Studies show that eye contract triggers the limbic mirror system in our brains, which allows us to better understand other people’s emotions and actions. [4] X Research source
Don’t force your breathing to synchronize, buy enjoy the feeling of connection if it happens naturally.
Write about your partner’s personality traits: “You have an incredible sense of humor, and your positivity makes every day better. ” Tell your partner why you’re proud of them: “I’m so proud of how hard you work and how dedicated you are to your clients. ” Describe a way in which your partner inspires you: “When I see you being kind to random strangers, it makes me want to become a better person. ”
Give your partner directions like, “Take three steps to your right,” or “Turn to the left. ”
You can even take turns letting each other speak for five minutes uninterrupted. Only share information that you feel safe sharing. You shouldn’t feel pressured or uncomfortable and neither should your partner.
As you gain more trust, the two of you will move towards being able to go out without checking in. [10] X Research source If your partner is using your transparency to shame, control, or hurt you, do not use this strategy.
Go out for a meal together, or cook a meal together and go on a picnic. Take a bike ride together, walk through a park, or visit a museum. Limit your technology use. While watching TV together can be relaxing, you won’t be as actively engaged with one another.
Try to pick up a new hobby or sport that you’ll both enjoy. Read a thought-provoking book or attend an artsy movie together. Sit together through a guided meditation practice.
Once you have a plan, if your partner is sticking to it, be sure to acknowledge their effort by saying something like, “I really appreciate that you’re sending me a message when you’re going to be working late. ”
Ask a simple question like, “Can you explain to me why this happened?” If you broke the trust, state your motives simply, “I’ve been feeling disconnected in our relationship. ” Describe your actions truthfully, “I was flirting with that man from work over text, and I met up with him once. We’ve cut all communication now. ” Don’t be afraid to ask more questions if you don’t understand or want clarification. For instance, if your partner cheated on you, you can ask, “Is the affair over?”[16] X Research source
Start your apology clearly and without caveats: “I’m so sorry I was unfaithful. ” Acknowledge the damage you’ve done: “I recognize that I hurt you and put our relationship in jeopardy. ” Make a commitment not to do the action again: “I won’t talk to Simon anymore, and I promise not to cheat on you ever again. ” Offer to fix the issue (if you can) or move forward: “Let’s talk about how we can move forward. ”
If you promise to show up at a certain time or to a particular event, show up. If you’re running late or can’t make it, communicate the issue ahead of time, if possible. If you can’t fulfill a request from your partner, be honest and explain why you can’t fulfill the request. For instance, you could say, “I’m sorry, I really can’t pick you up after work because I have to give a presentation for work. ” Keep in mind that rebuilding trust takes time—you have to be patient and stay committed to each other throughout the process. [21] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
Instead of thinking “you did this to me” reframe the situation as “we went through this crisis together. ”
Search the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) online directory in order to find a licensed therapist near you. [25] X Research source Check your insurance company’s list of preferred providers to find someone under your insurance. [26] X Research source Call a local mental health clinic and ask if they can give you contact information for a couples therapist.
