I feel uncomfortable and angry when I see a same-sex couple kissing. I think it is wrong that my sister likes other women. I feel it is unnatural for two men to like each other.
”Why do I feel angry in [x] situation? Who or what has influenced this emotion? Is there a reason why I feel this way?” ”Do I think it is reasonable to feel this way? What steps can I take to not feel this way?” ”Can I talk to someone about these feelings to identify why I feel this way?”
”Do my parents feel homophobic and have their views influenced mine?” ”Is there someone in my life that influence these negative feelings?” ”Has my education/religion/research made me feel this way? Why?”
”I have a bad habit of using the word ‘gay’ to describe things. I think this can be offensive to people who identify as gay. ” ”I made fun of [x] in high school and called him gay. This probably hurt his feelings. ” ”I was so mean to my sister when she came out to the family. I ruined an important relationship in my life because of my hateful feelings. ”
”I want to stop using the word ‘gay. ’ ”I want to ask forgiveness to people I made fun of. ” ”I want to rekindle my relationship with my sister and ask her for forgiveness. ”
”Do you know what that phrase means?” ”Why do you use that phrase?” ”Don’t you think that phrase can be hurtful to others?”
Be matter-of-fact. Once you include emotion into your voice, it can be easy for others to not take you seriously. Speak with facts and with a level head so that your message is more likely to be heard. Explain why what was said is hateful. Sometimes, people speak without realizing that their words have meaning. Explain why what a person said was hateful and perhaps she will understand the error of her ways. Say that there is nothing wrong with being gay or a lesbian. This positive attitude can show that you have support for others.
”I really do not like what you are saying about [x]; that is very hurtful!” ”Why would you say or do that? How would you feel if that was done to you?” ”I really do not think we can be friends if you continue to talk like that. ”
Many time periods in history have records of homophobia. For example, during WWII, Nazi Germany placed gay people in concentration camps. Learning facts can help put this hatred into perspective and perhaps allow you to learn to be more tolerant because of them. You can learn about history through a number of means including documentaries, podcasts, textbooks, and the internet.
Just have a normal conversation and try and keep an open mind about the person you are talking with. Try neutral social questions such as: “Can you tell me about your job?” or “What sorts of movies do you like to watch? or “What is your favorite restaurant?”
To help broaden your mind, try going to an advocacy meeting, rally, seminar, or lecture specifically aimed at gay/lesbian rights. Again, it is important to be respectful to others, regardless of your own views. To find the locations for such meetings, check flyers at a local college campus. College campuses generally have a more diverse community and often host meetings/lectures/seminars.
Making a gay friend is just like making a heterosexual friend. Find someone who shares similar interests as you and let a friendship grow organically.
