Let’s say that your boyfriend texted you back “OK” when you went on this huge, gushing, sentimental streak about how great tomorrow night is going to be on your anniversary. In your head, you start thinking, “Ohmigod. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about me. What am I doing? Is this it? Are we going to break up?” Woah. Back up. Does “OK” mean any of those things? No. That’s your imagination running away with you. It may mean he’s busy or not in the mood, but it does not mean things are over. People have a tendency of focusing on the negative and seeing the worst in otherwise harmless situations. Trying to focus on what is just in your head will help you start chipping away at your insecurity, which needs your wild imagination to thrive.
Most of us get so caught up in the fact that we assume everyone knows how we feel and can tell we’re insecure, making the situation even worse. Luckily, this just isn’t true. No one is judging you for being insecure because no one can tell.
As Steve Furtick said, “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. “[4] X Research source We’ll talk about making comparisons in a bit, but just realize that you’re looking at everyone’s highlight reel, not the actual body of their work.
However, this does not mean to accept your feelings as true. “I’m fat and ugly” is something you should allow yourself to feel, not to believe. Acknowledge that you feel this way and then you can ask yourself why and do something about it.
And if you have some comparison void that needs filling, just compare you to you. How are you improving? What skills do you have now that you didn’t before? How are you a better person? What have you learned? After all, in the race that’s life, you’re your fiercest competition.
If you can’t think of any (you’re not alone), ask a few close friends or family members what they think your best qualities are. Besides, there’s tons of research that says others know us better than we know ourselves. [6] X Research source When you’re feeling down for the count, bust out this list or remember back to its contents. Take on an attitude of gratitude and those insecurities may just start slipping away. Look online for lists of self affirmations that could also be used if one cannot come up with positive qualities.
Take care of your body. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, and keep it at 100% as often as possible. This is the bare minimum. Take care of your space. If you live in a pile of potato chip bags, you probably aren’t going to feel ready to take on the world. What’s more, you need to take care of your mental space, too. Practice meditation, do yoga, or find some other way to keep your mind stress-free. Take care of your time. In other words, make time to A) relax, and B) do what you love. With these two things, happiness falls in line – a large obstacle to self-acceptance.
A good example is how long you’ll wait for a late friend. You could make a rule that you won’t wait longer than 30 minutes. If they snooze, you’re outta there. After all, your time is valuable – you are valuable. If they don’t respect that, they’re disrespecting you. And if they do respect you, they’ll be on time.
Don’t know where to start? Go through your body and consciously release your muscles that are holding tension. When we get nervous, we physically tense up. Letting your muscles go is a cue to your mind and those around you that you’re cool as a cucumber.
It’s so easy to focus on the negative, especially with a naturally insecure way of thinking. When we’re insecure, the entire world takes on a negative hue and thus compliments get kicked out of our mainstream thinking. Writing them down helps you remember them and relive them, all at once. Loving yourself may come as a result.
And to go along with that, get rid of everyone else. Seriously. If there are people in your circle that don’t help you love yourself, cut ’em off. You’re better than that. Ending a toxic friendship is hard, but it’s totally, completely worth it when you realize how much better you feel.
What’s more, your work may be keeping you from your actual passion. Imagine if you had more time to do what made you happy – how might that feel? Probably pretty incredible. When you have purpose, it’s a lot easier to feel secure and love yourself.
Once you pinpoint the issue, you can start to take action. If your weight bothers you, use it as motivation to start losing weight and to make yourself feel beautiful. If it’s your status in life, you can make a change to accomplish more. Whatever it is, use it to your advantage. It can be the urge you need to improve. Who knew insecurity could come in handy?!
Yeah, it’ll be hard work. It will. Losing weight isn’t easy. Switching jobs is equally hard. Dumping a leech of a partner sucks. But these kinds of things are doable. It’ll be rough initially, but in the long run you’ll be in much better a place. A place of security and self-love.
