Do you have a pretty good opinion about yourself? Do you allow others to control the way you feel about yourself? If you find yourself looking to others to determine your self-esteem, this is a sign that you could work on your happiness.
An example of positive behavior is when you compare yourself to someone with qualities you admire. Rather than just envy this person for his good quality (he is a caring person, for example), you strive to make yourself more caring. An example of negative behavior is when you compare yourself with someone who has something you want. For example, you are jealous of this person’s new car.
Think about how this comparison made you feel. Write down all the thoughts and feelings that come to mind. For example, you feel depressed because you are jealous of someone’s new car, and you still drive a 20-year-old car.
For example, you may think back to your childhood before you started comparing yourself to a sibling. You may then realize that you began comparing yourself to a sibling because you felt neglected. You can now start exploring the cause of your comparative behavior. One of the hardest things about comparative behavior is realizing that it’s having a negative impact on you. By tracking and acknowledging the way comparing yourself makes you feel, you’ll be more likely to change the negative behavior.
Spend more of your time focusing on the positive and good in your life. You may find that you start noticing more of it when you’re not busy comparing yourself to others.
By keeping a gratitude journal you can increase your chances of success. However, just going through the motions without motivation will work against you. [4] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source You need to force yourself to look at things you may have taken for granted and give appreciation to them. Make the decision to acknowledge the depth of your gratitude and enhance your life. Write in depth. Instead of just making a laundry list of things, give a thorough explanation of a few things that make you feel grateful. Write about surprises or unexpected events. This will give you a chance to savor the good feelings that you experienced. You don’t need to write every day. In fact, writing a couple of times a week might be more beneficial than writing every day.
It doesn’t matter what other people do or have. You are the one that matters in the course of your life.
Pre-contemplation: During this stage, the individual is not ready to change. Often, this is due to being uninformed or under-informed on the issue at hand. Contemplation: This stage involves considering making a change. The individual begins to weigh the positive angles of change, although he is aware of the negative sides of changing. Preparation: During this stage, the individual has made a decision to change, and has started making plans to institute the change. Action: During this stage, the person is making efforts to change the behavior. This may involve a reduction in certain activities, or an increase in other activities, for example. Maintenance: This stage involves maintaining a level of activity to ensure that the behavior has changed and remains changed. Termination: During this stage, the behavior has changed so that the individual does not experience relapse, even under stress, depression, anxiety or other emotional states.
For example, if you know someone else who can write well, instead of envying her talents, think about your talents. Tell yourself, “I may not be the best writer, but I can draw very well. Besides, if I want to improve in writing, I can work towards this goal for myself instead of envying others for their talent. "
If you want to run a marathon, state this as your goal. You can assess where you’re at (for example, get a sense of how much distance you can run before any training begins).
Go at your pace. Take your unique situation into account when you track your progress. For example, if you are taking longer to get a graduate degree than some of your friends, you can think about how you are also working full-time, or you are raising a family, or you are caring for your elderly parents. Everyone faces a unique situation that enables or restricts progress. Think about your circumstances as you track your progress. If you are training for a marathon, you can track how much improvement you see every week. Run for a longer distance each week until you hit the 26-mile mark. At the same time you are gaining distance, you are also increasing your speed. By charting your progress, you can see how far you’ve come and how much further you have to go.
It’s important to recognize that perfection is an unproductive thought pattern where one holds an unrealistic ideal as a standard of achievement. Recognize that everyone’s circumstances are entirely unique. You can work on improving your abilities to make yourself happy.
For example, you might look at pictures of athletes to admire their fitness. Instead of feeling inferior and jealous, you can use these as motivation to make changes in your life. You might decide to change your eating habits and get more exercise. Then, you are using the pictures productively instead of negatively.
Start with small steps. This will help build your self-confidence in your abilities.
Think of yourself as your coach, pushing you toward excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts. Then you will reach goals that you set for yourself by raising your esteem, instead of destroying it.
If you don’t want to completely disable or delete your Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account, then limit the time you spend each day, or each week, checking up on your accounts. For example, keep it to 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a week, but use caution since even small amounts of exposure can lead to negative comparative thinking. [8] X Research source Turner, S. , Hamilton, H. , Jacobs, M. , Angood, L. , & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on the body image satisfaction of college women: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614.
Even temporary exposure to media depicting ideal images has been shown to impact self-esteem and self-image negatively. [9] X Research source Turner, S. , Hamilton, H. , Jacobs, M. , Angood, L. , & Hovde Dwyer, D. (1997). The influence of fashion magazines on the body image satisfaction of college women: An exploratory analysis. Adolescence, 32(127), 603-614. This can even put you at risk for rumination and depression symptoms. [10] X Research source Feinstein, B. , Hershenberg, R. , Bhatia, V. , Latack, J. , Meuwly, N. , & Davila, J. (2013). Negative social comparison on Facebook and depressive symptoms: Rumination as a mechanism. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 2(3), 161-170.
For example, if you envy the perfect relationship that a friend has with her spouse, remember how difficult it was for her to find that partner and the challenges she may have faced. Empathy will replace jealousy. If you see someone with the body, car, or life you want, try to think of actions you can take to get yourself closer to these goals and write them down.
