Whenever everyone else is flustered and panicking, but the suspected sociopath doesn’t seem concerned, it indicates impaired empathy on their part. Some people are more even-keeled than others, but most eventually display some form of anxiety. Someone who never seems anxious under any circumstances might be a sociopath. The cold, blank stare is called the “sociopath stare,” characterized by a frighteningly emotionless look in the sociopath’s eyes. If they notice their stare makes people nervous, they might use it for intimidation too.
Because they don’t feel remorse, a sociopath also won’t accept any blame when someone confronts them about their behavior. Sociopaths tend to crave power and control over other people and pursue it ruthlessly. Their lack of empathy typically means they have no shame in manipulating people to get their way. It’s not impossible for sociopaths to feel a little regret after doing something they know is wrong, like lying or cheating. The difference is that a true sociopath won’t let that feeling stop them from doing it again.
For example, a sociopath might go out of their way to help strangers or be incredibly generous with people they hardly know—while being the total opposite with family and close friends. Sociopaths want to be in control and get their way all the time, but to do that, they need to blend in and charm people into feeling comfortable around them first. That’s why they have so much superficial charm. A sociopath’s charm is just an act; their behavior is highly polarized, ranging from fake charm to completely antisocial, which means they isolate themselves from others and often experience anger or anxiety.
For example, a sociopath might tell someone they’re being irrational until they believe it’s true and start relying on the sociopath to tell them what’s real and what’s not. If a sociopath is lying to someone, they might try to confuse and manipulate the other person by accusing them of being a liar, deflecting the blame from themselves. Lack of empathy means that sociopaths rarely have any reservations or regrets about manipulating people for their own gain.
For example, a sociopath might promise to get help and never follow through or start making changes for a little while before returning to their old ways. Some sociopaths will go to great lengths to make their lies believable. For example, a sociopath might pretend to go to work every day, even when unemployed. Sociopaths often lie about their pasts, but there are usually inconsistencies in the story. Note anything that doesn’t make sense, or if someone who knows the sociopath disagrees with their version of events.
Look for lack of connection with the past. If the person has virtually no friends from high school, college, or any part of their past life, it could be a red flag. Consider family members, too. If the person isn’t in touch with any family members and never talks about them, there may be a problem. Sociopaths have trouble forming healthy relationships because they lack empathy. Building a close bond with them is tough without the ability to understand another person’s feelings.
The sociopath might think they’re better than everyone else without evidence of their superiority. A sociopath may also have an unrealistic view of their own abilities, such as believing they are excellent singers or dancers when, in reality, they have almost no skills in those areas.
Sociopaths often feel entitled and believe they should have everything they want. When it comes to sharing, they’re usually reluctant. Sociopaths can be needy, expecting you to be available whenever they need you. They’ll demand your time and energy without thanking you or returning the favor. Sociopaths often struggle to take on any meaningful responsibility. They’ll skip work, let someone else do their job, ignore deadlines, and ignore bills due. Impulsive and erratic behavior is one of the main differences between sociopaths and psychopaths. Psychopaths are more controlled and able to plan ahead.
If they’re challenged or confronted about their aggression and anger, a sociopath will attempt to point the finger away from themselves, hoping that the other person will let it go or even apologize for confronting them. The person may have sociopathic tendencies if, despite their outward calm, they can snap and become violent at any moment, then calm down again soon afterward. This is another big difference between sociopaths and psychopaths; anger is much easier for psychopaths to control, and their behavior is more detached overall.
For example, a sociopath might turn to drugs or alcohol simply because they’re chasing a high. They might also overindulge in things like food, shopping, and gambling. Sexual promiscuity can also occur when a sociopath doesn’t care about social norms. A sociopath in a relationship might have multiple affairs, while an unattached sociopath might overindulge in sex.
Children aren’t usually diagnosed with APD since their personalities are still developing. Teenagers can be diagnosable if they show uncontrolled symptoms of APD, like stealing, lying, and hurting animals. Some people are born with sociopathic tendencies, but others develop them due to a traumatic childhood. People with APD can also have mental health disorders like depression and anxiety.
Getting a sociopath to seek therapy isn’t always easy since they may not even acknowledge the problem. Keep in mind that long-term therapy is needed to treat a sociopath. It might help the sociopath if their family is also involved; outside perspectives might help them see the need for therapy more clearly.
Trusting your gut and thinking for yourself also makes it harder for a sociopath to take advantage of you.
The sociopath might figure out that you want to distance yourself and try to reel you in even more. Stay strong and remember what they’re really like so you don’t fall for their false charm. If possible, don’t tell them that you know they’re a sociopath, as that can set off a sociopath’s quick temper. Just remove yourself from the situation as quickly as you can.
Practice your exit plan before going through with it. Leave while the abuser is away from home if possible, and be ready to go at a moment’s notice if you spot an opportunity. File a restraining order if the sociopath won’t take no for an answer. Document every instance of violent behavior that you can through photos and videos so you’ll have proof of their abuse. Call the emergency services hotline if you’re ever in physical danger (911 in the United States).
You can’t change a sociopath, but you can choose to gain confidence, love yourself, and educate yourself so that a sociopath can’t manipulate you. Keep in mind that most sociopaths aren’t killers or sadists; they’re human beings who need to be handled with care. They don’t choose to be sociopaths, but their behavior can be hurtful if they won’t control it.
