Say it fast. Don’t trip over your words, but don’t stop to chat if you’ve made it known you have places to be. [1] X Research source A good example of the need for brevity are run-ins at work: Them: “Hey, I could use your help with a presentation later today. " You: “Nope, can’t do it. Unfortunately got my hands tied with work all afternoon. " Them: “How about now?” You: “Gotta start the work sometime, I’m afraid; good luck with the presentation, though. Remember: don’t just read what the projector shows. Gotta be running now, see you later. " Offering a quick bit of advice–whatever you can spare–is a kind gesture if you’ve got to brush someone off. Always look to have the last word, and make sure to go when you’ve said, “I’m going. "
Say it in person, if possible. Especially if it’s something of significance, people appreciate a face-to-face meeting, particularly in this age of text messages and e-mails. [2] X Research source Kindness is key if turning down someone for an outing, or a date: Them: “Would you want to be my plus one at that work gala this weekend?” You: “That’s so sweet of you to ask, but unfortunately I can’t make it. " Them: “No worries, I knew it couldn’t hurt to ask. " You: “I’m glad you did; I appreciate the thought. "
For example, if someone asks you to help them move on the weekend, but you’ve already got plans, make it known: You: “Oh, I wish I could help but I’ve made plans already. " Them: “I see; are you sure? I know how people hate to move stuff. " You: “Yeah, I promised a friend from out of town time to hang out this weekend. I’m bummed, I’d love to see your new place. " Them: “Got it. You’ll have to come over sometime later then. " You: “Sounds like a plan. "
For example, if you’ve already given a no to an unpopular co-worker, careful what you agree to later: Them: “Are you still coming to the barbecue this weekend?” You: “Turns out my mother is coming into town, so probably not. I’d think of swinging by but I already turned down Glen for something with the same reason. " Them: “Glen will probably be at the party. " You: “Then it’s a definite no. I’m not looking to hurt his feelings. "
Avoid over-explaining. Don’t detail every to-do item that keeps you from helping. It not only wastes time, but it also provides an opportunity for ask-er to work around your “no,” to exchange help for help, potentially. Put the blame on you, but don’t insult yourself. Avoid convincing others that you should not have been asked in the first place–or that there is someone better. Instead, reassure them that you would help if you could. [3] X Research source
If you’re really without a good excuse, just be straightforward. At worst, you’ve lost the attention of someone who wouldn’t respect your honesty.
Don’t strain yourself in pursuit of their empathy. Some people just won’t take no for an answer, and in this instance, those people will always be upset with you. Know when you’ve said all you can.
Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself or even walk away. On occasion, the “no” will mean the end of the conversation if the person asking refuses the polite no.
Consider offering your help at a later date. If possible, this avoids rejection while also giving you the time you need to finish the tasks at hand. Defer to a co-worker. You demonstrate modesty by admitting that a peer may be better equipped to help than yourself. If not better equipped, do your best to find a colleague who is simply less busy. [4] X Research source
In general, try to get on the same page with your boss in terms of what your responsibilities, goals, and expectations are. [6] X Expert Source Lauren KrasnyCareer Coach Expert Interview. 27 March 2020.
Don’t spread yourself too thin. Part of learning to say “no” is avoiding exactly this. Be careful not to give to so many that you end up giving very little to anyone in particular. Saying “no” is part of being a determined, focused person; let it be known that you’ll take things one at a time.
