Start with statements like, “I am. . . " or “What I’m really proud of myself for is. . . " Answer each statement with at least 8 to 12 responses. List your strengths and weaknesses, as well. Most people can identify at least one good thing and one bad thing about themselves, no matter how inflated their ego might be or how beaten up their self-esteem as become. Write out what you believe to be your strong points and your failings, as determined only by your gut response.
Pay special attention to what these stories say about you as a person. Do the stories convey your honesty or your bravery? Are you keen on telling them because these traits exemplify your standard behavior, or do you tell these stories because they are rare examples of traits you wish you possessed more of?
For example, as a kid, you may have treasured the times you spent doing things independently and on your own. If you still value your personal space, this craving for freedom is an obvious part of who you really are. If you are presently tied down to a number of obligations, though, ask yourself why. You may have learned to value family and friends in a new way, in which case, the desire to meet any related obligations could be part of the real you. On the other hand, you might be tying yourself down just to fit in with outside expectations, in which case, the real you is still the independent person you were as a child.
By the end of your mirror ban, you may also reach the realization that the only one so concerned and critical of your appearance is yourself. Once you force yourself to stop fixating on your supposed physical flaws, you will likely notice that no one else is stepping up to fixate on them in your place. As a result, you may eventually realize that the negative beliefs you held about your appearance are not true, after all.
If you have difficulty quieting the noise in your head right away, plan on taking a vacation of sorts away from your inner nag ahead of time. Take care of as many of your needs as possible so that you will have little, if anything, to do during that week or so of “vacation. " Schedule your obligations so that there will be no outside anxieties invading your thoughts during that time.
You can make people comfortable with the idea of criticizing you by learning to criticize yourself. If you can demonstrate constructive self-criticism, the people around you may feel more comfortable telling you the truth as they see it. Some people are naturally more comfortable with being honest. Others learn to be honest once they become comfortable with someone. You should have one or both of these types of people in your life. When people do criticize you constructively, listen carefully and accept what they have to say. Do not react in anger and do not pressure other friends into supporting or denying their claims.
Looking up to other people also gives you a goal to strive for. No one is perfect, but oftentimes, you tend to admire people who possess positive qualities you tend not to possess. Admiring these people can make you more aware of qualities you do not possess, and once you become aware of these qualities, you can later try emulating them in your own life.
With each perception or statement you made, ask yourself: “Is it really true?” “Can I prove it to be completely true? Can I prove it to be false?” “How do I react, physically and emotionally, to this thought or idea?” “Are there positive attributes associated with this negative quality?” / “Are there negative attributes associated with this positive quality?”
The trick is to find something you know nothing about and to force yourself into learning about it. If you know nothing about cooking, for example, then learn how to cook. You need to pay special attention to your responses and reactions during this time. This process also needs to be completed on your own. Do not rely on others to get you through it.
Understand that accepting your failings is a necessary part of seeing yourself as you really are. Aside from that, only in acknowledging and accepting your failings can you hope to eventually improve upon them. You need to do away with excuses, as well. For instance, if you procrastinate habitually, do not try to justify it by saying that you get the work done anyway and so it doesn’t really matter. Instead, simply admit to yourself that you procrastinate.
Similarly, you should project inwardly whenever you feel tempted to complain about other people. When this happens, stop and ask yourself if there might be other people making the same complaints about you.
For example, if you crave a relationship with a certain person and feel justified in your desire, think about what an outside, uninvolved individual might see. If an objective view would consider you to be naive or reckless, you should try to accept that trait of yours for what it is.
Every time you sit down to write in your journal, you should keep writing until you reach some sort of understanding or state of heightened emotion. Make sure that you take the time to write in your journal when you can focus on the task without distraction.
You need to emphasize to yourself that you are valuable, even with all your faults and failings When you sense your perceptions swinging in an unfairly negative direction, challenge the unwarranted guilt. If something goes wrong and you tell yourself, “I can’t do anything right,” quickly correct yourself by listing off examples of things you have done right.
