Often, a parent first becomes suspicious when a child makes a chance remark: a teacher touched her, a janitor scared him. It’s vital for parents to keep their heads as they try to find out what happened. If her parents get frantic, a small child may clam up. Or, if her answers don’t seem to satisfy the grown-ups, she may try to produce details-true or not. “We don’t ask suggestive questions, we let the material come from the child,” says Ethel Amacher, clinical director of the National Children’s Advocacy Center in Huntsville, Ala. “Children are remarkably able to tell the truth.”
Too often, parents jump to conclusions, and the hysteria can spread quickly to other families. “As a parent, wondering whether your child has been abused, how do you live with the uncertainty?” says a psychologist familiar with several of the more notorious preschool cases. “It might be easier to decide it happened, because then there’s a whole bunch of positive things you can do. Maybe living with the ambiguity is just too hard.”
By far the best way to deal with sex abuse is to prevent it from occurring. In-school prevention programs abound, but there is little agreement on the most effective methods. “The best programs emphasize communication, teaching children to tell somebody,” says Karen McCurdy of the NCPCA. “According to interviews with men who have committed sex abuse, that would be a big deterrent.” Interviews with offenders also indicate that they tend to prey on children they consider vulnerable-lonely, or easily manipulated. Perhaps the best way for parents to help their children avoid victimization is to instill in them more than just the facts about danger. Parents can encourage self-confidence early on, and make sure their kids feel comfortable talking to them about anything. No child can be made invulnerable-but many can be made strong.
