Resist the urge to judge yourself harshly for being celibate. Ignore what you think society says about where you should be in your lifespan and whether you should be having sex, dating, married or with children. Your opinion of yourself is the most important one. The depression that can occur from celibacy can unfortunately prevent you from moving forward. [2] X Research source Donnelly, D. , Burgess, E. , Anderson, S. , Davis, R. , & Dillard, J. (2001). Involuntary celibacy: A life course analysis. Journal of Sex Research, 38(2), 159-169.
Work on your nonverbal communication. Your body language communicates certain messages to other people. If you stand away from a crowd, or you hunch your shoulders a lot, you may be nonverbally telling others to stay away from you. Try standing up straight with your shoulders back and your head held high. Stand closer to a group of people and listen with interest to their conversation. [5] X Research source Have a mental list of general conversation topics. If you find that you run out of things to say, you can prepare ahead of time with some general ideas about things to talk about. This can include the weather, your work or school, a recent movie, a hike you went on, and so on. [6] X Research source Practice your social skills with all kinds of people. You don’t need to save your social skills for potential partners. Try them out on the mail carrier or the grocery store clerk.
Join a gym to get some exercise. You don’t need to have a goal of losing 15 pounds, but the very action of getting some physical exercise can improve your confidence. [7] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source It can also improve your sex life by boosting your energy. Treat yourself to a new haircut or new underwear. Feeling sexy will help you remember what you like about sex and get you excited for the activity again.
You might consider getting your own place if your living situation isn’t allowing you enough privacy.
If you’ve had a baby recently, you will want to see your gynecologist to get a green light for sex. Many women who have given birth find sex to be uncomfortable or painful after childbirth. [10] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Your doctor can determine if there are any physical problems resulting from childbirth.
Be proactive about addressing dysfunction that you’re experiencing. Make an appointment with your doctor. He or she will be able to help you figure out the next step. You may feel shy or embarrassed when talking to your doctor about issues pertaining to sex. But your doctor is there to help you live your life to the fullest and genuinely wants to help you. It might help talking with a female doctor if you’re a woman, or a male doctor if you’re a man.
Significant loss of appetite or loss of weight. Disrupted sleep (either unable to sleep or sleeping too much). Fatigue or loss of energy. Increased agitation or decreased movement noticeable by others. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive. Having difficulty concentrating or feeling. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, attempting suicide or having a plan for suicide. Talk with your doctor about medication. Depression and anxiety can be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Medications help correct those imbalances. Be warned, however, that some medications may reduce sexual interest or pleasure. Talk with your doctor to find the best option for you.
Relive good memories. Revisit some of the places you went for dates when your relationship was new. Try some of the old restaurants or visit the beach where you used to have makeout sessions. Overcome anger in your relationship by talking with each other. The relationship might be suffering because one or both of you are angry or resentful. It might take a while to get back to the good relationship, but talking about your problems is a good first step. You might think about visiting a marriage counselor. Make sex a priority in your relationship. You might have to schedule time for it, especially if you have kids. Plan a date night, send the kids to the grandparents’ house, and have a fun time together.
Physical flirting is where individuals show interest through physical touch, like touching someone’s shoulder. Sincere flirting style is contingent on creating an emotional bond, and involves more self-disclosure than other styles, but also is non-sexual. [15] X Research source Hall, J. A. , Carter, S. , Cody, M. J. , & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. Polite flirters are not comfortable being overtly sexual, and rigidly follow traditional courtship rules. [16] X Research source Hall, J. A. , Carter, S. , Cody, M. J. , & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. Traditional flirting styles involve when men take the lead and are the aggressor. [17] X Research source Hall, J. A. , Carter, S. , Cody, M. J. , & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. Playful flirters treat flirtation like a game, indiscriminately and openly showing their affection and regard for others. [18] X Research source Hall, J. A. , Carter, S. , Cody, M. J. , & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. If you have a long-term partner with whom you want to re-initiate sex, try flirting with him or her. Ignite the passion in your relationship that you have had in the past.
Even when speaking directly, be sure that both people are taking turns in the conversations. [20] X Research source Greene, J. O. , & Burleson, B. R. (Eds. ). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychology Press. Give the person a chance to speak by allowing for brief silences (usually a few seconds). [21] X Research source Greene, J. O. , & Burleson, B. R. (Eds. ). (2003). Handbook of communication and social interaction skills. Psychology Press. If you are worried about your social skills, there are general expectations for how you should communicate. You should strive to be informative, relevant, truthful, polite, and modest. [22] X Research source Grice, Cole, & Morgan, 1975
Integrating sexual materials like vibrators and lube in your sex life can improve your satisfaction. [25] X Research source Haavio-Mannila, E. , & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419. These are tools that you can use alone or with a partner. If you’re shy about starting to use a vibrator or other sex toy with a partner, try it out by yourself first.
Remember that just because someone doesn’t say “no” doesn’t mean that they are comfortable with the situation. Consent is an ongoing process.
Pregnancy: Be aware that hormone birth control will only protect against pregnancy, not sexually transmitted infections. It’s best to have two ways to protect yourself, such as using both hormonal birth control and condoms. Use condoms according to their directions; condoms are only 82% effective against pregnancy with typical use (this equals 18 pregnancies out of 100 per year). The birth control pill is only 91% effective, with 9 pregnancies occurring out of 100 women per year. The most effective method to prevent pregnancy is the birth control implant, with fewer than one pregnancy per 100 women. Sexually transmitted infections: Always use a condom correctly during sex. [27] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source . Also, an HPV vaccine like Gardasil and Cervarix can prevent HPV, the virus that causes genital warts and cervical, anal, penile, vaginal, and oral cancers. . Talk to your doctor and support system about vaccination options.
Dental dams: A dental dam is a thin latex sheet that is placed in the mouth to provide protection during oral sex. Try finding them online or at a sexual health store. Some drug stores do carry them, but they are not as commonly found as other forms of sexual protection. [30] X Research source Personal lubricants: There are three kinds of lubricants, which include water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based, and all of these have different features. Water-based lubricants: These are convenient because they rinse off easily and are easy to purchase in most stores. [31] X Research source They can be used safely with condoms and can even prevent the condom from breaking. [32] X Research source This type of lubricant also is associated with fewer genital symptoms than silicone-based lubricants. [33] X Research source Herbenick. , Reece, Hensel, Sanders, Jozkowski. , & Fortenberry. (2011). Association of lubricant use with women’s sexual pleasure, sexual satisfaction, and genital symptoms: a prospective daily diary study. J Sex Med. 2011 Jan;8(1):202-12. [34] X Research source Haavio-Mannila, E. , & Kontula, O. (1997). Correlates of increased sexual satisfaction. Archives of sexual behavior, 26(4), 399-419. Silicone-based lubricants: These have the advantage of lasting longer than other lubricants. They are also the best choice for anal sex. [35] X Research source Oil-based lubricants: These should never be used with latex condoms. Oil-based lubricants, or using oil as a lubricant, can cause the condom to break. [36] X Research source
This communication is also important if you are talking to your friends. People who can talk about sex socially are more likely to be able to discuss safe sex with their partners. [41] X Research source Boyer, C. B. , Shafer, M. A. , Wibbelsman, C. J. , Seeberg, D. , Teitle, E. , & Loveil, N. (2000). Associations of sociodemographic, psychosocial, and behavioral factors with sexual risk and sexually transmitted diseases in teen clinic patients. Journal of Adolescent Health, 27, 102-111 Don’t be afraid to let your partner in on details about your attitudes and feelings toward sex. [42] X Research source Byers, E. S. , & Demmons, S. (1999). Sexual satisfaction and sexual self-disclosure within dating relationships. Journal of Sex Research, 36, 180-189. Tell your partner what feels good to you. [43] X Research source Frame requests in a positive way, such as, “I like when you touch me there. " And don’t be afraid to ask what your partner wants and what he or she likes, too.
Try giving each other massages, hugs and kisses even when you’re not having sex. Send a sexy text to your partner.
