Does it cause physical harm? (biting, head-banging) Does it pose a health risk? (placing objects in the mouth, spinning until she falls down) Does it make a mess or destroy things? (ripping paper) Does it violate others’ personal space? (playing with their hair without permission) Does the autistic child say they want to change the stim?
If you supervise a group of children, talk to them about differences and how to be a good friend. Teach that bullying is wrong and give advice on how to help if they witness bullying. Take reports of bullying very seriously. Cultivate an atmosphere of respect for individual differences. Children will model their behavior after yours.
Stimming can help kids stay calm and self-regulate. [1] X Research source [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source This is a good thing.
For example, a child who hits their head may be suffering from migraines, a toothache, a headache, or lice.
Boredom Sensory seeking Expressing sensory pain (or fear of sensory pain) Frustration Hunger Fear
Pain management Sensory seeking (heavy work, touch, vestibular, etc. ) Release of pain or emotion Cry for help or attention
Read from autistic adults who had the same stims. What did they use as replacements? Did the replacements work? Try making an account under a fake name and posting about the problem in the #AskingAutistics hashtag. Autistic people tend to patrol this hashtag and will likely come to offer help.
Pulling and heavy work: wall push-ups, lifting heavy objects, and grasping the hands and pulling the elbows away from each other Biting: gum, candy, and chewy jewelry Head banging: try heavy work, hitting their fist or head against couch cushions, or hitting their head against a glider rocker
For example, “It worries me when I see you hitting your head like that. You could hurt yourself. I’m sure it’s not fun for you either. Let’s talk about what we can do to keep you safe. "
“Do you think chewy jewelry would help?” “Would you like to help me pick out some jewelry from the website?” “This is the list of ideas I wrote. What do you think? What could we add or change?” “Let’s go to the store this afternoon, and you can pick out the stim toys you want to try. "
“LeBron, is that food? Does it belong in your mouth?” “What belongs in your mouth?” “What do we do when we want to play with hair?” “Remember, when we want to spin, we stop before we get dizzy. Your trampoline is right over there if spinning isn’t enough. " “Honey, you’re hurting your head. " “Hands off your face. Want a tangle or a brush?”
“Julie, I understand you’re upset and hurting. Why don’t we put a pillow between your hands and your head so you don’t injure yourself?” “Please be gentle with your hands. You can bite this. " “Rosario, I saw that you were hitting yourself this morning. You seemed very upset, and I was worried about you. Would you like to talk about what happened?” Avoid grabbing or crowding them, as they may panic and lash out.
“LeBron, I’ll get you a carrot right away. Thank you for asking. " “Rosario, I’m glad that you told me that the classroom was too loud as soon as it started bothering you. You didn’t hit yourself once! Feel free to come to me any time you’re getting really upset. " “Julie, I just wanted to say how brave and strong you were, head-butting the couch cushions today instead of punching yourself. You did a wonderful job handling your frustration, and I’m proud of you. " “Alison, thank you for biting your chewy necklace instead of your hand. Let me know if you want any gum to chew if you get tired of your necklace. "
Reduce demands and sensory input. Let them take a break somewhere quiet. Listen carefully if they’re trying to tell you something. Encourage safe coping mechanisms like harmless stims, special interests, and comfort items (including phones or tablets).
Being a quiet, calming presence can help them calm down a little and may help the meltdown end sooner.
“Hit that. " “Here, pull. " “Big hug?” “Trade. " (to exchange an unsafe object for a safe one)
Hitting or biting: Offer deep pressure. Try offering a very tight hug or massage, focusing on the area the child is targeting. Screaming: Play loud music. If it’s on your phone, move it around (from one ear to the other or close and then far). Throwing objects or throwing themselves to the floor: Try a swing, trampoline, or bouncer. If they’re small enough, you can pick them up and spin them around or toss them onto a safe place (like a bed or soft sofa). Pulling hair: Show them a doll with long hair or one end of a cord and say “pull. "
Hitting themselves: Place a cushion to soften blows. Pounding on objects: Show them a couch cushion or bed and say “Hit that. " Throwing objects: Grab some durable and harmless objects, like pillows or stuffed toys, and put them in reach. Let the child throw these. Then fetch them so the child can throw again. Move fragile or dangerous objects out of reach. Keep bringing them back until the child calms down. Hurting others: Make everyone give the child space. Try to offer safe replacement stims.
Swings and indoor trampolines offer opportunities for repetitive exercise.
Beanbag chair Weighted blankets, lap pads, or toys Swing Fidget toys (tangles, stress balls, and more) Floor trampoline Lava lamps and fans to watch
ABA therapy can be dangerous, particularly if done by providers who aren’t careful in their approach. Be cautious about compliance-based therapies, as they may harm more than they help. Steer your child away from negative or unkind people. If your child is mistreated, talk to them and explain that what happened wasn’t okay and the child didn’t deserve it. Autism cannot be cured or ethically suppressed. If someone is claiming that they can do this, beware.
The last thing you want is for the child to end up feeling over-corrected or dependent on adults for help. Give them praise and encouragement, and don’t overdo the advice.
If the child isn’t communicating reliably or clearly yet, a good speech and language pathologist (SLP) may be able to teach them to speak and/or use another form of communication (like picture cards, sign language, or typing). Ask clarifying questions and slow down if the child is struggling to communicate or seems frustrated.
Stay patient and kind even when the child acts out. This helps them know that they can count on you when they’re upset. Make time for self-care, especially when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope. A calm adult is a helpful adult, so do what helps you feel calm and balanced.
