For example, people may drink alcohol, use drugs, comfort themselves with food, exercise too much, or shop excessively to help numb painful feelings after a breakup. If you notice yourself doing these things, acknowledge it and try to stop. If you can’t stop, you may need to seek professional help.
Take a moment to decipher what you are really feeling. Becoming more aware of these feelings may help you to move on. Grab a pen and paper and write down some of the thoughts or feelings that come to your mind. Also, notice any physical sensations you are experiencing. People often experience anger as tightness in the shoulders or back; fear may feel like a pit in your stomach; sadness may feel like a hollowness in your chest or throat. How would you label this feeling? Shame? Disappointment? Rejection? Guilt?
Take responsibility by changing your language. Instead of saying, “He made me feel worthless,” it is correct to actually say, “I feel worthless. ” The other person didn’t make you feel that way. This strategy may seem like it’s removing all responsibility from your ex. It’s not. In fact, changing your perspective about who’s in control of your emotions helps you. How? If only you can make yourself feel hate or guilt or sadness, it also holds true that only you can make yourself feel joy and excitement, too. You will experience all these emotions again, without your ex.
Try deep breathing. Inhale a full breath for a count of five. Hold it for five seconds, then release for another five. Repeat until you begin to feel calm. Take a few deep breaths and slowly count up from one. Try counting to 10 but, if you still feel angry, keep going. Concentrate on the numbers, not on your ex. Learn more methods by reading the wikiHow article How to Calm Down.
Learn from your mistakes. Rather than stewing over what went wrong, identify the ways you grew or learned from the relationship. Release what you can’t control. A relationship is a two-way street of give and take. Both partners have to contribute to make it healthy and worthwhile. If you hate your ex for not being faithful, not putting in effort, or never wanting to compromise, you must recognize that these are all things out of your control. You can’t change or control the other person.
Letting go rituals can consist of any actions you want to take to say goodbye to a past relationship. Write your ex a letter (you don’t have to mail it — tear it up or burn it if you want) expressing your feelings. Go to the beach and fill your palm with sand, letting it slip through your fingers to indicate the loss. Light a candle and think good thoughts and recount memories with this person before blowing out the flame.
Be wary of falling into a rumination trap with others. Having a source of comfort is important, but you don’t want to spend your time with friends constantly badmouthing your ex. Focus on planning fun activities for the future instead of dwelling in the past.
Being grateful to others can actually make you feel good. Science tells us that people who practice gratitude experience more positive emotions, feel lonely less, feel happier, and have stronger immune systems. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
Taking a break can help you learn from your past mistakes. Use this time to develop and figure out what it is you truly want in a partner. Learn to enjoy life on your own before adding another to the equation again.
Don’t skip meals; eat three to four balanced meals each day. Avoid alcohol or drugs. Find a physical activity you enjoy and engage in it regularly. Exercise generates endorphins which can lift your mood. [6] X Research source Take up a hobby or participate in an activity that makes you feel good and relieves stress. Some ideas might include gardening, meditating, hiking, or painting.
Spend some time pondering your future. A breakup is an optimal time to reevaluate and determine whether you are leading the life you desire.
A mental health counselor can assist you in identifying the source of your discomfort and offer practical solutions for overcoming this roadblock in your life.
