If you had a blast when you went out on Friday night, you probably can’t wait to replicate the experience as soon as possible. However, instead of calling up your friend first thing Saturday morning to make more plans, give it a few days. Savor the fun time you had and give your friend the chance to savor it, too. When it’s time to hang out again, you’ll both have had the chance to actually look forward to seeing each other, making your time together all the sweeter.
Make it a point to remind yourself that this new person in your life is human, which means they’re not perfect. Avoid putting them on a pedestal. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and forgive, rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect.
They haven’t gotten the message yet. They’ve been too busy or preoccupied to get back to you. If you trust this person, then you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the case. They aren’t interested in hanging out at the moment.
If you make the person feel confined or responsible for your life, it is going to push them away.
Think about whether the person is acting fickle. Some people just aren’t good about maintaining a friendship or relationship, and sometimes they’re lazy, or forgetful. More often, though, if someone isn’t responsive, it’s not because they forgot to call you back - it’s because they made a choice not to. It might be that the other person just needs some time to focus on other things for a while. It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship.
Decide how much time and attention you want to give the relationship, and figure out how much you expect in return. [2] X Research source If your expectations are reasonable, but you’re always feeling let down or neglected, it might be time to find a new friend or significant other who makes you feel valued and cared for. Relationships aren’t easy to balance - it often seems like one person is putting in more effort. It’s normal to have phases where one person is often busy and the other one seems to be calling and texting more. However, if this is a constant pattern in your relationship, and you don’t think it’s going to change, get out of the relationship before it hurts your self-esteem.
Have your own goals and desires, and learn to enjoy your life when you are by yourself. Widen your scope. Go volunteer. Learn to dance. Go for a run. Learn to oil paint. Join a club. Put yourself out there, apply yourself, and have fun! All your worries will fall away, and if and when the person gets in touch, it’ll be a delightful surprise, not a frantic relief!
Try this exercise: when a needy thought comes into your head, repeat a mantra to yourself. Say “I am strong,” or “I have everything I need. " Repeat something in your head that helps you feel like a whole person who doesn’t need anyone else to live. Listening to music and watching movies about freedom and strength can also help.
One way to get rid of neediness is to prove to yourself that you don’t need anyone by doing things by yourself, or being single, for an extended period of time, until you feel confident. Act like you want a best friend or significant other, but you definitely don’t need them. Try not to seek out a new relationship until you’re sure you won’t fall into the same old patterns.
For example: People who have good friends don’t seem to be needy, especially when it comes to making new friends, because they already have that aspect of ‘want’ satisfied. Another example would be that people who enjoy their job come across as non-needy, especially while on the job because they are channeling their mind’s hyperactivity through their job. Similarly, if a guy is in a good relationship, he doesn’t feel needy in front of other girls because he’s already getting that ‘want’ satisfied from another person. As a result, he seems pretty non-needy and that’s the reason other people feel attracted to him. It’s a researched fact that guys who are already in a relationship are attractive to others[5] X Research source . What’s the commonality in all of the above? They are all fleeting external factors. Which means remove that ’external factor’ and the mind will become needy again, at least in that aspect. For example: moving to another city away from your friends, losing your job, breaking up with your partner, etc. This does not mean not to seek activities, go out with friends, have a relationship, etc. In fact, these are pragmatic ways to channel the mind’s hyperactivity/neediness, and can be part of the journey to becoming truly non-needy; but ultimately, each person has their own journey. True non-neediness comes when you stop seeking fulfillment externally because you realize that none of the fleeting external factors can satisfy you. You may continue to follow your passions, hang out with friends, relationships, etc. , just because you enjoy them; but you won’t seek fulfillment in them. You become simple and humble, like an ocean. “All streams flow to the sea because it’s lower than they are, humility gives it its power”. Tao Te Ching. If you are feeling uncertain, congratulations.
