If you don’t know exactly why you are saying no, you won’t be able to tell him, and he might get his feelings hurt even more. Spend some time figuring out why if you don’t immediately know why, and then come back and tell him (if you needed some time after he asked you out). Honesty is an important trait for friends to have. [2] X Research source If you want to maintain your friendship with this guy, then being honest about how you really feel is important.
Don’t bring up that he asked you out in a group setting. This is not only embarrassing and awkward, but he might interpret this as making fun of him. Let him decide whether or not to talk about it in front of others. Try to have some empathy for what he must be feeling. This is an important quality for friends to have. [3] X Research source If you were in his position and liked someone who did not like you back, how might you feel? Keep in mind that it can be easy to accidentally lead him on again if you are too kind. Be kind but firm, maintaining your decision not to date him.
For example, if you used to study together on the weekend, then continue to do that. Or, if you and some friends used to go out for coffee together once a week, keep up that commitment. Try to treat him the same way you did before.
Try saying something like, “I don’t feel like talking about that. How was your weekend?” After a while, people will lose interest in the subject.
Don’t get upset if he decides not to talk to you for a while. Be aware that even though he doesn’t tell you that he needs time away from you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he is angry with you. He just needs time to figure things out. If he continues to ignore you after a long period of time, you may want to ask if he’ll sit down with you and talk about it. This will help both of you gain closure if he has decided not to be friends anymore, or may help you get your friendship back.
Be aware that this reason for not dating may not hold out for either party; if a guy senses that he has a chance, he will most likely keep trying. [5] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. If you are a little bit attracted to him, you may end up dating anyway. [6] X Research source
This is another scenario where if you do have feelings of attraction, the guy friend might sense it no matter how many times you say “no” just because he works with you every day. In these cases, it can be difficult to stay out of a romantic relationship, so you need to practice good boundaries.
Age for statutory rape varies by state in the US. Sex with someone who is considered underage (less than 12 if you are 16 or older, for example) can land you life in prison in the US. As people get older, age difference matters less and less, so this reason for not dating may not last very long after high school.
You don’t have to offer a reason for your answer, which is a good idea to avoid hurting his feelings. If a guy knows that you would date him if he didn’t do a specific activity, he may try to change for you. Keep in mind that this should not be a reason to date him; most people do not truly change in a short period of time unless there is a dramatic event attached to it—an event that evokes a lot of fearful and apprehensive emotions. [9] X Research source
If a guy friend knows that you are dating someone else before asking you out, your boyfriend or girlfriend will probably not like this very much, and strained relationships among your friends may ensue. Be careful how you handle this. For example, if you know that your boyfriend will be upset, tell your guy friend that you need some space after he asks you out.
If he is taking your “no” especially hard, you may want to consider not texting him at all anymore. Continuing to text him when he is sad about not being with you only leads him on, making matters worse. Ceasing texting communications is also appropriate if he begins to harass you about your decision not to date him, or if your current significant other is uncomfortable with it.
If it make you more comfortable, you can restrict outings to group settings so that outings do not seem like dates.
Try side hugging instead of full frontal hugging, as this prevents accidental affection or opportunity for it. [13] X Research source Don’t have physical contact like making out or sex. This creates a confusing situation for both of you, because if there is enough chemistry to want to do those things, chances are there is enough chemistry to start dating.
Some topics to steer clear of include strong feelings (such as fear and jealousy), family problems, past romantic problems or previous relationships, financial struggles, medical problems, etc. Instead, focus on “friend level” topics such as current movies, recent concerts, school or specific classes, recent vacations, things that happened at work, etc.
While talking on the phone isn’t advised, certainly don’t talk late at night or under the influence—anything that takes away your inhibitions. You may end up sharing way more than you mean to, creating a bond with your guy friend that makes him like you even more.
Keep away from confiding in him, even if you’re not venting or crying. Sharing secrets creates intimacy, making it difficult to communicate that you don’t want to date. Refrain from making him promises, which can also engender intimacy.
Body language includes eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, timing, and touch. Use this knowledge to send signals of friendship instead of romance, such as maintaining a conversational distance of 3 ft (1 meter), refraining from physical touch, and sitting across a table for lunch or dinner instead of on the same side. [17] X Research source Avoid flirting, which is a combination of body language and conversation meant to attract a partner, usually for amusement rather than with serious intent. Don’t make long, deep eye contact, touch unnecessarily, or try to engage in witty banter.
Restricting time spent and using body language cues will help you to keep saying no even if he doesn’t keep asking.
Try to get things back to the way they were as soon as you can after you turn him down. You may feel weird about him at first, but after repeated interactions similar to the way it was before he asked you out, you will eventually feel more comfortable.
