Start small by finding something small to say “no” to and say it firmly. For example, if your partner asks you to walk the dog yet you are exhausted, say, “No. I’d like you to walk the dog tonight, please. ” You can also do some role play with a friend to get used to saying “no. ” Have your friend ask you to do things, and then respond “no” to each of their requests. Make sure to pay attention to how you feel each time you say “no. ”
For example, say, “I know how much you want a nice birthday cake for the party and how much that means to you. I’d love to provide one, but I’m unable to do that at the moment. ”
For example, if someone asks you to stay late on a project, tell yourself, “I have the choice to say yes and stay or to go home and say no. ”
For example, taking care of your sick dog might be more important to you than attending a party you friend is having.
For example, if your friends want Italian food and you want Korean food, say that you want Korean food next time. Even if you go along with something, say your preference. For example, “I prefer the other movie, but I’m happy to watch this one. ” Avoid being defensive. State your needs without being angry or blaming someone. Do your best to be assertive, calm, firm, and courteous.
For example, if someone asks you to help them move, say, “I can help you between noon and three. ”
If the person needs a quick response, say no. Once you say yes, you’re stuck. Don’t use this as a way to avoid saying no. If you want to or need to say no, just say it without making the person wait. If you are not sure what your boundaries are, then take some time to reflect on your values and rights. Boundaries can be material, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or spiritual. [11] X Research source
For example, if your friend wants to go shopping but you want to go on a hike, start with one activity, then do the other.
Learn from your mistakes and treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend. Be kind, compassionate, and forgiving. Note if you have people pleasing tendencies. This is often a sign of low self-esteem.
If you’re trying to win the approval of a friend group or you want your grandmother to see what a good person you are, you may not be able to do this.
Find a therapist by contacting your insurance provider or a local mental health clinic. You can also find a therapist by getting a recommendation from a friend or physician.
