Try seeing things from your teen’s perspective. Why do you think he or she is resistant to having a healthy relationship with you? Where is he or she coming from in regards to the conflict? Is there anything you’re doing that’s ineffective when it comes to communication?[1] X Research source Do not worry about who is right. Look for the pattern. What behaviors are creating a negative home environment and how can the two of you work together mutually to address those behaviors? Try beginning a conversation like this: “I notice that I ask you to do put your dirty dishes in the sink. Even when you say you will, you don’t end up doing it a lot of the time and I end up having to get on your case. This causes you to get angry. What do you think we can do to solve this problem more effectively?"[2] X Research source
Always let your teen know if they need you, you can be there to talk. Do not pressure them or make them feel obligated to share. Simply say something like, “If you need me, I’m always here to chat. " Make sure your teen knows when he or she can reach you when you might not be readily available. Have your work phone number available for emergencies. Text your teen if you can’t take a call at a given moment.
People begin to explore new behavior during their teenage years. Sexual feelings emerge and your teen might be curious about exploring aspects of the adult world, like engaging in drinking. Allow your teen to express themselves to you without judgment, but serve as a gentle reminder that safety is important. Do not be afraid to talk to your teen about the dangers of drinking and unprotected sex. Just make sure you do so in a way that makes it clear you want your teen to be safe and happy. Do not frame it in a judgmental tone. Try saying something like, “I know teenagers are curious about trying new things, but I want you to be safe and happy. Can we spend some time this week talking about drinking and drug use?”
Withhold judgment during conversations but maintain honesty. If certain topics inevitably lead to judgment and hostility, halt the conversation with something like, “I don’t think we should talk about this. " Make time for casual conversation. If you only discuss relationship problems with your teen conversation will always feel stressful and forced. Talk about fun, unimportant matters like movies, TV shows, celebrity gossip, and other fun interests. Ease into making conversation with your teen. You can’t expect your teen to want to open up and be friends with you over night. Take tiny, gradual steps when it comes to repairing a damaged relationship.
Practice active listening with your teen. It’s important for teens to feel heard and acknowledged. Give non-verbal clues, like nodding and smiling when appropriate, to show you are listening. Repeat back what your teen just said in a brief summary. For example, if your teen is saying he feels like his friends ditched him at the hockey game last week say something like, “So, you’re feeling left out because your friends didn’t seem to want to spend time with you?” This will show your teen you’re paying attention and care. Active listening prevents misunderstandings, a factor that can damage any relationship. It also forces you to listen and take in what your teen in saying.
Feelings of sadness, frequent crying bouts, fatigue, loss of interest in activities, and difficulty concentrating serve as symptoms of depression in both teens and adults. There are some symptoms of depression that teens tend to show more often than adults. These include an irritable or angry mood, complaints of various aches and pains, sensitivity to criticism, and withdrawing from friends and family members. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source A teen may act out when experiencing depression and anxiety as a means to cope with emotional pain. He may experience problems at school, academically and behaviorally, and become addicted to going online or abuse drugs and alcohol. Your teen may also develop chronic low self esteem, engage in high risk behaviors, and sometimes lash out at others in violence. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Actively listening means giving verbal and non verbal cues you are paying attention to what’s said. Nod on occasion and say things “Yes” and “Uh-huh. " Smile and laugh at appropriate times. [7] X Research source When it’s your turn to speak, take a few moments to reiterate what the other person said. Briefly summarize the points they made, something like “I understand you feel like. . . " or “I’m hearing you’re feeling very. . . “[8] X Research source
Think about past friendships that were positive as well as your relationships with family members. What did you like about these relationships? Did you feel supported, secure, safe? Did you feel this way in regards to the damaged relationship? Why or why not?[11] X Research source Look for friends that bring out the best qualities in you. If you don’t like how you behave in the presence of a particular person, that friendship might not be worth your time. [12] X Research source Repair relationships only with those who treat you with respect. Some relationships became damaged for a reason. If you feel disrespected, there is nothing wrong with wanting to end a relationship. [13] X Research source
Abusers tend to be very jealous. An abusive friend or boyfriend or girlfriend will get jealous easily and worry about abandonment. Abusers mistrust you when you try to ease their fears and will likely ignore the things you say. [14] X Research source Abusers often lash out in anger. An abuser might curse at you, yell at you, or blame you for problems over which you have little control. This anger can sometimes turn violent. You should never stay close to someone who harms you physically. [15] X Research source James M Sama. Personal Development Coach. [16] X Research source
