Never apologize for being shy. Explain why you’re reacting the way you are, say that you’re working on it because you want to, but never give anyone the impression that you owe them extroversion.
Don’t bottle up your nervous feelings to deal with them later. Tell your partner how you’re feeling in real time. Don’t dwell on your shyness; get it out in the open, then move on to another subject when the feeling passes. Let your partner comfort you if they try.
Ask a platonic friend or relative who you’re very comfortable with to go on a “date” with you. Go through all the steps: get dressed up, pick them up/have them pick you up, go to a restaurant and have a nice conversation. Familiarize yourself with the dating context, and try to remember that it’s all old hat when you’re on a real date with your partner.
Make lists of your fears, hopes, and other important feelings. If you need to have an argument, outline the rationale behind your side of the argument. Anticipate what your partner will say, as well. The better prepared you are for all possible routes of conversation, the more open and effective you’ll be as a communicator.
Push yourself gently but surely into situations that put you outside of your comfort zone. Don’t rush yourself! Start small and work your way up to taking bigger steps, like spontaneous romantic vacations.
A sporting event where you can be among a crowd A museum, where you can discuss the exhibits rather than personal details A movie or theatrical production, where you can spend time together without speaking
Take a deep breath and hold it for a count of four, then exhale, controlling your breath on the way out. Repeat until you’ve overcome your anxiety.
The eyes are an important tool for communication, so rushing into a lot of eye contact might feel draining. Over time, practice making eye contact more and more frequently, and for longer periods of time. Practice on pictures and images on the TV, or with your parents if looking into your partner’s eyes is too intimidating at first. Looking anywhere in the vicinity of your partner’s eyes will still be comforting to them, even if you’re not making direct eye contact. It’s easier to make eye contact when you’re listening than when you’re speaking, so start with the easy stuff.
Let your hands sit at your sides. Push your shoulders back and your chest forward.
If your partner smiles or laughs, you should smile or laugh along. If they’re discussing something concerning, register their worry on your face. This will ensure your partner that you’re still engaged with them, not withdrawn into your own world.
Smiling or laughing at appropriate moments Maintaining eye contact Nodding along
