The little spoon: This is typically the smaller partner. This position usually will fall to the more feminine partner. The Big Spoon: This will often be the dominant partner. This is typically the taller or more masculine partner. A quick test to figure out which spoon is the big spoon: whoever hugs the other partner while cuddling should be the big spoon. These roles aren’t always black and white, quite often big spoons will enjoy occasionally being the little spoon. [2] X Research source
See “Avoiding Awkwardness” below for information on what the big spoon can do with their bottom arm.
The T-Rex Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon’s bottom arm is caught behind the back of the little spoon creating a T-Rex arm (bent at the elbow) that has no room to expand. Army Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon’s bottom arm is forced to be straight at their side. This is often uncomfortable and creates a barrier between the big spoon’s front and the little spoon’s back, therefore decreasing intimacy. Superhero Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon’s bottom arm is forced to extend straight-up as if they were about to fly. While this allows the big spoon to put their arm under the neck of the little spoon, increasing intimacy, this can quickly lead to a dead arm and leaves little room for the big spoon to escape. Hugging Arm happens when two people are spooning on their sides and the big spoon’s bottom arm is wrapped around the waist of the little spoon. This can lead to the worst possible scenario: Big Spoon’s arm falls asleep and Little Spoon’s too comfortable to wake up and free the big spoon’s arm. Amputation is then the only way to break free without waking your partner. If you do try to escape, try explaining why you woke your partner without sounding selfish (Hint: it’s not going to happen).
Fake it so you don’t hurt your partner’s feelings. Use a fake yawn or a casual sleep “grunt” to establish that you are “doing this in your sleep”. This will establish that you are doing this while sleeping and not because they are a bad spoon. This will spare their feelings and prevent any confrontation. Once you create your escape noise, be sure to continue using it before and after you escape and then periodically. It’s called establishing your baseline and this is going to make this a whole lot more convincing. Do a limb block. The goal is to be able to roll out of the position. This means you will need a clear escape route that involves as little effort as possible––‘you are doing this in your sleep. First remove any arms or legs by either: Slowly move the limb yourself without waking them. To move a limb without your partner noticing, it’s going to be a single, slow, and methodical motion. This is going to need to be done with your eyes closed. If the other person catches you, play “asleep. " Creating an uncomfortable situation for your partner that makes them move that limb. If you are experiencing issues with being able to move an arm or limb, or heaven forbid are the bottom spoon in a position, it’s going to be best that you make your partner as uncomfortable as possible. Then when they move, you are guilt-free. Swiftly roll out. Roll over to an open space in the bed by tucking all of your limbs as close to your body as possible and then “rolling” in one motion to the free space. This is a commitment. Once you start to roll, you cannot abort the mission. This is a red-flag that you are awake. This will make it extremely obvious that steps one and two were purposeful and that you were trying break the “intimacy” that the spooning set out to establish.
Slowly move the limb yourself without waking them. To move a limb without your partner noticing, it’s going to be a single, slow, and methodical motion. This is going to need to be done with your eyes closed. If the other person catches you, play “asleep. " Creating an uncomfortable situation for your partner that makes them move that limb. If you are experiencing issues with being able to move an arm or limb, or heaven forbid are the bottom spoon in a position, it’s going to be best that you make your partner as uncomfortable as possible. Then when they move, you are guilt-free.
