Spending time in a place where you can be yourself is a good way to identify what makes you, you. Try going to your favorite place in nature, or spending time near people who get you. When you can really be yourself, what qualities emerge? It may also help to ask people you trust what good qualities they see in you. Sometimes it’s difficult to see our own strengths clearly.
How would you like to live your life? Would you like to be healthy and vital? Would you like to have deeper connections with people in your life? What will make you proud to be able to say about yourself in ten years time?
Now that you have this schedule, see if your priorities are reflected in your daily activity or not. Can you draw links between what you cherish and what you know must be taken care of each day? For example, if you already eat a nourishing breakfast in the morning, you can connect this up with a stated priority of maintaining a healthy body and mind. If you cannot see the connection between how you spend your time and what your deeper priorities are, you will know that a significant overhaul may be in order.
For instance, you might be confused about where to place an activity like calling your mom. Ask yourself: do you call your mom daily because you would feel guilty or fear hurting her if you don’t check in? Or, do you talk to her frequently because you prioritize family and talking to her sparks the joy of connection in you? Yes to the first option shows that the activity is urgent, and yes to the second means that it is valuable.
Slowly, you’ll learn to make different decisions about what needs to be done and when. This time, caring for your priorities and growth rather than simply running in fear of consequences. Begin to notice which obligations can be altered, split, or delegated in order for your values and priorities to be upheld. Can an aunt, friend, or coworker help out with the obligation half time? Or maybe the task is truly the responsibility of someone else - let that person rise to the opportunity to be responsible and handle the task.
Honestly ask yourself the questions: “Who makes me feel shrunken when I’m around them? Who makes me feel like my contributions are trivial?” You might be surprised (and shaken) to find that people who we love very much bring out tendencies of self-effacement and repression of our true feelings.
For example, you might have a co-worker who always leaves you responsible for your least favorite task, filing papers. If you calmly let your co-worker know that filing papers is a major source of upset for you, you could work out a way to share the burden. Perhaps your co-worker simply forgets to file papers and doesn’t mind taking on the task entirely. Either way, you’ll feel empowered for making an adjustment that frees up more time for enjoyable activities.
The more time by yourself spent outside, the better. When possible, spend your alone time in the backyard or at a nearby park. This will make it so you have fewer reminders of the other things you need to be doing and more reminders of the beauty there for you to slow down and appreciate.
Say you were assigned a paper in class with a long, confusing prompt. A voice might pop up that tells you that there’s no way you can handle it because you’re so far behind already. Respond to this voice by letting it know that you work well under pressure or that you’re a savvy writer regardless of the topic.
When making amends, you don’t have to commit to having a long confrontation about whatever happened. What’s important is to let this person know that you have recognized unresolved issues related to them, and that you intend to move forward in your life with respect for them and gratitude for the lessons of your shared experience. Writing a brief email can show how much you’ve built up a past situation in your mind. Peeking into the closet and greeting some skeletons can usher in a sense of peace.
For example, you might have a bill due in four days. But, you also have on your list taking a walk through your neighborhood. It seems obvious that spending your time paying the bill will relieve your stress—it’s an obligation that you could be getting out of the way! But since today is not the due date, you can choose to deal with the bill when you must, since your need for movement and refreshment is more important to your happiness today.
If getting 7-8 hours of sleep is not an option for you, do allow yourself to take catch-up naps after nights of less satisfying sleep. Learning to improve your sleeping habits is invaluable.
Keep a list of basic items to keep around so that you can always prepare a quick meal or nutritious snack. By having reliable options, you will also avoid the over- and under-eating that normal come along with (and worsen) stress.
Remember not to commit yourself to an amount of exercise that isn’t desirable for keeping your priorities. The goal is to make you more fit to live the life you want to live, not to load you up with another obligation that you don’t care about. If you know that muscular endurance is not a priority for your life, choose brisk walks over weight training.
The answer is not necessarily no–you may be having a glass of wine with your family or friends whose presence you value. But, the drink may also be helping you avoid a to-do list item or hindering your ability to see your priorities in action.
