Watch out for using “subgroups” as well, such as describing someone as “high-functioning” or “low-functioning”. Since everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, using these terms doesn’t adequately describe an autistic person’s experiences or strengths.
Did they learn to speak later than most children (for example, not saying two or three word sentences before the age of four[3] X Research source )? Regardless of when they began speaking, did they exhibit unusual speech patterns, such as echolalia? Did they learn certain skills before most children would (such as reading at age two)? Did they have trouble dealing with transitions from one event to another, even if the transition seemed simple? For example, a simple “Come on, let’s get in the car and go to Grandma’s” could have spurned what seemed like a temper tantrum. Did they stim? While stimming isn’t limited to autistic children, it’s much more prevalent than in non-autistic children. Keep in mind that some autistic children may have been forced to stop stimming by non-autistic individuals;[4] X Research source try to recall if they’ve ever started to stim, but then stopped. Did they play differently than other children would play? For example, an autistic teen may have not engaged in “playing pretend” as a child, or would have engaged in unusual play, such as feeling a doll’s hair or stacking Lego bricks rather than using these toys in the way that one would expect them to be used.
Do they have special interests that they research constantly?[7] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. Sometimes these special interests can be people, so they can become obsessed with a person to nearly stalker-like levels - whether the person is a celebrity or someone they know in person. [8] X Research source Do they experience meltdowns (when they lose control over their emotions, scream, and in some cases, exhibit destructive behavior) or shutdowns (when they become more passive, retreat “into” themselves, and sometimes lose certain abilities, such as speaking)? Meltdowns may look like tantrums, especially in children, but a meltdown or shutdown is often a response to sensory overload or a sudden change in routine. [9] X Research source life-with-aspergers. blogspot. com/2008/12/shutdown-specific-type-of-meltdown. html Do they stim in not-so-obvious manners? This can be easy to overlook, as some stims may look like typical fidgeting that you’d see in just about any teenager. However, try to watch more closely and see how often they perform these behaviors. Do they tap their pencil or play with their hair frequently, for example? Do they stick to strict routines and get upset when the routine is altered in some way?[10] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. For example, if an autistic teen is told, “You’re not going to school today”, they may become distressed and complain, even if they dislike school. Do they have sensory problems - for example, do they cover their ears and get visibly upset by loud noises, or have strange eating patterns, such as either eating bland food or overly spicy food? Some teens are hypersensitive to stimulation, while others are hyposensitive to it. Some teens may even have a mix of both.
Do they either make too much or too little eye contact?[12] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. Infrequent eye contact is most commonly associated with autism, but some autistic people are considered “starers”, and may rarely break eye contact. Do they have trouble understanding figurative language or sarcasm? For example, if an autistic teen is told, “Go jump in a lake!”, their response might be, “Why? I can’t swim” or “What lake? There’s no lake here”. Do they go on long-winded talks with barely a break to let the listener say something? These “rambles” or “infodumps” can be about anything, but you may hear about the autistic person’s interests. Do they have few or no real friends?[13] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. This may not apply in particularly accepting environments, but autistic teens may not realize that a fair-weather friend is not a real friend, even when the so-called friend tries to hint at this. Are they often a target for bullying or manipulation, and never seem to realize what’s going on until it’s too late? Some autistic people are extremely loyal, so you may also see them sticking with a “friend” who belittles them and treats them terribly. Are they most often alone? (This may be mistaken for being an introvert. Keep in mind that autistic people can be introverts, but they can also be extroverts or ambiverts. ) Do they communicate in seemingly odd ways, such as speaking in a monotone or using very few gestures?
Don’t ask for an assessment in front of your teen without your teen knowing that you’re going to ask. This may shock and upset your teen, especially since you didn’t keep them in the loop. Be aware that teenage girls may be at a higher risk of misdiagnosis. There are quite a few stories of autistic girls and women getting misdiagnosed for many reasons - whether it was because the doctor didn’t believe a woman could be autistic, or because they identified comorbid conditions instead of autism signs. [17] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source [18] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source Some doctors or psychologists may diagnose an autistic girl with depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, OCD, or any other psychological disorder that can account for some of their behaviors, but not the autism behaviors. Try to make sure that an autism assessment is in the picture, even if the doctor argues.
Depression ADHD[21] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. Anxiety or OCD Sensory Processing Disorder (also known as Sensory Integration Disorder) Developmental coordination disorder Bipolar disorder Some autistic teenagers may have seizures. They may have epilepsy as well as autism, but some autistic people who are going through puberty and adolescence can experience seizures without having epilepsy. [22] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
Autistic people are not “high-functioning” or “low-functioning”, and this label is hated by many autistic people. [23] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source [24] X Research source [25] X Research source jerobison. blogspot. com/2014/12/high-functioning-people-like-you-dont. html An autistic teen considered “low-functioning” because of his severe sensory problems and nonverbal communication may have incredible reading comprehension skills and be writing long novels. Another autistic teen considered “high-functioning” might have great social and communication skills, but have severe executive dysfunction, pull out her hair, and can’t drive because she’s hyposensitive and may miss important road signs or stoplights. Autistic people all have their own personal strengths and weaknesses, and it’s impossible to define these by a functioning label.
Keep in mind that sometimes, this is a matter of personal preference. Some autistic people prefer to be referred to as a “person with autism”, but if they haven’t specified if they like this or not, stay on the safe side and refer to them as an autistic person.
Having an IEP in place can help your teen’s teachers better understand how to support them in the classroom. [30] X Expert Source George Sachs, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 October 2020. Let your teen participate in the IEP meetings and communicate their needs. At high school age, autistic teens are not children and their parents should not be making the decisions for them. Make sure your teen gets some input on the services they’re getting, even if it’s just continuously asking, “Does that sound to you like it would help you?” Teachers can suggest to the parents of a teen that they request an IEP, but they do not have the power to call in an IEP request for the student without permission from the parents. You may want to discuss setting up a quiet spot for your teen at the school. If your teen is prone to meltdowns or shutdowns, especially at school, a prime point of the first IEP meeting should be finding a quiet place for them to calm down.
Be wary of ABA therapies. ABA therapy, also known as Applied Behavior Analysis, can work for some autistic teens who have trouble with motor skills, if the therapist is a good fit. However, there are also many, many stories of autistic people being abused in ABA therapy,[31] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source [32] X Research source [33] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source and leaving the therapy with PTSD. [34] X Research source Be extremely careful if you start looking into ABA therapies, and if your autistic teen starts becoming distressed with the therapy, don’t force them to go.
If the teen communicates primarily verbally, and only has infrequent cases of communicating nonverbally (for example, during shutdowns), it may be possible to figure out what stims show the teen’s needs. For example, wringing their hands could mean, “It’s too overstimulating and I need to leave”. Consider sign language if the teen is primarily nonverbal, but doesn’t have significant trouble with coordination and eye contact. How to Choose AAC for an Autistic Person may be a good article to look at if your teen has severe trouble with verbal communication or communicates (or prefers to communicate) nonverbally.
Suggest to the teen that they read How to Stim, How to Stim Discreetly, and How to Replace Harmful Stims to help themselves with stimming. Do not try to stop the teen from stimming entirely. Stimming helps autistic people to focus and decrease sensory overload,[35] X Research source and preventing them from stimming can cause them difficulty in focus and well-being - and forcing them to stop stimming by restraining them can lead to lifelong problems. [36] X Research source [37] X Research source It’s okay to help them change harmful stims to non-harmful ones or suggest quieter stims to avoid disrupting people in public, but never try to stop them from stimming at all. Similarly, don’t force a teen to engage in a quieter stim just because you don’t want to be embarrassed. If your teen flaps their arms when they’re happy or anxious, unless there’s a legitimate reason to ask them to use a quieter stim (e. g. you’re at airport security and currently have to undergo additional screening), don’t ask them to use a quieter stim. This stifles them and teaches them that other people’s feelings are more important than their own.
Experience autistic culture with them. Autistic people have accomplished many things, with one example being writing books or blogs. Look at groups that don’t demonize autism, such as the Autism Self-Advocacy Network (ASAN). These groups are run by autistic people. Support them during Autism Awareness Month. Autism Awareness Month, which takes place every April, can be very difficult for autistic people. Support Autism Acceptance Month instead. As a general rule, try to avoid organizations that use a puzzle piece for their logo. Autistic people are already complete; there is no missing piece from them. The puzzle piece is also often associated with Autism Speaks, which is often considered by autistic people to be a hate group disguised as an organization. [39] X Research source [40] X Trustworthy Source Autistic Women & Nonbinary Network Nonprofit organization providing community, support, and resources for Autistic women, girls, nonbinary people, and those identifying as other marginalized genders. Go to source Regardless of whether you and your teen actively support autism organizations, make sure they understand that you love them unconditionally - autism and all.
