Sure, not everyone in the world is going to make your life better, and when you’re stuck on a crowded subway, it’s easy to feel like everyone is only there to make your life miserable. However, if you give individual people a chance, you’ll see that they’re not so bad, after all. Practice assuming that anyone who talks to you has the best intentions, not the worst. Of course, if a stranger approaches you in a dark alley, you should be wary, but if your coworker or neighbor asks you to grab a cup of coffee, assume that the person just wants to be your friend, not that the person has some ulterior motive for hanging out with you.
Smile more and be friendly. Show people that you’re open to conversation and they’ll be more likely to be frank with you. Find a way to find common ground with people. This will show you that you’re not as different from them as you expected. Know that there’s nothing small about small talk. It’s what leads you to build deeper relationships and to get to know people better eventually.
Plus, you never know. The random compliment you give to a person can make that person’s day. Maybe it’ll be the only positive interaction that person has all day, and it takes so little effort. If you know a person more closely, focus on complimenting an aspect of that person’s personality instead of just the superficial things. Plus, if you compliment more people, you’ll hear more positive reinforcement back, so you’ll just be contributing to more positive energy and less hatred in the universe.
You don’t need to bare your soul to the first person you see. However, if you slowly open up to your acquaintances, then those relationships may lead to friendships. You may feel like you hate everyone because you feel like a loner who can’t relate to anyone. But if you talk to people more, you’ll see that you’re not as different as you thought. As you open up to people, make sure to ask them questions about themselves, too. This can help you feel more inclined to connect with people.
One way to see that people can be a big resource to you is to talk to them more. Talking to people more will make you see how much they have to offer to you. You may not know, for example, that your neighbor is a whiz at math until you talk to him more. If people help you with something, help them out in return. This can make you feel more connected to people and less likely to hate them, too.
You’ll also meet some people who will help you develop a more positive perspective who will make you see that the world isn’t all doom and gloom. Just volunteering a few times a month can help you feel more open-minded and like you’re making a real difference.
If you’re in denial about why you hate the person, then you’ll never really be able to deal with your feelings. The sooner you let your feelings out, the sooner you’ll feel better. If you feel like crying, there’s no shame in that. Do whatever you need to do to deal with the source of your hatred.
Be open and honest about your feelings. Don’t hold back, as long as you don’t insult the person or stir up more drama. You’ll feel better about letting those feelings go. If the person is unwilling to talk to you, then there’s no point in forcing it. You’ll only end up feeling more frustrated if the person won’t talk to you.
Work on building compassion and trying to see a situation through another person’s shoes. See if you can see where the person who hurt you is coming from. Make sure you really listen to the person who apologizes to you. If you’re not ready to hear the apology yet, then say you need a while until you’ve calmed down a bit.
Of course, if you’re in a complicated situation with the person and genuinely need advice, then you can talk to someone else about it. But if you just want to complain, gossip, and make the situation worse, then that definitely won’t stop you from hating. Plus, if the person hears that you’re gossiping about him or her, then he or she is likely to gossip back, and that will only fuel the cycle of hatred.
Try to avoid talking about the person you hate. Instead, keep things positive and avoid dragging yourself down even further.
Though it can be hard to fully distract yourself when you hate somebody, just making an effort to go through the motions and throw yourself into something else can be far more effective than sitting there and stewing. Try to do something that won’t remind you of the person you hate or make you think even more bad thoughts about him or her.
If you and the person you hate are in the same social circle or hang out at a lot of the same places, try to avoid the person as much as you can until you feel calmer about the situation. If you do have to see the person regularly, like in class, then you should work on either ignoring the person or being as cordial as you can.
Find a calm, quiet place and take a seat on the floor. Close your eyes and focus on relaxing every part of your body one at a time. Focus on the breath rising in and out of your body. Work on eliminating any thoughts, worries, or complaints that may fill your mind. Do this once or twice a day for at least 10 minutes until you find yourself feeling more at peace, relaxed, and less likely to judge.
You can do this on your own so you can feel calm and meditative throughout the experience. Avoid thinking any negative thoughts and focus on the present and enjoy the world around you. You can also bringing a hiking, walking, or jogging buddy with you and enjoy both the nature you see and being around other people. You don’t need to be the outdoorsy type to spend time outside. If you’re really not into hiking, just take a walk through your neighborhood and look at the leaves changing colors or the flowers blooming.
Take the time to review your list. Read it aloud if you need to. This will help reinforce that you should stop hating so much and that you do have things you can be happy about. Make a habit of adding to this list once a week. This will show you that you should make a habit of gratitude. Tape the list above your list if you want to. This can help you stay more positive.
Think about it: do most of your friends get you down or enable your hating behavior? If this is the case, then you shouldn’t ditch them completely, but you should seek out more positive people. Even if you don’t like being social, you should try to hang out with positive people at least once a week. This can help turn your perspective around and make you see that things aren’t so bad, after all.
Building your confidence can take years, but once you make an effort to address your insecurities, you’ll be on your way to hating less. One thing you can do is try to hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself. If everyone around you is always bringing you down, then you’re not likely to be very confident. Work on projecting confidence through your body language. Stand tall, look people in the eye, and avoid slouching or crossing your arms over your chest. Let people see that you’re happy to inhabit your own body.
Make a list of all the good things you have to look forward to, even if it’s something as silly as your favorite show after school. Start small and build toward larger, more important goals. This can make you see that there is plenty of good in the world after all. Make a habit of talking about the good things in your life instead of the bad. This can make you both outwardly and inwardly optimistic. Plus, if you share the things you’re excited about, your friends will support you and make you even more excited about them.
Sure, you’re going to be a hater if there’s nothing that seems meaningful in your life. But if you spend even one hour or half an hour a day doing what you love, you’ll feel more positive about everything. If you don’t think there’s really anything you love, then that may be part of the problem. Make an effort to take new classes, ask other people about their hobbies, and sign up for after-work or after-school activities to see what strikes your fancy.
