Breathe in for at least four beats and out for as long as you can. Make sure that the air you take in travels all the way down to your belly and makes your abdomen expand. [1] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source
Tell yourself that you’re strong enough to endure the yelling. All kids have to deal with yelling parents at least sometimes.
The best way to disengage while listening is to focus on your parents’ faces. Notice the details of their features and the strain from yelling. Rather than trying to make sense of what your parent is saying, look at the desperation and frustration you see them experiencing. This way you will remember that even though you’re the one being yelled at, your parents are going through a rough moment, too. Again, this may even be due to stress that you did not directly cause.
Send signals to your parent that you are hearing them, like nodding your head, raising your eyebrows, saying “I see what you mean by that”. Try to pick up on key words that will clue you in to where your parents’ disappointment is coming from. If they’re yelling about a particular instance, try to pick up on details that they seem to dwell on. If it’s a long stream of moments, try to pick out the theme the runs through them.
Sometimes parents even take subtle signs of dissent as aggression (rolling your eyes, sarcasm, slightly mocking faces). [2] X Research source So, these should also be reconsidered. Think about the reactions that you know from past experience that your parents can’t stand. Even if you’re tempted to get back at them for making you feel uncomfortable and inferior, do not engage in behavior you know triggers more anger in them.
Instead, say something like “I want to clear up this problem, but I’m too flustered to be able to have a good discussion. I’d like to go to my room to think. " Leaving the room can be difficult, as some parents may interpret it as a sign of disrespect. Do your best to make it clear that you still want to discuss the matter. Avoid suggesting that your parents need to calm down as well. This can come off as rude.
It can help to make a plan to release any lingering aggression by doing something active once you are able. For example, you could clean your room or go for a jog in the neighborhood.
Instead, try using a simple affirmative statement, like “I understand” or “I see”. It’s okay if you don’t agree with or completely understand what your parents are saying. These are things to talk about once everyone is calm enough to be able to express themselves kindly.
Apologize if you were wrong. Be sincere. If you were wrong, expressing repentance for what you did is a good thing to do.
The more you can resolve about the incident, the better. If you still have thoughts to express beyond what you think your parent will understand, write it down! It is important to clear lingering anger so that you don’t snap unexpectedly at the parent later on.
Make sure that you are not trying to convince your parents that you are right–this will just add fuel to the fire. Especially if your actions were not justified, show the difference between your understanding of the issue then versus now. You also might take this opportunity to let your parents know that being yelled at is hard for you. Explain how being yelled at makes you feel and the fact that it cuts off other ways of communicating. Then, if you were severely hurt by the yelling, firmly yet politely request a sincere apology from your parents.
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is active 24/7 and staffs professional crisis counselors who have access to a database of support resources and emergency services. The telephone number is 1. 800. 4. A. CHILD (1. 800. 422. 4453). [5] X Trustworthy Source Child Welfare Information Gateway Online portal managed by the U. S. Children’s Bureau providing resources related to childcare and abuse prevention Go to source
