Try to say something encouraging. For example, “Hey, you’ve seemed pretty down lately. I just wanted to check in. "
If you ask someone if they want to talk, and they provide brief, curt answers, this is a good sign they are not ready. While you may worry about someone isolating themselves, you do not want to alienate them by forcing a conversation they do not want.
For example, avoid phrases like, “Everyone feels down sometimes. " While this is true, depression is different from normal sadness. It’s more complicated and chronic. Instead, say something like, “I know depression has to be very difficult. I’m really sorry you’re experiencing it. "
Use non-verbal cues to show you’re listening. Nod and make eye contact. Give verbal cues as well, by saying things like, “Yeah” and “Uh-huh. " It can also help to reiterate the person’s feelings to clarify you understood. For example, “I hear that you’re feeling very tired lately all the time, and that’s very frustrating for you. " Be careful to avoid seeming like you are pitying the person. Aim to show empathy for the person rather than sympathy. Empathy means you are attempting to see what they’re going through, rather than feeling sorry for them.
How long have you been feeling this way? When did you start experiencing these feelings? Did anything happen to trigger this? Are you getting help?
For example, say, “I understand this may be hard to believe now, but I know you’ll feel better someday. This will pass. I promise. " After stating as much, remind them you’ll see it through with them. For example, say, “Until then, I’m here whenever you need me. "
For example, someone says, “I feel like I’m failing at everything right now. I’m so mad at myself. " Respond with, “I know it feels that way, but I think you’re amazing. I believe that you can get through this and I’ll be there to help. "
Start off by saying something like, “What can I do for you?” Make it clear you mean more than just listening with this statement. Follow up with something like, “I know you haven’t been keeping up with chores. I’m willing to do your dishes if you need that. " Always follow up. If you say you can help with something, make sure you actually provide the help you offered.
Stay something like, “I know this is rough, but I’m not going anywhere. I will ride this out with you. "
Keep in mind that they might say no, and it is important for your to honor their decision. Don’t try to pressure them or make them feel bad for not wanting to do something. Activities that take place in nature can be especially helpful for depression, so you might consider inviting them on a hike, bike ride, or kayaking. [7] X Research source
For example, do not ask them if they’ve tried something like a specific exercise routine or a certain medication. The person is probably handling the depression with a therapist. You should also avoid telling them to change their mentality. Do not say things like, “Why don’t you practice rejecting or replacing negative thoughts?” This can easily come off as condescending.
