If you’ve determined that you are gifted musically, for example, you can begin to think of ways that you can meet other people in a music-oriented setting. If you’re not so great at athletics, then deciding to meet other people by joining a soccer club could be a bit too challenging at first. Not only will you have to deal with your anxiety about talking to new people, you’ll also be nervous or awkward about performing physically.
If you love to read, for example, consider joining a local book club. You can ease into it, and may not have to talk much at the first couple of visits, but know that you’ll be surrounded by people who have the same interests as you and who want to hear what you have to say. If athletics are your thing, look for advertisements for running clubs or intramural sports teams, or join a local gym and sign up for a group class. After a couple of sessions, you’ll recognize familiar faces, and you’ll know that you have something in common to talk about.
People often linger around after these events, or you may start to recognize familiar faces after you go to a few concerts, for example, in which case you could have an in for a conversation and maybe a new friendship.
For example, you can work to build homes for the needy, read to the elderly in nursing homes, or work for a political campaign.
For example, if you joined a running club and chatted with Sam a few times, you could let him know about a 5K you were thinking of running next week. Ask him if he’d like to sign up to run it together. Or perhaps you’ve gone to book club a few times and learned about a famous author’s visit to the local college campus next week. Invite the other members of the club to go to the reading with you, and suggest that you all go out to coffee afterwards.
For example, if you told your coworkers that you’ll go out for dinner on Friday, you might be thinking about being “sick” come 6pm. If, however, you had agreed to pick up your colleague and drive her to the restaurant, it will be much harder for you to bow out and spend the night alone.
You don’t have to follow through on a relationship that is not fulfilling, that makes you feel bad about yourself, or which is abusive just for the sake of being more social.
If this is the case, you will benefit tremendously from seeking professional help from either your physician or a mental health care professional. Together, you can help identify the cause of your anxiety, and work on a treatment plan, which may include therapy, medication or a combination of both. [4] X Research source
People who describe themselves as loners typically prefer to spend a lot of time alone, are often exhausted by interacting with others, and usually aren’t bothered by being with themselves. There’s nothing wrong with being a loner if that’s just how you are and if you’re fine with it![5] X Research source This is different from being lonely, when you actually crave interaction with other people, and either struggle or aren’t able to make connections with others.
Realize that some people just don’t need a lot of social interaction to be content, and that you don’t have to give in to people who think you “should” be a certain way or that you “should” like to go out all the time.
Those who are truly isolated or lonely (we can be lonely even when we’re surrounded by people!) are more prone to depression and other potentially serious health problems, so it’s important for even content introverts to spend time with other people. [6] X Research source
Your ability to get or keep a job often depends upon you having minimally decent people skills, so you need to spend some time learning how to be comfortable around other people.
For example, have you just moved to a new town or started a new job? Are you a new college student on a campus far from home? Do you work from home and thus don’t have to talk to people face-to-face on a regular basis?
Nonetheless, talking through a keyboard is not the same as being in close physical proximity to people, and you can still find yourself feeling lonely and isolated if you spend too much time on the computer or your phone. Make it a goal to start to broaden your interactions.
You’ll be able to make new furry friends, but more importantly, you’ll eventually have to talk to at least one or two actual people, such as the other volunteers or the dog owners. If you feel relaxed around animals, you should be more comfortable talking to other people, and the topic of conversation can stay focused on the animals, so you won’t have to struggle so hard to think of things to say.
Take a daily walk, or go to the coffee shop once day. Start to get comfortable just being near other people.
Is anyone flashing you a friendly smile? Are any “hi-how-are-you’s” directed your way? Did someone move their bag over on the bus for you to sit? Did the person in front of you at the cafeteria choose the same dessert as you and smile? These all may be invitations for you to strike up a conversation. Be careful not to automatically dismiss them as the other person just being polite.
You might think that saying “Hi, how are you?” is an empty gesture, but you may be surprised at how often people are willing to strike up a conversation after your lead.
Tell yourself that you will have fun when you go out, that you’ll have an interesting conversation, or that people will like you once they get to know you. You may feel ridiculous and may not believe yourself at first, but there can be real power in repeating these affirmations to yourself. [9] X Research source
For example, pay attention to the professor as she calls on students, and make note of any intriguing comments from your classmates. You may be able to strike up a conversation if you see them later waiting for class to start, at the bus stop, etc. Tell them that you had the same question about Plato’s theory of forms, for example. Or maybe you noticed your neighbor across the street got a new puppy. One of the times you see them while out on your walk, make it a point to comment on how much the puppy has grown in such a short time.
For example, you can sign up to be tutored (or to be a tutor), or you can register with the Boys or Girls club in your area (to be either a little or big brother or sister). [10] X Research source This social setting will be more focused: for example, if it’s tutoring, the subject matter is clear, so you won’t have to search for topics to talk about, and the one-on-one setting can be less intimidating.
