If you’re having trouble getting started, brainstorm. Set a 15 minute timer, think about your loved one, and write down anything that comes to mind. Use photographs, scrapbooks, and other mementos of the person to inspire you as you write.

A five minute speech will be around 650 words long.

You might list their best qualities, their most particular quirks, their fervently held beliefs. Say what you’ll miss about the departed, but don’t talk too much about how devastated you are. Your feelings are relevant, but they are not the primary focus of the speech.

For instance, if your loved one always stuck up for the underdog, you might tell a story about the time they stuck up for someone. If they were exceptionally clever, you might tell a story of the time they got the two of you out of a bad situation with quick thinking.

Identify struggles that they faced and conquered. For example, if they lost someone close, talk about that loss and how it affected them. Describe the important relationships of the departed, including your own relationship with them. For example, you can talk about how much they loved their daughter. Talk about their passions, hobbies, and talents.

The quotation should not take up more than a minute of your speech—your words will ultimately be more meaningful.

Next, say your speech without reading, though you may glance down whenever you forget what’s next. Do this many times. Focus on areas where you forget what to say, and practice them extra. You aren’t required to memorize the speech, and it might even be more natural if you didn’t.

Take deep breaths. Drink water. Look at a friend or family member in the audience for support. Command yourself by name. Giving yourself short mental commands while addressing yourself by name helps you stay in control. If you start to lose it, think “Patricia, calm down. "

Don’t stare down at your notes or at the podium.

When you talk about someone, look at them.

Speak in a conversational tone. There’s no need to pitch your voice for drama—the situation will speak for itself. Speak more slowly than you normally would. Not only will this help the audience understand you, but it may keep you calm as well.