Some people will use negging as a way to get women interested in them. While it sounds silly, the thought is that by lowering your self-esteem, you’ll work that much harder to keep them interested.
When people use negging as a flirting tactic, they expect you to defend yourself or ask them what they mean. If you don’t engage them, they don’t have much to work with, so it’s more likely that they’ll just move on.
If someone says, “You look great! You’d look even better if you lost a few pounds,” you could try, “Thank you! I’ve actually been working out a lot lately, so I should lose some more weight soon. ” If someone says, “I love your outfit! You really don’t care about other people’s opinions, huh?” you might try, “Thanks! I’ve been working on raising my self-esteem and ignoring people’s opinions, so that means a lot to me. ”
If you hear, “Your sister is in awesome shape. Maybe you should get some advice from her,” you could say something like, “Wow, sounds like you want to date my sister! Maybe I should give you her number. ” If they say, “Are you really going to eat all that?” you could try, “Yup, I am! Why, does that intimidate you?”
“You got that promotion? I’m so proud of you! I know you worked really hard. ” “You look amazing tonight! I love your outfit. ”
“When you give me backhanded compliments, I feel like you’re trying to embarrass me. ” “Sometimes it feels like you’re constantly trying to one-up me. I don’t want to be in a competition with you. ”
“I want this relationship to work, but I can’t stay in it unless you stop putting me down. ” “If your behavior doesn’t change, I’m going to have to end things. ”
You can also talk to a couple’s counselor for the opinion of an unbiased third party.
Negging often goes hand in hand with gaslighting, which is when someone tries to get you to question your version of reality. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse, and it’s a sign that you need to end the relationship right away. Remember, your safety is your top priority. If you are in an abusive relationship and you need help, call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233.
