Assertive communication would be: “Gretchen, I would like you to be more open to my personal situation at present. My brother is sick so I cannot come to practice as often. ” See be assertive for more tips. Aggressive communication would be: “Gretchen, you’re such a mean girl. I don’t know how anyone could be so insensitive when another person has a very sick brother. Don’t you have a heart?” Being assertive is all about expressing your boundaries and limits. [1] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.
Frame the conversation around your feelings instead of treating your opinions like absolute fact. [3] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021. Try to be as specific as possible instead of making generalized statements. [4] X Expert Source Christy Irvine, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 April 2021.
You might say, “Gretchen, I feel like you do not understand why I miss practice so often. My brother is very sick and my family travels twice a week one hour to visit him in the hospital. I want to be committed to the team but right now, my brother is more important. I hope you can understand. ”
For example, perhaps your religion forbids alcohol and for this reason, you don’t want alcohol served at a joint birthday party. Although your friend might disagree, if she realizes the theme is important for religious reasons, she might be more inclined to agree.
If you are not calm and ready to discuss a situation, say so. For example, “Please give me a five minute break. Then I can return to this situation. " Try counting to ten while breathing low from your diaphragm. Let your breath out slowly.
Do not dismiss others’ thoughts as nonsense. [8] X Research source That is aggressive and unproductive behavior. Show that you are listening through verbal and visual cues. Nod your head and look the person in her eyes. Offer verbal responses like “right,” “yes,” “mhmm. ”
For example, you might say: “Gretchen, what I hear you saying is that you think I am the weak link on our soccer team. I do not come to practice as much as you like. Is that right?”
You might say: “Gretchen, I’ve noticed that you seem frustrated with me. Have I done something to offend you?” Gretchen might not be mad that you’re the weakest player on the team. She could be annoyed by your lack of attendance. She might see real potential in you and be frustrated that you are not committing as much as you could.
