely to happen if you try but fail to accomplish a goal? Most likely the outcome of failure will not be that bad. So, what is there to be afraid of? In fact, people tend to overestimate how badly they will feel after failing to achieve a goal; keep that in mind if you are worried about trying but not succeeding. [31] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
If you have trouble feeling proud of your own accomplishments, try writing yourself a letter as if you were writing to a friend. Imagine that your friend has been doing the work that you have. You would feel proud of her, right? You’d probably encourage her to keep going and tell her what great work she’s doing. Why would you treat yourself with any less kindness?[33] X Research source
Humans can “catch” emotions just as we do colds. Surround yourself with people who are positive and working toward their own goals. Their ambition and positivity will “rub off” on you. [37] X Research source
