Most people become at least a little nervous around people they’re attracted to. A confident guy isn’t necessarily a player, but if he doesn’t break a sweat while asking you out or seems rather aloof about the whole deal, he might not be that serious about you.
Not every older man is a player, of course, but if there’s a huge age gap and he exhibits other signs of being a player, that age gap may work against him. Similarly, not every player is an older man. There are plenty of young players out in the world, too.
Moreover, if he’s always on his phone or looks at it more than he looks at you, that could be another bad sign. This piece of advice isn’t an invitation to swipe his phone and look at his call log, though. Many people view that as an invasion of privacy, and even guys who aren’t players might get upset at the breach of trust. You usually won’t need his text or call history as evidence, anyway, since being overprotective of his phone is a bad enough sign on its own.
This does not mean that you should stalk him. A healthier way to find out where he’s going is ask around and find out who might’ve seen him and where he was when it happened. You could also try visiting the spot you met him on an evening he might be there.
Pay attention to the types of compliments he gives you. If they’re general, overused compliments that could apply to nearly any woman—beautiful hair, gorgeous smile, etc. —it could be a sign that he isn’t putting much thought into who you are and what makes you special. You should also be cautious around men who specifically compliment your insecurities. Similarly, most players are quick to address you with one or more pet names, like “honey,” “sugar,” and “baby. ” Pet names that develop after an extended relationship are usually okay, but be wary around guys who use pet names from day one.
Lies about his past, where he spent time recently, or who he’s been with are some of the most common ones to watch out for. If you’re suspicious about something and confront him about it, watch his reaction. Players will generally try to laugh it off and change the topic. When that doesn’t work, they may admit to the truth but somehow blame you for their lie. [5] X Research source
Everyone wants to look good in front of someone they’re attracted to, but the player will usually look a little too good. If his life story seems scripted and too good to be true, it probably is. Pay attention to the details. If some of the details don’t match up, it could be an indication that he’s lying about who he is.
Skilled players may know well enough to ask about your life, but won’t be interested enough to remember what you say. Bring up things you’ve talked about in past conversations. It’s probably fine if he occasionally forgets about small details, but it’s usually a bad sign if he makes a habit of forgetting.
He may ask about your past relationships and fixate on the insecurities you felt during those times. By knowing what makes you insecure, he can figure out how to work that to his advantage. When talking about his own past relationships, he may leave out many of the details but stress that he’s been hurt in the past. A quick mention of past hurts may not be bad, but if he plays it up to evoke pity from you, it may be another manipulation tactic.
Players usually ask you out on short notice. Since they aren’t genuinely looking forward to seeing you, they turn you into a backup plan and ask you out only when they don’t have anything “better” lined up for an evening. If you always get a “maybe” from the guy when you ask him out, it could mean that he doesn’t want to commit in case another, more preferable offer comes up. A man who frequently cancels last-minute might do so for similar reasons.
During “cold” periods, there’s a good chance that he’s spending his time with other women and is too busy with them to bother with you. During his “hot” periods, he’s either lost his other options or lost interest in them. As a result, he returns to you in an effort to fill the void.
If you can’t change the time of the date, try changing the nature of it. Instead of spending time alone or going out for drinks, go somewhere with plenty of people and very little alcohol. The guy’s odds of getting you into bed will decrease when you do this, so if he’s a player, he won’t be willing to make the change.
Note that the occasional wandering eye may not be a terrible sign, but if his eyes are constantly wandering toward other people, there’s a problem. Similarly, a wandering eye that remains stuck on another woman is also a bad sign.
The way he treats you in public will be one good indication. If he refuses to treat you with any special affection or treats you just as affectionately as other women, it might be his way of keeping your relationship a secret. To that end, he might also avoid spending time with you in certain places if he thinks there’s a better chance of being caught there. Check social media accounts, too. If he refuses to be “friends” or “followers” with you, or if he never responds to any public comments you make toward him, it could be a sign that he’s trying to hide your relationship. Refusing to update his “relationship status” might be another social media clue.
If he lets you meet his friends, he takes the risk that someone within the group will slip and reveal information about his true self. If you do meet his friends, watch his behavior around them. Some players will drop their guard and show their true colors when they’re hanging around their buddies.
Moreover, friends and relatives with a keen eye might be able to spot a player when they see one. A player who agrees to meet your loved ones would have to take the risk of being discovered by someone like that.
Ask your close friends to do their own investigating on your behalf, as well. They probably have a few connections you don’t have, and one of those connections might have helpful information. You could even consider talking with the guy’s ex-girlfriends, but do so with caution. Some exes will intentionally paint a bad picture as an act of revenge. Additionally, an ex-girlfriend who believes that you “stole” the guy away from her may take out her negative feelings on you.
Pay particular attention to the way he treats and talks about other women. Even disrespect he shows toward female relatives can indicate an overall sense of disrespect toward women in general. Watch how he treats workers at the places you visit, too. Players may relish in the authority they have over these staff members.
