For example, if you’re a new empty-nester facing life without kids in your house for the first time in decades, you might appropriately think it’s time to start a new stage of your life: You aren’t a primary caretaker for your children anymore and can reframe your life to focus more on you. On the other hand, using a life change to escape unpleasant feelings isn’t a good idea, since this avoidance doesn’t address the real issues you may be having. Emotions tend to follow you wherever you go. You have to deal with them before you can start a truly fresh life.
If you have just experienced a major loss, allow yourself time to grieve it. Mourning is a necessary process of examining and processing your feelings of grief and adjusting to life after your loss. You don’t have to feel rushed into changes or pressured to “get over it” right away. [3] X Research source
For example, do you have a habit of trying to “move past” or escape adversity as soon as it comes up? Research suggests that the necessary process of growth comes from working through both positive and negative emotions and situations. [4] X Research source How do you react when the going gets tough? Do you stick to your goals, or do you run away?
Ask yourself some questions. For example, consider two people whom you admire. What do you most respect about them? Why? How could this play into your own life? Another good question to ask is what issues make you feel most invested or inspired when you hear them talked about. For example, do you feel passionate about hearing about new inventions and wish you could be a part of that innovation process? Does it make you feel fired up hearing about community service projects? Examining this could help you figure out what you value most, such as innovation, ambition, social justice, or service. Remember that there are no “inferior” or “superior” personal values. One person might value adaptability, while someone else might value stability more highly. Neither is “wrong. ” It’s all about embracing who you are and living a life that is in line with that. You can find lists of core values online, if you need some help coming up with words to define them. [6] X Research source Studies suggest that in general, people tend to place a very high value on their social relationships[7] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source and their feeling of value and respect at their work. [8] X Research source If one of these areas is lacking, you might consider focusing your “new life” efforts on that area.
Figuring out what about your life needs to change can be very helpful here. For example, what is making you unhappy or dissatisfied? Do you need to change every single thing about your life, or would it be more effective to focus in on one or two areas? Making change is hard, so you might find better success if you start small and work your way up.
Imagine this in as much detail as possible. Who do you surround yourself with? Where do you live? What do you do? What does it feel like? Incorporate as much detail as you can to create a clear image. For example, you could imagine that you are a successful independent musician with your own band who travels around the country giving shows at small venues. Now, think about the strengths and skills you need to get you there. What do you already have? What areas need further development? Be honest with yourself here. For example, if you want to be a musician, you might already have musical skills, or at least a love of music. You would also need some business savvy, which you might need to work on improving. Keep your imagining attainable and positive. [11] X Research source Obviously, you can’t become a superhero like Superman – that isn’t possible or realistic. However, you could imagine what you could do that would be like that. For example, is it Superman’s commitment to justice that you admire? You could imagine yourself fulfilling that mission in some way, such as becoming a police officer or attorney. Is it his kickass physique? You could imagine yourself becoming fit, or even becoming a personal trainer to help others with fitness goals.
Consider where you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, and 20+ years. Set your goals. Make sure they’re SMART goals, that is, they’re specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Start by defining your big goal, and then break it up into smaller objectives. Break those down even further into tasks. For example, if you’ve decided you want to start a new career as a police officer to honor your values of service and justice, that’s your overall goal. To accomplish it, you will need to achieve several objectives, or actions you take. [12] X Research source Examples of objectives could be working on your physical fitness so you can pass the physical test, talking with a police recruiter, and applying to a police academy. Break those down even further in specific tasks, such as exercising 3x a week, looking online for your recruiter’s information, and finding out the steps to apply to academies. Make sure that you are as concrete and specific as possible when setting your goals. This article can help you.
Weight loss is the number one New Year’s Resolution, and also one of those that tends to be broken almost immediately. [13] X Trustworthy Source PLOS ONE Online peer-reviewed, open access scientific research journal Go to source If your weight is something you’d like to change about yourself, or if it is causing you significant health issues, talk with a doctor about how to lose weight effectively and safely. Your doctor will probably recommend a combination of exercise and healthy eating habits. If your weight problems are very serious, your doctor may recommend a weight-loss surgery or medication. You should always consult with your doctor before starting a weight-loss plan. Eating better is pretty easy once you know where to start. Rather than thinking of modifying your eating habits as “going on a diet,” think of them as starting a new life-long commitment to healthy eating. Incorporate plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, and skip processed and junk foods. Staying fit is a popular New Year’s Resolution. [14] X Research source Unfortunately, about 80% of American adults don’t get enough aerobic and muscle-building exercise. [15] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source Aim for at least 150 minutes per week of moderate aerobic exercise, and do muscle-strengthening exercises at least 2 times per week. [16] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source Dress to express yourself. How you dress affects how you feel about yourself and how others view you. Studies have shown that when you dress in a way that aligns with your goals, you’re more likely to achieve them. [17] X Research source So go ahead, wear that little black dress you’ve always wanted, or express your favorite fandom with some rad t-shirts.
Keep a gratitude journal. Gratitude is more than an attitude: It’s a way of approaching life, determined to acknowledge even the smallest moments of goodness and beauty. Research has shown that practicing gratitude makes you feel happier and more satisfied with life, it helps you learn flexibility and adaptability to change, increases your physical health and sleep quality, and can help you overcome trauma. Take 5 minutes every day to record something you’re grateful for that day. Explore why you’re grateful for it and what it brings to your life. [19] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Forgive. Forgiveness releases you from the burden of past injury and pain. You forgive others not for them, but for yourself. Studies show that forgiveness makes you feel less angry and anxious. [20] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Grieve losses. Allow yourself to feel grief and loss rather than trying to hurry yourself to “get past it. ” Properly mourning takes time and patience with yourself. Acknowledging your sorrow is key to working through it and eventually incorporating it into the new life you build after the loss. [21] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Acknowledge your own needs. People are all too often taught to deny themselves proper self-care. Acknowledge that you have needs and that it is not selfish to meet them. You don’t have to say “yes” to every invitation or request. Taking some time out for yourself is not wrong. Caring for yourself will not only help you feel better, it will help you interact more positively with others. [22] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source
Pushing past your comfort zone has been proven to improve your performance and increase your likelihood of finding success. This is because you are more likely to work harder and pay more attention when you are in a new, slightly uncomfortable situation. [24] X Research source Do some research to determine where you will feel happiest in your new life. Things to consider include the crime rate, the unemployment rate, the average cost of living and property cost, and whether there are experiences available that match your culture and interests. Bloomberg and Livability both offer annual rankings of “best places to live. ” These can be a good place to start. [25] X Research source [26] X Research source You can also consider quality of living rankings. If you can, talk to people who live in places you’re considering. Plan a visit to see whether you would enjoy living there. The more information you can gather, the better prepared you will be to embark on your new life.
You feel exhausted by spending time with them, or you dread interacting with them. They are hyper-critical or judgmental of you. You feel like you can’t do anything right when you’re around them. They say mean or vicious things about you, to your face or behind your back. You feel obsessive about this person, as though you can’t live without them, even if they don’t pay attention to you. You constantly feel stressed out when you’re around them. You don’t feel safe sharing your hopes, thoughts, needs, or feelings with them. Recovering addicts often must learn to avoid the places where they used to spend time, as well as many of their old friends, in order to avoid addiction triggers that could cause a relapse. If you are a recovering alcoholic, spending time with your old drinking buddies in your favorite bar would probably put far too much pressure on you and could cause you to take up drinking again. Forming a supportive social network that doesn’t involve your past habits is critical to maintaining your successful recovery. [30] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source It may also be helpful for you to make social changes if you are recovering from domestic or relationship abuse. Many victims of domestic abuse have been isolated by their abusive partners until they have very few connections that are not carefully monitored or controlled by the abuser. Learning to find sources of social support and caring is very helpful in starting a new life after surviving abuse. You could consider finding support at support groups for domestic abuse survivors, in your faith community, or through mental health provider referrals. [31] X Research source
Speak with the person first. In some cases, the person may not realize that his/her behavior is causing you pain or stress. Share your feelings openly and honestly, and see if the person is willing to work with you to meet your needs. If not, you don’t need that person in your life. Evaluate whether you need to cut a person off. Sometimes, people we love and who love us say things we don’t want to hear. This doesn’t mean that they’re “negative people” whom we should cut off. Before cutting a relationship out of your life, decide whether they bring things to your life that you want and need, even if sometimes the relationship is hard. Conversely, just because a person always makes you feel good doesn’t mean she/he’s the best relationship for you; for example, enablers may make it easier for you to stay addicted to substances, but that isn’t actually what’s best for you. Foster your relationships with people who bring you joy. Make a list of the people who make you feel like you can be a better you, who bring you happiness and positivity. Make sure to foster your relationships with these people so that you don’t feel like you have to keep negative relationships around just so you won’t be alone. [33] X Research source Stop talking to the person. If you have decided that a relationship with a person is just unhealthy for you, tell that person that you have to end the relationship for your own well-being. You need to not talk with him/her, stalk social media, or present yourself with constant reminders of the relationship.
You may find consulting with a financial planner helpful, especially if your goals are significant or complex, like starting a small business. Examine your finances. Determine your net worth to give you a snapshot of what you owe and what your assets are. This will help you make good money decisions. People who have just gotten married will also benefit from taking a good look at their finances. You will likely want to form a budget, add each other as beneficiaries on any retirement and insurance plans, and consider a new insurance policy. If you have more debts than you can possibly manage to pay, you may consider filing for bankruptcy. Depending on the amount of debt and your income, most of your debts will be wiped out and you can start a new financial life. However, this is a very serious decision that has long-lasting effects on your credit and overall well-being, so you should not make this decision lightly. Speak with a bankruptcy attorney to determine whether this is a suitable option for you. [35] X Trustworthy Source United States Courts Official website for the U. S. court system Go to source
Take your current skills and aptitudes into account. What do you know? What are you good at? What unconventional skills do you have? For example, perhaps you’re a real “people person” who feels inspired by interacting with others, and you don’t get to do that in your current job. This could be something that you’re good at and also something that’s a core personal value for you. Don’t feel limited by what you currently know or what your current life situation is. No matter where you start, you can become what you want to be. For example, if you decide that because you’re a people person you want to become a therapist or teacher, you will likely need further education, but you can accomplish that. You’re never stuck where you are. Reframe failure. When you think about failures as learning experiences, they stop being able to hold you back from accomplishing what you want for your new life. Instead of focusing on the mistakes you made and allowing them to drag you into the past, think about what you can take from them for success in the future. [37] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Give yourself SMART career goals. This means they are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and timely. Decide where you want to be 6 months from now, a year from now, and 5 years from now. Determine how you will know when you have found success. [38] X Research source
It’s also a very good idea to ask people hard questions about your new life. It can be easy to idealize a new career or new community. Understanding the nitty-gritty details of what you’re about to embark on will help you stay on the course even when you encounter roadblocks. For example, you might daydream about ditching your boring job in Kansas and moving to Hawaii, where life is paradise. Unless you talked to people who live there, you might discover things you didn’t know, such as the fact that it’s incredibly expensive,[39] X Research source healthcare is often hard to find, and if you aren’t island-born with Native Hawaiian or Asian ancestry, you’ll always be haole, or a “foreigner. ” [40] X Research source That wouldn’t mean you wouldn’t love your decision to move, but this knowledge would help you adjust to the realities of your new life better.
If you don’t have family or friends who can support you, consider looking in other places. Support groups and faith communities are common places where people find others to support them.
It’s not uncommon for huge changes to trigger feelings of depression. If you frequently feel sad, empty, worthless, or hopeless, have experienced a loss of pleasure in things you used to enjoy, have seen changes in your weight or sleep habits, frequently feel anxious or guilty, or are considering harming yourself, seek help. [41] X Research source Call your doctor or a mental health professional. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or plans, call emergency services or a suicide prevention hotline, such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you’re in the United States (which can be reached by calling or texting 988).
You may encounter roadblocks on your journey to your new life. For example, perhaps you wanted to join the Green Berets to fulfill your core values of service and honor, but found out you’re too old to enlist. You could view this as a failure and the destruction of your dreams, or you could go back to the drawing board and determine whether there are other things you can do that will also allow you to express those core values.
Many people believe that people with only “everyday” issues wouldn’t benefit from therapy, or that it’s only for people with “serious” problems. The truth is, going to a therapist can be a lot like seeing your dentist for a cleaning: You’re dealing with little build-ups of minor problems before they become disastrous. [44] X Research source Some people believe that seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness or that you’re “broken,” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Seeing a therapist is a sign that you care about yourself enough to get help when it’s useful, and that’s a good thing. [45] X Research source
