Sit somewhere quiet, journal about behaviors of yours you’ve noticed, then open up a discussion with your partner. For example, you can say, “I feel like I need a lot of reassurance and reach out to you a lot—has it been disrupting you at work?”[4] X Expert Source Mary Church, PhDResearch & Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. Listen closely to what your S. O. says, then show sensitivity and offer a solution. You can answer with something like, “I totally see where you’re coming from. I take responsibility for the ways I’ve distracted you. I want to stick to talking to you outside of business hours. ”
If you keep an upbeat attitude, your partner will want to spend more time with you. If you notice “green flags,” or things you like, you’ll train yourself to constantly discover what you adore about your partner. [8] X Expert Source Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MAAdult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist Expert Interview. 29 April 2020. Your S. O. will probably start to talk about how uplifting and supportive you are.
“I respect that you call me every day so I have a chance to really catch up with you. ” “I want to really honor the fact that you always come over when I’m struggling. ” “I see how you make the time to give me a pep talk before every big presentation. I know you always want to encourage me. ”
“I know you’ll always do what’s right for both of us. ” “I know you’re super honorable, honey. I’m not worried at all. ” “There’s no need to check up on you! I have total trust in our relationship. ”
Prioritize face-to-face talks. It’s easier to see each other’s body language. You can also show each other affection by hugging or holding hands. Just focus on your feelings instead of blaming your partner. You can say something like, “I was bummed when I didn’t go to karaoke night with your friends, too. I thought I was part of their social circle. ” Follow up with a way to get your needs met. You can make a comment like, “I would love another chance to hang out with everyone and be a part of things!” Set a cut-off time for your talk and enjoy each other’s company with something low-key afterward. For example, you can cuddle and watch a silly movie.
Make a list of all your strengths, talents, and amazing qualities as a girlfriend. If you do spot anything you feel envious of, just use it as motivation. For example, someone else might make you realize you’d like to focus on your personal projects again. [14] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. Remember that you usually only see the best parts of another person’s life or what they’re comfortable sharing.
Time apart is actually really connective because it gives your partner a chance to miss you. Your partner will also love that they can focus on self-development and still keep you. Respect if your partner ever says they just want some time alone. They’ll appreciate that you’re so understanding.
If you’re spontaneous and go out a lot, you can put any stressful conversations behind you. Ask your partner to brainstorm with you—they might want to explore something new with you, and they’ll appreciate that you gave them a chance to make plans, too. You might get so swept away from all the romance that your restlessness or worries won’t bother you anymore.
If you get the urge to text your partner during a time they’re busy, try to research fun new hobbies or events in your area. Set aside whole blocks of time where you just focus on yourself and unwind with something like video games or reading. Congratulate yourself when you set a new goal for alone time, like spending 2 hours on an activity without reaching out to your S. O. at all.
A reliable social circle helps prevent isolation since you can’t always be around your partner. Actively listen and engage with your loved ones. You’ll earn their trust, learn more about them, and become a lot more curious about what’s going on with others. Resist complaining about your relationship—it can negatively impact your connection when you see your S. O. again. If you ever feel overwhelmed, ask the people you trust about ways to stay happy and busy.
A therapist can also identify your “attachment style,” or your special way of connecting to an S. O. They’ll help you see if your past or family relationships have made it difficult to trust that your partner will stay with you. [24] X Research source They’ll also listen to you without judgment and look at your situation from an unbiased perspective so you can understand where your S. O. is coming from. [25] X Expert Source Stefanie Barthmare, M. Ed. , LPCPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 21 May 2021.
Start with something like, “I will make sure to pursue my own interests and focus on my own independence. I think it’d be most sustainable for us to see each other every other day instead of every day. ” Then, continue with an explanation, such as, “This will let us balance our social lives and personal projects with our own connection. It’ll feel more rewarding when we come back together again. ” Finally, end with a promise like, “I’ll keep making it a priority to put my self-growth first! That way, our relationship can stay light and fun. ”
