Tell your friend that you feel disrespected when he or she keeps you waiting for more than a few minutes, and that your time should be respected as much as his or hers. Inform your friend that in the future, you will not wait past a certain time (10 or 15 minutes is reasonable), even if he or she calls to let you know s/he will be late; you will decide whether you want to continue the activity on your own and allow him or her to join you in progress, or if you want to abandon the plan and go home. You will not feel obliged to notify your friend of your decision.
Your “late” friend invites you to dinner at a favorite restaurant. Rather than wait for her to come to your place and driving in together, tell her you will meet her at the restaurant at 8pm. If she hasn’t arrived by 8:15, ask to be seated anyhow (that’s right, go in alone), and tell the waitress d’ that if your friend arrives, to bring her right over. This is easier on you if you (A) bring another friend along with you or (B) bring some reading material. Don’t wait any longer - ask your server for a menu, and order. Whenever she arrives, just greet her nicely - even if you are already finished with dinner. Stay only as long as you wish to - even if it means you walk away just as she is ordering. Your “late” friend tells you he’d like to go to the movies on Friday night. You’re tired by the end of the week, and want to make the early show, and you tell him so. Don’t go to his place and pick him up (you’ll probably find that he isn’t close to being ready, and by the time he gets ready and you leave, you’ll have missed the early show). Instead, offer to meet him at the theater. Buy only your ticket - tell him he will need to buy his own. If he isn’t there by the time you are seated, go on in and save a seat for him. If he makes it by the time the show starts, fine. If he comes in as the show is in progress, make him be seated quietly and watch the movie. Finish the evening as you wish - either by going out for coffee or for dessert together, or by telling him he’s a jerk for being so late and you’re going home. Or, just abandon the plan and leave. If you feel so angry and resentful that you can’t have a good time on your own, just blow off the date and go home. If s/he shows later, then calls you wondering where you are, let him or her know that you waited just as long as you wanted to, then left.
Say, “I’ve noticed that time is a challenge for you. " Then wait and listen with an open mind. Replay what they said to you in a gentle way, using their words. For example: “Okay. So you went to work, got involved, and stayed till the project finished. Is this right?” Listen. Then ask, “Did you really want to be on time?” Listen. If yes, “If you could be on time how would you do that?” Listen. Make agreement. “Okay. In fairness to you and me, let’s agree that you pay for your own (ticket, etc. ). If you are on time, we go together. If you choose or something comes up to make you late, you will understand that I may not wait and you are on your own time. "
