Physical attacks can “cycle”, in that there is a period of calm, followed by an escalation, and then the attack. After the attack, the entire cycle can begin again. If physical threats are a constant, underlying or overt threat, they make you fear for your safety or the safety of the people, things, or even pets you love. The physical abuse can permeate and affect every aspect of your life. The actual acts of physical violence might seem like they are self-explanatory or too obvious to mention. But for people who grew up getting hit, they might not realize that this is not a normal, healthy behavior. Some examples of physical abuse include:[2] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source “Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you. ”[3] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source Denying you the right to meet your basic needs, such as food and sleep. Breaking your belongings or destroying things in your home, such as throwing dishes or punching holes in the walls. Threatening you with a knife or gun, or using a weapon on you. Physically barring you from leaving, calling 911 for help, or going to the hospital. Physically abusing your children. Kicking you out of your car and leaving you in strange places. Driving aggressively and dangerously while you are in the car. Making you drink alcohol or take drugs.
Control the way you dress. Rape you. Purposely give you a sexually transmitted disease. Drug you or get you drunk to have sex with you. Make you pregnant or terminate your pregnancy against your will Make you view pornography against your will.
Name-calling Constant criticism Intentionally embarrassing you Threatening you Using your children against you Threatening to hurt your children or your pets Acting like everything is your fault Isolating you from friends or family Having affairs with other partners or provocative behavior with others Making you feel guilty
An abuser also might move into your home and not contribute to paying any of the bills or expenses. An abuser might withhold money for your basic needs, such as groceries or prescriptions.
Abusers will insist you keep your cell phone on you at all times and answer your telephone the moment it rings. Abusers may use social media to threaten you or emotionally abuse you. They may tell you who you can be friends with on social media. They may insult you in status updates or tweets. They may insist on knowing your passwords.
Emotionally intense and codependent. Charming, popular, and talented. Fluctuates between emotional extremes. Might be a former victim of abuse. May suffer from alcoholism or drug addiction. Controlling. Bottles emotions up. Inflexible and judgmental. Might have a history of abuse and violence in childhood.
Domestic violence occurs across all socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds. Domestic violence is most prevalent in the poorest of neighborhoods and people who went to college but did not finish school.
Men who suffer from domestic violence often feel much more embarrassed of having endured the abuse, so they might not be as likely to come forward. They may feel they need to maintain a macho reputation. They are more likely to be afraid of appearing weak. Abused men have an added stigma and often have no recourse when they are abused by women. They are often not believed, nor are people as sympathetic towards their predicament. This can lead to further isolation and stigmatization.
1,200 women die each year from domestic violence. Two million women sustain injuries every year from domestic violence. Domestic violence victims are at increased risk for emotional, mental, and physical disabilities. This abuse also raises victims’ likelihood by 50% that they cannot walk without using a device for assistance (like a cane or walker), or that they will need a wheelchair. The risk for illnesses increases as well. Victims’ chance of having a stroke is raised by 80%, heart ailments and arthritic joints by 70%, and asthma by 60%. Victims of domestic violence are more at risk for alcoholism.
Loneliness Depression Powerlessness Embarrassment Shame Anxiety Suicidal Fear Isolated from family and friends Struggling with alcohol or drug abuse Trapped with no hope of escape
Your partner may rush you or push you to become more involved at a faster pace than you are comfortable with. If they don’t respect your need to move slowly, or tries to guilt or coerce you into something you’re not ready for, things could potentially turn abusive. Sometimes, the emotions are just unbalanced and your partner feels more for you sooner than you do. This is fairly normal for a relationship. But pushing or rushing can feel really uncomfortable. If it’s persistent or relentless, think about stepping away from the relationship.
Observe the way you and your partner have disagreements. Do you calmly express your feelings and negotiate a resolution that’s satisfying to both of you? Or does every disagreement escalate into a huge, hours-long row? Does your partner instantly begin pouting, yelling, or calling names? This can be a clue to bad things in store. Particularly, watch for your partner to shut down into a moody, angry sulk, with the only responses to your complaints a terse or angry answer.
Assertive communication maintains a level of kindness and respect within the relationship, as well as encourages cooperation in solving problems and issues. There is a healthy amount of respect towards each other. In that, Healthy couples are kind to each other. They do not name-call, put each other down, yell, or exhibit other signs of abusive behaviors. They support each other privately and in public. They also honor their partner’s boundaries.
There’s no set of vocabulary that’s a sure sign of emotional abuse, but listen to the context to be sure. If you’re being denigrated regularly, or disrespected, or put on a level below that of your partner, it’s a sign of abuse. You have the same rights as your partner, and you should be on the same level. [9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Does your partner insist that you go everywhere together and never spend time apart? Does your partner tag along to events that they have no business attending? It may be a sign of possessiveness. [10] X Research source Saying things such as, “You belong to me, and only me” is a sign that your partner views you as property. They will likely become jealous when you behave like a normal person who talks to and interacts with others. Proclamations of love when you’ve only been dating a few days or weeks can also be a sign of a possessive and obsessive partner.
While alcohol or substance use is not necessary a sign of abuse in a relationship, abusing substances or using to excess are risky behaviors. These should be considered along with other warning signs of an abusive relationship. At the very least, take substance abuse as a sign that your partner needs help.
For relationships in which a woman is the abuser, there may be contempt for men that influences how they treats their partner.
Threats to hurt you are as bad as physical violence. Regard them seriously and see them as danger signs of abuse to come. If your partner hurts or injures other people, animals, or is generally very physically violent, this is a sign of a violent person who should be avoided.
An abusive person will often insist that you do things their preferred way and won’t back down until you agree. This might pertain to the clothes you wear, how you do your makeup, what you eat, or the activities you do. If your partner has ever forced you to have any kind of sexual contact without your consent, this is sexual assault. It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship or if you’ve previously consented to sex.
You can also talk to a trusted friend, family member, or other person for advice. Start planning how to end the relationship safely and as quickly as possible.
Find an example from the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence here. Print it out and complete the worksheet.
Once you decide to leave, your abuser will suddenly do anything to get you back. This is yet another way that he seeks to control you. It’s unlikely he can modify his behaviors without significant psychological counseling and/or a batterer’s intervention program.
Limit the conversation to as short a time as possible. Have another person with you for support, so that you won’t be manipulated. If you’re scared for your safety, don’t break off the relationship in person, or find a public place to meet. Bring another person with you. Make certain to ensure your safety first and foremost.
If you need to get a PPO, you should also move somewhere new and change your regular patterns for a while. This will make it harder for your abuser to find you and harass you.
This person may be able to help you avoid future problematic relationships.
