For example, if some of your friends are singing the praise of a film that you didn’t enjoy, you can say something like, “I’m glad you guys like the movie, but it didn’t do much for me. ”
This will show your friends that you have personal morals and won’t change your behavior simply because it gets a laugh.
Choose your friends wisely. Be close with genuinely kind and nice people, not cruel or detracting ones. Make sure that your friends support and admire you for being yourself; if they don’t, question their motives and the reasons for your friendships. Make sure you have friends or close family members that can serve as your integrity accountability mentors. This person should help you when you need to consult someone about making decisions in line with your values.
For example, if your friends all love watching rugby games, but you’re not into sports, don’t go along with them just to feel like you fit in. Instead, say something like, “How about we do something different for once? Let’s go bowling. ”
Your values may change over time. Your list won’t remain static, and that’s fine. The point is to check in with yourself and clarify your values. You can do this exercise any time to help you with that process. If you are struggling to come up with a list on your own, you can look for one online to help get you started.
For example, maybe one of your siblings is an incredible athlete. But, you lack their athletic talent. That’s fine! Figure out what you are good at: maybe that’s art or business, for example. Or, if you hang around with people who constantly play video games but realize you’re not interested in that lifestyle, find a way to spend less time around video games and more time doing something you truly enjoy.
For example, if you fail a test in high school or college, don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead, figure out what you did wrong that made you fail, and work to correct that error on your next test.
For example, say you want to be a musician. First, be specific: decide what type of music you’d like to play, and at what professional level. Then, decide if you can attain these goals. (If you want to be the conductor of a local high-school band, that’s very achievable. If you want to be the next Jimi Hendrix, that may be less attainable. ) Make sure your goal of being a musician is relevant to your personal interests (even after 1, 3, or 5 years have passed), and give yourself a specific time limit in which to meet your goals.
However, this isn’t to say that you can’t learn from positive and constructive feedback about improving yourself from friends and family. Those you trust will sometimes be excellent sources of suggestions for ways to improve yourself that will help bring out your true talents and abilities For example, if a friend says, “I think that you need to work on your temper; you’ve been angry lately and it’s starting to drive your friends away,” their advice would be worth listening to.
Good at the guitar. Sympathetic. Funny. Ambitious when it comes to following my passions. Good listener.
This activity will help you develop a positive self-image. A positive self-image will encourage you to stay true to yourself and your beliefs, since you will feel less pressure to be someone you’re not or to act in a way you find inauthentic.
For example, maybe you’re impatient, or maybe you realize you have a bit of a temper. It’s okay to work on improving these aspects of your personality, without devolving to self-hatred or denial.
