It’s okay to explain a social rule or tell them that an action of theirs upset you. For example, “This isn’t the back of the line, so we shouldn’t cut in here. I see the back of the line over there. " Autistic people often have strong senses of fairness, so explaining how a social rule fits into these values may help. [3] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Assume that they mean well. Autistic people usually do not mean to be offensive. They don’t want to hurt you or anyone else; they just don’t understand how to respond.
Echo things someone else said. This is called ’echolalia’. Talk about a topic for a long period of time, without recognizing when others have lost interest. Speak honestly, and sometimes bluntly. Interject with statements that seem irrelevant to the current discussion, such as pointing out a pretty flower. Not respond to their own names.
If you have become part of this person’s routine and then break it, it could be very upsetting to your friend. Try to keep in mind their perspective as you interact with him. Keep in mind that just because you may not value routine that much, and so don’t care much whether routine is deviated from or not, to them it may be a huge deal if you deviate from routine.
Some autistic people have more than one special interest at once.
Difficulty reading tone of voice and body language is typical of autistic people, so they may need extra explanation. Autistic people usually have slightly different body language, including an avoidance of eye contact and frequent stimming (repetitive self-soothing behaviors). Recognize your friend’s own personal “normal. " Autistic people often have sensory issues. They may react differently, or even adversely, to strong odors (such as tuna), unexpected touches, loud noises, or certain textures (to name a few).
In fact, such autistic savants are not all that common. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Don’t tell people that your friend is autistic unless they have given you permission. If they mention a need, accommodate it without making it a big deal. They may be surprised at your graciousness, and they will likely appreciate your being understanding.
“I’m feeling really down about my day at work, and I need some quiet time right now. We can talk later. " “Asking Jamal out was really difficult for me, and I was so surprised that he said yes! I can’t wait for our date on Friday. Do you want to help me pick out what to wear?”
If something crosses your boundaries (e. g. , playing with your hair in a way that bothers you), or otherwise upsets you, it’s always okay to explain how you feel. If they state that they want to look less unusual, you might want to subtly point out when they do something strange. Explain it clearly and without condescension, the way you might tell a new driver how to merge onto a highway.
Help them get to a quiet, peaceful place with less noise and movement. Take them away from crowds and spectators. [9] X Research source Ask before touching or grabbing them. For example, “I’d like to take your hand now and lead you outside. " You don’t want to startle or scare them. Avoid criticizing their behavior. They can’t control themselves very well right now, and you don’t want to stress them even further. If you’re overwhelmed, leave. Ask if they would like a tight hug. Sometimes this helps. Let them relax for a while afterwards. They might want one-on-one time, or want to be alone.
If you see someone else being rude or mean to the autistic person, say something. Encourage your friend to recognize when they are being mistreated, and to stand up for themselves. This can be difficult for autistic people, especially those who have PTSD as a result of compliance therapy or other bad experiences.
A broad question like “What is it like to be autistic?” is too vague, and the autistic person will probably be unable to put such a complicated thing into words. Specific questions, like “How does sensory overload feel?” or “Is there a way I can help when you get too stressed?” are more likely to result in a useful answer. Be sure to do so in a quiet place when you are alone so as not to draw a lot of attention to them. Be sure to speak clearly and genuinely, so the autistic person doesn’t misunderstand or think you are teasing.
Fidgeting with objects. Rocking. Flapping and fidgeting with hands. Bouncing. Head banging. Squealing. Repeatedly feeling the texture of something, such as hair.
