Knowing how you and your partner express love and feel loved can be really important to your relationship because partners can show love in very different ways. For example, if you give gifts to show your love while your partner feels loved through time spent together, consider taking an evening to spend together to show them your love instead of buying them something nice. You should ask your partner what makes them feel loved, or you can think about what they have said means a lot to them when it comes to feeling loved. Once you know what your partner likes, make a conscious effort to show your love in those ways. Communicate with your partner the things that you need to feel loved.
If your partner says they don’t want something, don’t do it anyway. For example, if you buy your partner a hat they don’t need because you think that they do, they might become bitter about the present. Write down what your partner says makes them feel loved and consult it when you are trying to decide what to do for him or her. Or ask your partner’s close friends about the things they like or need when in doubt. Notice the ways your partner changes and grows. For example, if your partner has become more health conscious and changed his or her diet, don’t make them the food they liked before. Make or buy new food for your partner to show that you support their new lifestyle.
Because it is time just for the two of you doesn’t mean that you have to be alone. You can go to a bowling alley, go to the beach or do something fun- just make sure that your main focus is your partner while you do your activity.
Explain to your partner why you think you two need space. For example, you can say something like, “I think I should go to my sister’s for the weekend because I want to give you space to do your project. What do you think about that?” Taking space doesn’t mean that you are going to see other people. It simply means that you are giving each other distance so you can focus on something or let your partner focus on something he or she needs to do.
If your partner has done something for you- thank them for it. Write a little note of thanks for him or her and put it in their bag. Or you can send a text message that tells him or her how much you appreciate what they did with a picture of you looking silly and happy.
You can make funny observations to your partner based on where you are. Look around at the environment that you are in, and say something about it that is exaggerated, or point out something curious. For example, if your car is really cluttered and you are giving your partner a ride somewhere, you can ask, “So are you going to break up with me now because of my car?”
Try to accept your partner for who they are including both the good and the bad. Realize their faults as well as their strengths, and love them for the whole thing. Be prepared to forgive your partner for the mistakes they makes, and be ready to encourage them to keep trying. Also try to be forgiving because you are going to make mistakes, too. Don’t try to change your partner. If you are trying to change your partner, you won’t be able to fully love them because you will be worried about changing them. However, if there is self-destructive behavior, you should talk to a professional and get help.
Send a random text that says I love you to your partner. Be careful of saying I love you so often that it loses its power.
Ask your partner something like, “What do you like about our relationship, and what can I do better to show my love for you?”. Share your own feelings and feedback about the relationship with your partner. Tell your partner the good things that you have enjoyed in your relationship, and also tell them the things that they could do to make you feel even more loved. Consider having these dates regularly if you are in a long term relationship.
If you are genuinely busy, tell your partner that you would like to talk later. Explain that you can’t respond right now because you are doing something that needs your full attention. You can kiss your partner on the forehead and give them a genuine smile to let them know that you care.
Do not hold the things you do for your partner over their head, and give to this account without expecting a return. Check your motivations when you are doing things for your partner. Do things because you want to do them and not because you want something from your partner.
Whomever the important people are in your partner’s life, get to know those people.
You can get your partner something that benefits everyone. For example, maybe your partner is really craving chips and salsa from a certain Mexican restaurant. Go to that restaurant and pick up chips and salsa and surprise your partner with them at lunch with the family.
Do side by side activities that your partner wants to do with you. For example, if your partner likes to go to Bible study at your church, attend Bible study with them, and then go to a coffee shop after and talk about the study. Or if your partner likes board games, play one of their favorite games with them. You can try doing couple day activities for each person in the relationship. On one day, or for a period of time, one person in the relationship gets to pick all of the activities that the couple does for that day.
Be careful not to buy your partner that special coffee maker because you like coffee. If your partner notices that you benefit as much or more from the gift, they might not find the gift as nice.
Even for people who are not as obvious about their need for physical touch, physical affection is a key part of a healthy relationship. When it comes to sex, ask your partner the things that they likes, and work on making sex good for both of you. Touch each other in passing. If you don’t have a lot of time to spend together, make sure you make physical contact with your partner when you get a chance. Simply giving each other a good hug when you first see each other or when you leave can help make you feel more connected. Spend time cuddling. Plan to have a night where you spend time cuddling while you watch a movie or spend time together on the couch. Some people in particular are very visual and will enjoy it when you do things to suggest doing other things with them. For example, you can bend down and tie your shoes while you make flirty eye contact with them. Do sweet things like kiss your partner on the forehead. This can give your partner the “I’m here-for-you” vibe Give them small kisses throughout the day, rub their neck and shoulders, and while you are standing or walking, casually put your arm over their shoulder, or around his or her waist.
