If you notice that a person is doing well and are impressed with the work that person is putting in, then you should praise that person for a job well done. Letting a person know that you’re not only looking out for the negatives can help you build a strong relationship and will also help you be less bossy. Be specific about what they’ve done well so they know you’re paying attention. For example, if you work in retail you can say “I saw how you handled that conflict with the customer. That was really well done!”
Focus completely on the person talking. Avoid roaming attention like playing on your phone or staring at the ground. Be consistent with body language. Nonverbal communication says a lot. If you’ve got your arms crossed and you’re frowning, nothing you say will be taken very positively. Take your audience into account. For instance, if you’re talking to a child, you probably want your tone of voice to be different than if you’re talking at a board room meeting. Keep your approach consistent with who you’re talking to.
Use the “SKS” method for getting feedback. [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source Ask these three questions to the people around you: “What should I stop doing?” “What should I keep doing?” “What should I start doing?”
If you’ve made a mistake, a sincere apology will help set things straight and let people know that you are open to compromise, rather than just being bossy. [9] X Research source For example, you can say “I’m sorry about what I did. I know I make mistakes just like everyone else. "
Work on accepting things you can’t change. Ask yourself if it’s something within your control and also if it’s something that will have positive consequences if changed. For example, sometimes making changes that aren’t absolutely necessary may anger people around you, if they like things the way they are. Make sure it’s worth it before you go around changing everything. You can say to yourself “This is a hard thing for me to accept, but I’m going to try my best, because it’s out of my control. " Of course, it’s okay not to accept some things. If something really isn’t working in your environment, then wanting to change it can be an admirable and meaningful task.
Start small to ease into this. You shouldn’t give up all responsibility of your main project or stop making any decisions at all. Just give up some minor control at first, whether you let another coworker proofread a report or let your friend choose where you want to eat. You’ll see that it’ll get easier and easier. Giving up control can actually improve your performance and even your own health. It’s good for productivity to be open to making mistakes, and giving up control will allow you to be easier on yourself.
For example, if you have a messy roommate, you can certainly ask the person to do his share of the dishes, to take out the trash more often, and to clean up his or her own space. You can do this and hope the person doesn’t have to be reminded, but you can’t expect the person to keep everything perfect 100% of the time. There’s a difference between having high expectations and unreasonable expectations. Sure, you can expect the people who work under you to pick up the slack, but you can’t get them to double their pace unless they really have a lot of room for improvement.
Take an inventory of what you’re good at. Make a list of things you believe are your areas of strength. If you have trouble coming up with very many, think about what positive things people have said about you over the years. Set realistic expectations for yourself. One of the easiest ways to be too hard on yourself is to have unrealistic expectations. Examine what you expect from yourself in performing the activities of your life and ask yourself if they are reasonable. You may want to consult a trusted friend or family member to get a second opinion. Focus on progress rather than perfection. Instead of setting up a really high goal, focus on small improvements that you make. For example, if you’re trying to start exercising, focus on doing ten minutes more than you did the day before, rather than expecting yourself to be able to work out for two hours right off the bat.
It may be helpful to ask yourself in the moment, “Is this something that really needs my attention? Is the other person capable of doing it on their own? Are there more important things going on right now that could benefit from my help?”
Take different perspectives. If a coworker says that he wants to do a project a certain way, before you dismiss the idea, ask yourself why he might want to do that. Consider opinions before dismissing them. Strain to understand things outside your normal perspective. Avoid over-generalizing with rules of thumb. For example, you may believe that the early bird gets the worm. That may be true sometimes, but other times someone who shows up later on may have shown up at just the right time. Recognize that there are exceptions to most rules. Avoid putting too much weight on feelings of certainty and uncertainty. Your intuition isn’t always right. You should certainly take your gut feelings into consideration, but sometimes it’s good to wait and see rather than acting on instinct all the time.
If your anxiety isn’t very severe, you can take measures to reduce it on your own, such as meditating, cutting back on caffeine, and exercising. [12] X Research source You can also use verbal affirmations. If you start to feel overwhelmed with anxiety, say to yourself things like “My anxiety does not control me” or “I am safe and protected. “[13] X Research source If you suffer from severe anxiety and find yourself staying up nights worrying, shaking because you’re so worried, or finding it hard to focus because you’re obsessing over all the things that can go wrong, then you may want to see a mental health care professional.
If you’re known for being bossy, then people will be pleasantly surprised and will really appreciate it when you give them a chance. You can take a deep breath and say “Why don’t you make the decision about our plans? I don’t mind. "
Spending more time with spontaneous people who don’t plan the future very much can also help you be spontaneous yourself. See what happens when you leave your weekend open instead of planning it down to the minute. You may find that a new exciting adventure falls into your lap. Call a friend and say “Hey, want to go on an adventure this weekend?” You can brainstorm ideas together.
Delegation frees you up to pursue the things you’re best at. It can help you work with other people such that everyone is doing their best work. Delegation builds mutual trust. It shows the people around you that you trust their competence to complete the task you’ve asked them to do. Delegation produces the best output. Instead of having to do everything yourself, which takes time and effort, if you delegate then you’ll have a number of people working toward a goal. This will help make projects more effective and productive. Ask politely when delegating tasks. You can say “Would you be willing to do this task for me?”
Constant unsolicited advice-giving shows people that you don’t trust their abilities. It’s a bad way to gain trust from the people around you. [16] X Research source People are less likely to take your advice if you give it unsolicited, so sometimes all you are doing is wasting your time.
