Think about it: if you’re afraid to have people over because your place isn’t perfect, they’re much more likely to judge you for not wanting to host than for having a few pillows out of place. Perfectionism slows people down. Though it’s great to be thorough, there are diminishing returns. Reading a report over once for typos is responsible; reading it over two or three times is a waste of your time.
Talking to a therapist or a close friend about your self-esteem issues, anxiety, or any other underlying causes for your controlling behavior can be a big help. This can help you get to the root of the matter that is causing you to be controlling.
Of course, it can take a long time to manage your anxiety, though yoga, meditation, cutting back on the caffeine, or taking the time to find the root causes of your problems can help.
Think about it: what’s the worst that can happen if you don’t know the answer to something? It happens to people all the time. You may think that people will judge you or think you’re inferior in some way, but that won’t happen. They’ll be much more likely, in fact, to think you’re flawed if you never admit that you’re wrong. Part of not always being right is opening yourself up to vulnerability. Nobody said this would be pleasant, but this is the way to trust people and to show that you’re only human. You want people to be able to relate to you, don’t you?
Of course, revolutions are started by people who see things that need a major change and work hard to get there. But we’re not talking about you being Che Guevara here. We just want you to feel at peace with the situation around you instead of trying to “fix” problems that don’t really exist.
Instead of putting pressure on yourself, you’ll learn to love the idea of working with other people to achieve a common goal – or even to let them work a bit more while you take a break. Start small. You don’t have to delegate all of the duties for a major project for work as your first exercise. Instead, let your coworker choose the place where you’re going to go for your lunch break. Was that so hard? If not, take a bigger step toward giving up control and see how it feels.
Think about it: if you’re always telling your boyfriend, your best friend, or your lab partner exactly what to do, then how would that make them feel? They’d feel like you don’t trust them because you think they’re not as smart/together/awesome as you. Is that how you want the people you care about the most to feel?
Sure, it takes humility to ask for help, but you’ll get used to it. Everybody gets through life with some kind of help, and you should be no different.
Don’t interrupt people. Let them finish what they have to say and really take the time to think it over before you bring out your own ideas.
It’s one thing to talk about room for improvement and to help others work to become a better version of themselves. But it’s another thing entirely to try to change them into something they are not.
Ask yourself why you tend to feel jealous. Is it because of a past betrayal, or does it come from your feelings of insecurity? If you want to be in a healthy, mutually-beneficial relationship, then you have to work on kicking those feelings of jealousy to the curb.
For example, if you keep trying to micromanage one of your employees and all it leads to is resentment and lower productivity, it may be time to cut back. If your best friend is depressed because she lost her job and you call her every day to see if she’s applied for any new jobs and it’s only making her more upset, it may be time to cut back.
You can even meet weekly with your friend to discuss your progress. If you tell someone else about your intentions, you can feel accountable to them and will be more motivated to change.
If you always tell people what you “suggest” is the best thing to do, you’ll get a reputation for being a know-it-all.
Try it out. Go into your weekend without having one thing planned and then just do what you feel like doing. If you get a last minute invitation to do something fun, you should accept it. Though many people like having a planner, make sure that there are at least ten free hours in your week that you don’t have a game plan for. Then move that up to fifteen, or even twenty. This will help you relax and see that things will still be okay if you don’t always know exactly what’s going to happen.
The next time you’re with a group of people, hold your tongue when it comes to deciding what to do. Let them decide. You’ll see that it wasn’t nearly as bad as you expected it to be!
To really be flexible, you have to realize that ultimately, a few unexpected hours in your week or a few last-minute changes won’t have a huge impact on your life. Once you realize this, you’ll feel much more free and open to possibilities.
