The most common warning is simply when your partner tells you that something is wrong, but you dismiss their complaint. Some common phrases are, “This marriage isn’t working,” “I’m not happy,” “I need more than this. “[1] X Research source More frequent arguments in a relationship can signal that a partnership is in trouble. Whether those conflicts are the result of an infidelity or the infidelity is a response to being in an unhappy relationship, fighting with your partner more often can be a sign that your relationship needs work. Unconstructive criticism by your partner could be a sign that something is wrong. If your partner becomes overtly critical, telling you to “Go to the gym,” “lose weight,” “talk to a therapist,” they could be dragging you down to subconsciously justify their infidelity. [2] X Research source
Pay attention to whether your partner seems less interested in being intimate with you. If they are receiving affection from another person, they may be less likely to need it from you. Take note of the way your partner touches you throughout the day. Has he or she stopped holding your hand or showing casual signs of affection? Greater physical distance between yourself and your partner could signal emotional distance as well. Notice during your intimate moments together if it feels different from usual. Your partner may demonstrate new sexual techniques that they have recently learned or practiced with someone else. [4] X Research source
If you have been neglecting your partner, they may be more likely to seek emotional and sexual fulfillment with someone else. A partner may embark on an affair simply to try and get their partner’s attention and prove to themselves they are still desirable. If you have been spending a lot of time away from your partner, or focusing too much on work or children, your partner may be lonely and looking for companionship with someone more available. If you have mistreated your partner, an affair could be one way in which they seek to get back at you while boosting their own confidence, or a means of exiting the relationship altogether. [5] X Research source
Pick a time when you are both relaxed and calm, not angry. If you begin the discussion on a negative note, it will be more difficult to have a productive conversation. Think “conversation” not “confrontation. “[7] X Research source Chose the right place for your conversation. If privacy is paramount, chose an area where you two can be alone. If a public place puts you more at ease, offer to take a walk with your partner or visit a nearby park. A place that is around people, but easy to leave if your discussion becomes too heated, is ideal. Try to start the conversation by talking about yourself. Use nonjudgmental phrases, such as, “There is something weighing on my mind. " or “I’m concerned about our relationship. " Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you. " This will help your partner be less reactive. [8] X Research source See if your partner is willing to discuss your concerns. It is a good sign if your partner is willing to work on improving your relationship through dialogue or couples counseling.
Look to see if your partner changes or replaces their wardrobe. For example, if your partner normally dresses in athletic clothing, but suddenly begins to wear suits or tailored clothing, this may be a sign of infidelity, especially if there haven’t been any major lifestyle changes, such as a promotion at work. Your partner may join a gym or begin working out more often to tone their body or lose weight for their new interest. Your partner’s new object of interest could perhaps work or work out at the gym that he or she has been frequenting. A sudden focus on their physical appearance and concern with looking good are potential signs that there is someone else for your partner to impress.
Watch to see if your partner bathes more often, flosses their teeth more regularly, shaves more often, and other types of grooming activities. Be aware of new makeup, perfumes or colognes, either applied by your partner or as residue from another person. The old cliché about finding lipstick on a cheating man’s collar has endured for a reason. Observe whether your partner has changed their hair. Do they suddenly have a new look or start dying their hair a different color?
Listen for more frequent excuses your partner may make about their schedule, such as staying late at work, traffic jams, or other mishaps that can explain why they are away from home more often. If your partner seems to all of sudden want to go out with their friends without you, this could offer a convenient alibi for their time away. Notice if your partner stops inviting you to work events and trips. Be on the lookout for unplanned business trips or other excuses they could make for being absent for lengthy periods of time. Alternatively, if your absence from your partner is suddenly not a problem, and your partner doesn’t seem to mind you working late or going away, they could be spending that time with someone else.
Your partner may make excuses about the phone’s behavior. He or she could argue that a new phone has a dead battery, or is having technical problems, or that they were in an area with no signal. Be alert if your partner advises you that he or she is too busy to answer phone calls, or if they suggest that they should be the one to initiate contact. Is his or her phone turned off during times you can normally get through? Your partner could have silenced their phone to give them a chance to be with another person undisturbed.
Review the details of shopping or restaurant receipts. Look through paperwork for contact phone numbers. Look for hotel room keys, movie ticket stubs, and similar types of items. [13] X Research source You may want to look around in your partner’s car. Some unfaithful partners will hide or leave revealing items in glove compartments, ashtrays, or under car seats.
Peruse your partner’s social media accounts. See if they have been chatting more often with one person in particular. Frequent exchanges with ex-partners can be a red flag. Check to see if your partner closes open windows or Internet sessions on the computer when you enter the room or if they regularly delete their browser history.
Look for large cash withdrawals or purchases made from stores and other places you rarely or never frequent. Watch out for credit or debit card transactions from restaurants or bars you have not visited.
Watch your partner to see if they keep the phone constantly by their side, such as during bathroom breaks, when taking a shower, or when stepping outside to take out the trash. This may be a sign that your partner doesn’t want you to access their phone. [15] X Research source Some partners may also alter the settings on their cell phones to enable security codes or phone locks. This may be done to prevent you from accessing their personal data such as contact phone numbers or messages.
See if your partner acts suspiciously when on the phone or texting, like abruptly hanging up when you enter the room. Does he or she attempt to hide the texts that they are typing, or delete text messages quickly after sending or receiving them? If your partner is frequently speaking in hushed tones while on a phone call, they may be attempting to prevent you from hearing their conversation with someone new.
Prepaid cell phones are cheap and easy to purchase. If you see your partner with a prepaid cell phone, that was not acquired for work or another legitimate purpose, be concerned that he or she is doing something they wish to hide. Look in bags or purses for a hidden phone. It is unlikely that your partner would keep a secret second phone in a visible place. A likely spot for hiding a secret second phone is in the car. Look in the glove box or under the seats. Watch for strange or new bills arriving to your house. If your spouse contracted with a carrier for a second phone, there may be a paper record of the agreement. However, if he or she being very careful, he or she may have the bill delivered electronically.
