Sending a private message will make it easier for an actual conversation to develop since both of you will likely feel more comfortable being yourselves when no one else can enter the discussion.
Make sure that you’re actually adding to the conversation in a meaningful, non-controversial manner. Avoid disagreeing with her in a way that could cause an argument and create a negative impression, and wait for a relatively lighthearted topic. For instance, if she makes an open request for opinions on which phone she should upgrade to, you could give her your opinion and provide reasoning to back your answer.
You may need to adjust this time frame based on how often the girl updates her Facebook page. If she updates a dozen times each day, you should probably stick with content she’s posted within the last week. On the other hand, if she only updates once a month, it might be appropriate to remark on content she’s posted within the last several months.
By making an effort more than once, you’re demonstrating a continued, more genuine interest in her. Persistence is good, but you should avoid obsession. Starting a new conversation every few hours or every day can be overwhelming, so give her some time to breathe in between your messages. Don’t continually bug her for a response, either. If she doesn’t want to reply to your message, complaining about it won’t make her change her mind.
After you’ve had a few conversations, ask her if she’s okay with you sending a friend request. Getting her approval can demonstrate a high degree of respect, and she’ll likely appreciate the gesture.
For example, you might try asking about her name. [3] X Research source If it’s an uncommon name, you could ask about the name itself: “Isla is a lovely name. Do you know what its origins are or what it means?” If it’s a common name, you’ll have to make the question more personal: “I’ve always liked the name Rachel. Were you named after anyone, or do your parents just have really great taste in names?” Note that in both examples, the remark opens with a compliment before leading into the question. This isn’t strictly necessary, but using both a compliment and a question often creates a more powerful opening line.
If you have any shared friends on Facebook, you could use that shared connection to start the conversation. For example: “I noticed you’re friends with Alex. How did the two of you meet? I’ve known him since I was kid, and we even grew up in the same neighborhood. ” Similarly, if you know the girl in real life, you could use your shared experiences in reality. For instance: “You’re in Mrs. Smith’s fifth period algebra class, right? I’m in her eighth period class. What do you think of her class?”
If possible, narrow it down to something happening in your most intimately shared community. If she lives on the other side of the state, talk to her about something happening in the state. If she lives in your city or neighborhood, skip the statewide news and mention something happening in your specific community. Keep in mind that not every girl will be interested in every local topic. For instance, she may not care about the sort of season your city’s team is having if she has no interest in the sport they play. If her public profile indicates that she’s a fan, though, talking about the season could be a great way to open the conversation.
Get creative. If she’s sitting in a coffee shop and holding a coffee cup, you might ask her what she’s drinking. If she’s wearing a peculiar necklace, you might compliment the piece and ask her where she got them, under the pretense that you’re looking for a gift for your sister (assuming you actually have a sister, of course).
Compliments on obvious features, like tattoos or hairstyles, can seem insincere even when you really mean what you’re saying. Highly noticeable features are complimented more often, so the person complimenting those features will stand out less. Avoid overly sexual compliments, too. In other words, don’t open the conversation with a compliment about her chest, hips, or backside. Try complimenting her about the finer details: her outfit, her name, her interests, and so on. Personalized compliments almost always work better than general ones. Instead of just complimenting her just on her looks, compliment her on how smart or intelligent she is.
Keep this tip in mind when utilizing the other “opening line” suggestions. For instance, the girl in question might have a stunning smile, beautiful eyes, and gorgeous hair. If she’s holding a copy of Pride and Prejudice in her profile picture, though, that book is the detail you’ll want to address. By remarking on the book she’s holding, you’re demonstrating interest in her likes and personality, which will give her a much more positive and lasting impression of you.
Starting the conversation as your real self will make the conversation easier to maintain. Returning to an earlier example, you may not want to comment on the coffee cup she’s holding if you hate coffee, or the book she’s holding if you don’t enjoy reading. If you start a conversation on something that doesn’t genuinely interest you, you won’t have much to say, and the conversation will end quickly.
Don’t treat the girl like an object, curse at her when she doesn’t respond the way you’d like her to respond, or turn the conversation to sex before any mutual attraction and romantic interest has been established. Being respectful encompasses more than just these three points, but minding these basic manners will at least be a good start.
If you do decide to open with a joke, stick with something safe. An obviously cheesy joke can work out well, and mildly self-deprecating humor might make her chuckle, too. Avoid off-color humor or jokes that can be easily misinterpreted, though.
On a similar note, don’t talk and behave as though you’re “God’s gift to women. ” Even if you’re the most charming guy alive, no woman is obligated to develop an interest in you. Try your best, but don’t blame or insult the girl if it doesn’t work out.
As a general rule, you should wait until some mutual level of chemistry has been established. If and when you ask her out, do so as casually as possible. You don’t even have to call it a “date”—saying that you’d like to meet up and hang out in person is usually the best way to go.
Only ask her about the other guys in her life if you can do so naturally and as part of another topic. For instance, you could ask her about how she knows a mutual friend who happens to be male or ask her about the mixed group of friends she went to a concert with. The key here is to keep the conversation about her and her experiences while making the identity of the guy a secondary concern.
